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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Petty AIBU but… sandwiches!

389 replies

Flyinggeesei234 · 15/05/2023 12:55

I make my partner sandwiches to take to the office most weekdays.

I do this in the evening then put them in the fridge for him to take in the morning.

If he decides to work from home instead, he still eats the sandwiches, despite lots of other options instead - eggs on toast, salad, quiche etc we have in the house.

This annoys me as it seems so lazy and I have sandwiches to make again for the next day. He could save the ones I made for the following day.

I’d love to know if this would annoy others too. It drives me mad.

OP posts:
Devilinthedetail82 · 15/05/2023 16:04

DHiscookingalerttheworld · 15/05/2023 16:02

I believe you.

I have worked in a lot of offices though and I have heard a fair few men open their lunch box and say something like "oh nice, I got the good ham/cheese/whatever" and one man who threw away a beautiful salad made by his wife every day to go and buy chips but never once a woman who said anything to imply they hadn't made their own. So I think it's rare.

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Just read your thread about your pretty hopeless DH and how slow he is and can’t multi tasking

Clearly your life is defining your view on this!

UsingChangeofName · 15/05/2023 16:04

I'm with the 95%

I would be more cross if I'd made food that wasn't eaten.

But it sounds odd to me that he doesn't decide until he gets up if he is going in to the office or not. If that were known in advance, then the sandwiches just wouldn't be made, so issue no longer there.
Everyone I know who works in different places knows the evening before what they are doing the next morning. For most of us it affects what time we get up if not commuting that day.

SilentParrot · 15/05/2023 16:06

ON MN, there's usually an outpouring of faux-horror when any woman admits to doing one single thing for her DP.

Slight exaggeration.

The OP is clearly peeved at this sandwich issue, therefore people are obviously going to advise her to absolve herself of sandwich making duties. It's not rocket science.

Crumpleton · 15/05/2023 16:07

VonThorn · 15/05/2023 16:03

It gives everyone the chance to go on about it being 1940 and WHY are you making your DP sandwiches?? Is he a child? etc etc etc

ON MN, there's usually an outpouring of faux-horror when any woman admits to doing one single thing for her DP.

Back in the real world - or my real world anyway - most couples seem to have a fair division of labour that makes home life tick along. So yep, making sandwiches for someone is pretty basic normal (if you're happy to do it, not the case here it seems).

I find it weirder that people apparently refuse point blank to do ANYTHING for their DP, so they make themselves a slice of toast but NOT their DP, or put THEIR washing into the machine, but no one else's. 'Course, the alternative is that people are just showboating on threads, which is more likely.

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This....

Given the choice of changing the oil in the car and fitting the new brake pads/shoes.
OR
Getting lunch sorted in an hour or so I know which one I'm choosing.

WonderingWanda · 15/05/2023 16:08

It would annoy me more if he left the sandwiches and made a load of mess making eggs or beans on toast or something. Why on earth are you making him lunches anyway?

Scalottia · 15/05/2023 16:08

TheNine · 15/05/2023 15:05

YABU for making him sandwiches in the first place!! Tell the lazy toad to fuck off

You sound angry. Maybe read the OP's posts first before jumping onto the 'all men are sexist and lazy' bandwagon...

DHiscookingalerttheworld · 15/05/2023 16:09

Devilinthedetail82 · 15/05/2023 16:04

Just read your thread about your pretty hopeless DH and how slow he is and can’t multi tasking

Clearly your life is defining your view on this!

Show quote history

A bit but honestly I have a very 50:50 relationship - DH can't multitask for shit but he does still do half of the cooking, half of the laundry (his own and DS1's while I do mine and the other DS), half the pick ups/drop offs. I have it pretty good!

But I still think the idea of making someone else's packed lunch is deeply weird.

