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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I ruining the holiday?

461 replies

jasmine92 · 15/05/2023 10:14

DP has not said as much but I just feel bad.

We spent a lot of money on a much needed holiday as we’ve been super stressed - we booked a really remote, hot location with the plan being nothing but sunbathing.
We’ve got here and it’s freezing cold, and it’s expected to be until we leave. I feel gutted because a) we spent a lot of money, b) there’s literally nothing else to do and c) he suggested other locations that I said no to because I have been before, and I should’ve gone for them as they’re really hot right now.

I keep mentioning the weather, DP keeps telling me to “make the most of it”, “it’s done now”, “it’s out of our control” etc but I just hate being cold and there’s literally nothing else to do. He told me off for looking at the weather and told me not to look again. But I just am so annoyed. Also gutted as I packed only dresses.

Also, I really wanted a holiday for us to just get away from everything as we’ve been so stressed. I said let’s just put our phones down for the week, and let’s not talk about anything going on at home that’s stressful, and let’s talk about different stuff, but he keeps scrolling each time I even walk 2 metres away. He said I put too much pressure on the holiday by saying this.
I then got upset during breakfast as he wasn’t really saying much and he said he felt pressured to make conversation. He also said he’d had 3 hours sleep and I wasn’t being understanding.

I just feel like a misery guts but I can’t help but be upset, and I don’t feel like he’s understanding. Am I unreasonable?

OP posts:
ncmonday · 15/05/2023 12:50

@greennotepad In fairness, your pass agg game suggestion sounds like hell too.

😀Whatever works! And the inattentive spouse doesn't sound like he's actively making any effort.

She has to humour herself out of it, which is tough when you're low on inner resources. At the moment, it seems that she is being left to magic up the entertainment. It's not always easy to pretend that everything is wonderful when it's obviously not wonderful, and if you had known what it would be like, you would have done something else. They will feel that they overspent on the holiday and might as well have stayed home.

MsRosley · 15/05/2023 12:51

Being with someone who's on their phone all the time is fucking boring, so you have my sympathies there, OP. What's the point of being away somewhere different if your head's in the internet all the time?

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 15/05/2023 12:52

MsRosley · 15/05/2023 12:51

Being with someone who's on their phone all the time is fucking boring, so you have my sympathies there, OP. What's the point of being away somewhere different if your head's in the internet all the time?

Equally, why would you want to spend your time talking to someone who won't stop moaning?!

ncmonday · 15/05/2023 12:52

@Sissynova her partner who has done nothing but suggest positive changes to their holiday

I must have missed that bit. What did he suggest.

puffyisgood · 15/05/2023 12:53

YABVU, by the sounds of it. You should gently remind him, and you, that there's now a responsibility for both of you to make the holiday work as well as it can do. That means less whingeing, less pining for sunnier climes, and quite probably less time spent looking at phones. The sunbathing holiday will have to become a walking/sightseeing/eating/drinking/netflix and chill etc holiday. A bit of phone time is fine, there's nothing worse than trying so hard to squeeze every last drop of possible enjoyment out of time that you're left with nothing at all, but only within considerate limits.

SpringleDingle · 15/05/2023 12:54

Between a well stocked kindle and plenty of "afternoon delight" you could have a great time even if it is cold! Take this time to reconnect. Get a pack of cards and beat him at poker, cook together, go back to bed in the middle of the afternoon, read your books... It could be great if you make the effort!

trrk · 15/05/2023 12:54

Yes YABU. You have been misled if you were actually expecting Greece to be properly hot in May and you should have picked somewhere else if you only wanted a fly and flop sun holiday. Now you are there you should make the most of it and suck up the cost of car hire (or go stay somewhere else closer to stuff). I can’t believe there is nothing to do - there must be pretty villages to explore, nice food, beautiful hikes (probably perfect weather for hiking - it’s usually a bit warm when I go), historic sites, stunning scenery - everywhere I’ve been in Greece has most of these things.

Shoxfordian · 15/05/2023 13:00

Yabu - find some other stuff to do; there must be a museum or a nice town to look round. Don’t ban your dp from his phone either- he’s your partner not a teenager!

ncmonday · 15/05/2023 13:00

Now you are there you should make the most of it and suck up the cost of car hire.

She's already said they can't afford it!

