Manners are disappearing in society

[cobbledstone]

I'm heading towards my 6th decade, definitely not 'young' anymore.

I'm starting to notice that the young - those in their 20's, 30's - have much less regard for manners than my generation.

No thank you letters. Don't respond to invitations until last minute (if at all) and won't hesitate to cancel something via text just because it suits.

On their phone at the supermarket instead of acknowledging the cashier.

I'm in the middle of selling our house and it's amazed me just how many potential buyers in that age group have simply disappeared - with zero feedback, positive or negative. One buyer I gave up Sat and Sun for (so her partner could come to look) wasting time with my family and her feedback to the EA was, I was simply being nosey.

FFS!

AIBU? Are 20/30 somethings less concerned about other peoples feelings/commitments/time?

So if someone sends your child a gift, you don't think that your child should thank them?

I cringe every time we go out with my FIL who is in his mid 50s, so I'd say YABU.

AIBU? Are 20/30 somethings less concerned about other peoples feelings/commitments/time?

I think YABU. People of all ages can be inconsiderate and rude, and equally they can be really decent.

The rudeness perhaps shows in different ways, but it's definitely present in the older generations too.

I'm never on my phone at the cash desk but I meet plenty of cashiers who don't acknowledge me or are too busy talking to their colleagues about their next break time.

Are you saying that you don't consider an email or text thank you to be sufficient? Eg when my son gets a present I arrange for him to record a video saying thank you and send it to the giver.

I agree that no thank you is rude.

Cancelling by text- it's just a way of communicating. The rudeness, or lack of, is more related to the reason given, the timing of the cancellation, or if it's patently obvious that they texted to avoid having to talk to you. Looking at it another way, I find phone calls quite annoying and intrusive as it's the other person deciding that they want me to respond right now. A text lets me consider when to engage. So I think that calls are more rude unless pre-arranged.

Your estate agent should not be allowing people to view unless (at a minimum) they already have a their own place on the market or (better) are in a position to proceed, that's pretty standard these days to pre-empt exactly the situation you found yourself in. Change agents.

Ignoring cashiers is bloody rude though.

www.goodreads.com/quotes/63219-the-children-now-love-luxury-they-have-bad-manners-contempt

I'm the same age as you, by the way.

I wondered how long it would be before someone posted that.

No thank you letters. Don't respond to invitations until last minute (if at all) and won't hesitate to cancel something via text just because it suits.
On their phone at the supermarket instead of acknowledging the cashier.

How are saying thank you, responding to invitations, acknowledging people around you, not getting people to give up their time needlessly traditions and not manners?

Yes, likewise. I mentioned them in my previous comment.

I always thought I was the only person who found thank you letters awkward. I was made to write letters to complete strangers who I wouldn't have even recognised in the street. I mean what do you even say to a person you have literally no relationship whatsoever with?

I'm definitely not continuing this one with my children as it's so pointless.

As above, I think that thank yous can be digital these days, so don't disagree with moving away from letters.

However, if you are going to stop thanking people altogether you also have to stop accepting the gifts.

I worked in department stores for years. Found younger people were very engaging and conscientious. Not all 50-60-somethings were rude of course, but it tended to be that age bracket you'd be taught to "watch out for".

The main issues were entitlement to everything they wanted RIGHT NOW, using made up consumer law to intimidate till assistants into free discounts and returns, shouting when they didn't get their way, making no eye contact, and acting like you'd offended them by trying to strike up a conversation.

If a 20-something person behaved like that, it was big news between the staff. If an older woman did, it was treated like an everyday occurrence.

I actually think that the younger generation are very much influencing life in general, so older people are following suite and also becoming more selfish and rude. Things like not acknowledging family events, cancelling big once in a lifetime milestone celebrations with rubbish excuses is rife, where once it would have been looked open as an honor to attend/been invited to.
We live in a throw away society, and that sadly is filtering down to everything in life even people.

I don't agree with you. I go for walks in the morning passing school kids, and most of them say "good morning" or "hi". Funnily enough, the older (my own) generation doesn't bother.

People in their 20s or 30s rarely answer to slow mail, they prefer text. I have a couple of sons in Sydney, one at home, and even with the one at home I communicate thru texts. I give them plenty of time to answer to invites (they are single, working and in Uni) and they always answer "yes, no maybe" . The "maybe" is the bit that we usually have to fine-tuned but gets resolved with plenty of time.

I find the youngest generation more critical, confident and kinder than the Boomers generation I belong to.

I'm finding the young very polite. But then I don't insist on old school modes of communication. The world is a different place now; adapt or die. I am 55 and happy with text or other messaging responses.

This.

Strange - I'm mid-thirties and from a broadly middle class background in the UK and parents who taught me good manners - I've never received a "thank you letter" for a gift, and I've given gifts to people from all ages and walks of life. I've never for one moment thought to expect one. If I did, I honestly think I'd be a little creeped out. Maybe I'm a glitch in the Matrix?

I never understand the feedback on a house thing. If there was anything easily fixable, surely most people would buy and then fix. If your house is in the wrong place / garden too small / the layout isn’t to my preference what use is that feedback to you. It’s a waste of all of our time to have that dialogue.

Do you really not understand the difference between "not saying thank you" and "not sending a thank you card"? Have you somehow missed all the technological developments since 1900?

You should say thank you for a present. It doesn't matter whether you do this in person, by phone call, by sms, by email, or by letter. What matters is the recipient thanking the giver in a way that the giver can hear or see.

I have been through the process of buying/selling a house twice and have experienced it with my parents when I was younger. Don't think we ever got or gave feedback to sellers after a viewing other than to make an offer or not.

I think most people acknowledge effort and accommodations. Weirdly some woman yelled at me the other day as she felt I didn't thank her when she let me cross a road (I nodded thanks as my hands were full) she called me a shit mother, I've been thinking about that. Maybe the need for over the top thanks is greater for people who feel ignored elsewhere? Generally in life I'm ignored, invisible 40 plus woman, ugly, fat, disabled people have always ignored me though so I'm used to it. Maybe some people when they do become invisible are not noticing the non verbal communication?

Not via an utterly meaningless letter to a stranger. I just don't see what any of those letters achieved. Honestly I'd rather have not had the gifts if it had meant not writing the cringey letters.

I'd probably do it via a video chat or thank the person myself for my own kids.

Rudest people I encounter (as a generalisation, because rude comes from every walk of life) - white men in their 60s

I don't send thank you cards (and wtf is a thank you LETTER? Good god). I say thank you in person. I don't need to then follow it up with a card, it's a bizarre obsession on here, no one I know on real life does this.

But your children are the recipients not you. Isn't it courteous for them to thank them themselves? In whatever form you choose that to take.