I agree with @Theelephantinthecastle that it's odd to treat things like your own packed lunch as a joint chore but I also think that this happens way more for men than women

I @eke

Devilinthedetail82 · 15/05/2023 16:10

The op doesn’t clarify her work situation. If he’s out all day and sole income then 50/50 on all household chores and cooking starts to look a little… unfair

TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 15/05/2023 16:11

SilentParrot · 15/05/2023 16:06

ON MN, there's usually an outpouring of faux-horror when any woman admits to doing one single thing for her DP.

Slight exaggeration.

The OP is clearly peeved at this sandwich issue, therefore people are obviously going to advise her to absolve herself of sandwich making duties. It's not rocket science.

Have you not seen the many comments asking why on earth she's making a grown man a packed lunch? Irrelevant of the ops conundrum. Many pps seem genuinely perplexed that in 2023 a women would dare to make a man lunch

WhotheHellisEdgar · 15/05/2023 16:12

SilentParrot · 15/05/2023 16:06

ON MN, there's usually an outpouring of faux-horror when any woman admits to doing one single thing for her DP.

Slight exaggeration.

The OP is clearly peeved at this sandwich issue, therefore people are obviously going to advise her to absolve herself of sandwich making duties. It's not rocket science.

I think the OP is more peeved now with the number of people saying YABU and 2 day old sandwiches are rank 🤪

Scalottia · 15/05/2023 16:13

Devilinthedetail82 · 15/05/2023 15:57

Given your post I find your user name interest @DHiscookingalerttheworld

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Haha this username tickled me.

My partner cooks for me a lot because I finish work later than he does. I love getting home to the smells of nice food and an opened bottle of wine. Our work schedules dictate a lot of how our house runs.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 15/05/2023 16:13

NeedToChangeName · 15/05/2023 14:27

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Yes I found that when I googled, what I cant find is any evidence to your statement that all supermarket sandwiches had been previously frozen!

TrundleToes · 15/05/2023 16:13

LunaMay · 15/05/2023 15:51

It would depend whats on the sandwiches, something with tomato or a 'wet' filling wouldn't be as nice 2 days later.

Tomatoes go weird after a few hours in a sandwich, don't they? They remind me of school days.

Devilinthedetail82 · 15/05/2023 16:13

DHiscookingalerttheworld · 15/05/2023 13:32

I do lots of nice things for my DH and vice versa but making each other's packed lunch is not one of them. Apart from anything else, I want to decide for myself what I fancy in my sandwich. I don't think my own packed lunch is a household chore to be divided, it's personal.

My mum stopped making my packed lunch when I was 10 at my own request!

He does loads of childcare but doesn't multi task at all while he's doing it. He has a day off a week with the kids (as do I) but while I will do bits and pieces of housework as well, he does not, he focuses completely on the kids. I am no domestic goddess, I just mean things like doing a load of laundry and cleaning up after lunch, I tidy toys as we go etc

so you come home to a shit show

and he turfs you out do he can do a 3 hour roast, or he says he can’t garden and watch the children at same time.

@DHiscookingalerttheworld you are coming at this with a pretty low bar

TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 15/05/2023 16:14

DHiscookingalerttheworld · 15/05/2023 16:09

A bit but honestly I have a very 50:50 relationship - DH can't multitask for shit but he does still do half of the cooking, half of the laundry (his own and DS1's while I do mine and the other DS), half the pick ups/drop offs. I have it pretty good!

But I still think the idea of making someone else's packed lunch is deeply weird.

I agree with @Theelephantinthecastle that it's odd to treat things like your own packed lunch as a joint chore but I also think that this happens way more for men than women

I @eke

Show quote history

But not many people split chores like that down the middle. Eg one would do washing and other would hoover the house. Not one do half the washing and hoover half the house. I don't think that's abnormal. Especially if everyone in the house needs packed lunch. In fact, I'd probably find it odd if my husband was doing the kids and his own packed lunch and didn't bother throwing one together for me

Devilinthedetail82 · 15/05/2023 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DHiscookingalerttheworld · 15/05/2023 16:18

Devilinthedetail82 · 15/05/2023 16:13

He does loads of childcare but doesn't multi task at all while he's doing it. He has a day off a week with the kids (as do I) but while I will do bits and pieces of housework as well, he does not, he focuses completely on the kids. I am no domestic goddess, I just mean things like doing a load of laundry and cleaning up after lunch, I tidy toys as we go etc

so you come home to a shit show

and he turfs you out do he can do a 3 hour roast, or he says he can’t garden and watch the children at same time.