Another option is just going home early - it might be cheaper and honestly much nicer. You can then put the kettle on for a cup of tea and packet of chocolate hobnobs, while listening to Radio 4.

user1471538283 · 15/05/2023 13:01

Oh my word Greece! There must be stuff to do somewhere! All those ruins and pretty towns!

You need to throw some money at it and get a car and go places!

roastednuts123 · 15/05/2023 13:02

MsRosley · 15/05/2023 12:51

Being with someone who's on their phone all the time is fucking boring, so you have my sympathies there, OP. What's the point of being away somewhere different if your head's in the internet all the time?

Agree with this entirely. You have my sympathies op. I think you've had some harsh responses on here and actually yes it's bloody disappointing when things don't work out as planned. Take some of the great advice on here and try to enjoy 😊

ncmonday · 15/05/2023 13:02

throw some money at it and get a car

Don't get into debt you can't afford. This may be terrible advice.

Myn · 15/05/2023 13:04

Some of my favourite memories with my husband are on holiday binging a series on Netflix just relaxing with my eyes closed on the bed in the middle of the day having a day time nap. Your alive, your on holiday if you can afford the car do it! Have beans on toast for a month when your back if need be.

KittieKath · 15/05/2023 13:04

Oh it's a bugger.

But there is loads to do in Greece. Museums and history and gorgeous restaurants.

Jump in a taxi and go to a supermarket and buy loads of good food and booze and warm clothes. Then start binging a good show on Netflix and lie in bed all day naked getting drunk and having sex.

Sounds fucking perfect!

Modda · 15/05/2023 13:08

Get a bus to anywhere. They'll be ways the locals who work in the hotel get to there from their homes.

musicalold · 15/05/2023 13:13

When you say "freezing" what do you actually mean? It's disappointing but I think you were being hopeful to expect it to really not in Greece in mid-May. It might be, but then it might not. It's certainly not guaranteed as you've discovered!
Go and eat some nice food and drink some wine, then go for a walk to take in the beautiful scenery.

musicalold · 15/05/2023 13:14

SpringleDingle · 15/05/2023 12:54

Between a well stocked kindle and plenty of "afternoon delight" you could have a great time even if it is cold! Take this time to reconnect. Get a pack of cards and beat him at poker, cook together, go back to bed in the middle of the afternoon, read your books... It could be great if you make the effort!

"Afternoon delight" Grin

Vikingthings · 15/05/2023 13:18

Yes you sound like you're ruining the holiday by moaning and dictating what he can/can't do with his phone whilst you aren't being good company - no offence.

We’re in Greece but the weather said it was gonna be scorching and it changed last minute. We looked at hiring a car but it’s extortionate.

If you've spent a fortune on the holiday that neither of you are enjoying, would it be worthwhile spending a little bit more to hire a car?

You just need to find the positives of being where you are and have a nice time.

Vikingthings · 15/05/2023 13:19

Depending where you are, there is a lot to do in Greece and you should be able to get buses no problem. I think it's a shame when people go to Greece and don't have at least one day doing something 'non-beach'.

NooNakedJacuzziness · 15/05/2023 13:20

Whereabouts are you OP? Maybe someone on here has been there and can suggest some places to visit/things to do.

Heronwatcher · 15/05/2023 13:20

I also agree with getting out and about- if you ask the locals they can tell you where to go. If you’re on an island you may find that the weather is better down the coast. Also agree with either hiring a car for a day from a local place or getting a bus service- we stayed on Crete once and it had a pretty decent bus service along the coast roads and between major towns. If you can get up into the mountains the nature will be spectacular!

pussycatinfluffyslippers · 15/05/2023 13:24

YABU.

You chose the destination, even though he'd made other suggestions.
Presumably you chose what to pack for yourself, and didn't think about even one outfit for cooler weather.
You're now trying to stop him looking at his phone?
Are you always this domineering? Stop nagging him and leave him alone - HE'S ON HOLIDAY TOO.

Pipsquiggle · 15/05/2023 13:24

If you feel able to share with us where you are, I am sure the recommendations will be much more useful.

AlliumFairy · 15/05/2023 13:27
  1. Buy a jumper
  2. Find a nice spot out of the wind
  3. Read your books
  4. drop the no phone rule except at mealtimes.
Crazycrazylady · 15/05/2023 13:30

Honestly you sound like a complete fun sponge. Yes it's disappointing re the weather but going on about in au nauseum is hardly helpful.
Your poor husband .