@DHiscookingalerttheworld you are coming at this with a pretty low bar

Show quote history

If you want to post on my other thread do that don't detail this one.

But you're also selectively quoting. I said on that thread that he does not multitask but he also doesn't leave it to me but finishes up in the evening.

I find that frustrating because I would rather relax with him which I can't do when he is tidying up but he does do it without any issue or complaint. He also makes his own sandwiches! Unsurprisingly it feels like it takes him forever... But I don't think it would ever occur to him to ask me to

Devilinthedetail82 · 15/05/2023 16:21

DHiscookingalerttheworld · 15/05/2023 16:18

If you want to post on my other thread do that don't detail this one.

But you're also selectively quoting. I said on that thread that he does not multitask but he also doesn't leave it to me but finishes up in the evening.

I find that frustrating because I would rather relax with him which I can't do when he is tidying up but he does do it without any issue or complaint. He also makes his own sandwiches! Unsurprisingly it feels like it takes him forever... But I don't think it would ever occur to him to ask me to

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You started a thread yesterday about how frustrated you were with your DH not pulling his weight!! 😐

Ducatifan · 15/05/2023 16:21

I wouldn’t eat a sandwich made the night before let along 2 days later.

Devilinthedetail82 · 15/05/2023 16:22

DHiscookingalerttheworld · 15/05/2023 16:18

If you want to post on my other thread do that don't detail this one.

But you're also selectively quoting. I said on that thread that he does not multitask but he also doesn't leave it to me but finishes up in the evening.

I find that frustrating because I would rather relax with him which I can't do when he is tidying up but he does do it without any issue or complaint. He also makes his own sandwiches! Unsurprisingly it feels like it takes him forever... But I don't think it would ever occur to him to ask me to

Show quote history

But what about turfing you out with the children to do the 3 hours cooking? And telling you he can’t look after the children and Garden. And being unavailable if the children call him.

seriously… it was yesterday!

Devilinthedetail82 · 15/05/2023 16:22

Ducatifan · 15/05/2023 16:21

I wouldn’t eat a sandwich made the night before let along 2 days later.

Me neither!

SilentParrot · 15/05/2023 16:23

Ducatifan · 15/05/2023 16:21

I wouldn’t eat a sandwich made the night before let along 2 days later.

I didn't realise so much nocturnal sandwich prep was going on.

elm26 · 15/05/2023 16:25

YouWonJayne · 15/05/2023 12:59

Are you from 1940?

Why on Earth are you making a grown man sandwiches?!

This problem is easily solvable: he can make his own

I make my DH's sandwiches every night for the following day. He doesn't ever expect them. Definitely don't live in the 40s, we are both 30 and I'm sure a man of the 1940s wouldn't Hoover/do laundry/cook dinner/clean the toilet like my DH does.

YABU OP, I wouldn't want to eat 2 day old sandwiches but I'd also stop doing them if you're fed up with it, you're not obliged to make them for him.

Nanny0gg · 15/05/2023 16:25

DHiscookingalerttheworld · 15/05/2023 15:53

Yeah. I have never once met a woman whose DH made her lunch, bought her pants/socks or packed her suitcase for a trip. But I barely know a man over 50 whose wife doesn't do all of those things.

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My DH has often made me lunch (both over 50)

MrsSamR · 15/05/2023 16:27

This reminds me of the thread of the woman who batch cooked Sunday roast and froze it in portions to be reheated later and couldn't understand why her husband wasn't eternally grateful! 2 day old sandwiches...nope.