Am I ruining the holiday?

[jasmine92]

DP has not said as much but I just feel bad.

We spent a lot of money on a much needed holiday as we’ve been super stressed - we booked a really remote, hot location with the plan being nothing but sunbathing.
We’ve got here and it’s freezing cold, and it’s expected to be until we leave. I feel gutted because a) we spent a lot of money, b) there’s literally nothing else to do and c) he suggested other locations that I said no to because I have been before, and I should’ve gone for them as they’re really hot right now.

I keep mentioning the weather, DP keeps telling me to “make the most of it”, “it’s done now”, “it’s out of our control” etc but I just hate being cold and there’s literally nothing else to do. He told me off for looking at the weather and told me not to look again. But I just am so annoyed. Also gutted as I packed only dresses.

Also, I really wanted a holiday for us to just get away from everything as we’ve been so stressed. I said let’s just put our phones down for the week, and let’s not talk about anything going on at home that’s stressful, and let’s talk about different stuff, but he keeps scrolling each time I even walk 2 metres away. He said I put too much pressure on the holiday by saying this.
I then got upset during breakfast as he wasn’t really saying much and he said he felt pressured to make conversation. He also said he’d had 3 hours sleep and I wasn’t being understanding.

I just feel like a misery guts but I can’t help but be upset, and I don’t feel like he’s understanding. Am I unreasonable?

Also even the smallest Greek Island have interesting stuff to look at.

I thought this - you can stuck up the extra car hire costs, buy/ware few warmer clothes and go for walks find cafe/bar food - or just veg out reading.

I'd also try and do less policing of your DH behavior - being on his phone may well be a coping mechanism for him with the disappointment.

I think it's probably time to stop focusing on the negatives and find something you can enjoy.

YABU. You can't do anything about the weather but you can do a few things to improve the situation

1. Go out and buy some warm clothes
2. Check out the local bus timetable and see where you could go out for the day - eg. a local town
3. Once you have your warm clothes go for a walk, take your book, go into a cafe along the way and sit and read
4. If poor local transport, suck up the cost of a hire car for a couple of days. You don't have to hire it for the whole time but you could for a short period of time and go out to see a few things.
5. Stop controlling his phone use
6. See if there is a local swimming pool/spa/hotel with day spa

OP you sound a bit like I can sometimes be...putting too much pressure on to making a break 'perfectly restful' but really I'm carrying over stress from the day to day crap and trying to control everything because my brain is still in overdrive. Sometimes at this stage what I really need is a big cry and then I can start to reset.

Your expectations are too high and that's understandable when you are desperate for a break. But you really can have a lovely time exploring new places, reading books all cosy under a blanket with a cup of tea and some biscuits, try drawing some buildings or plants,or experiment with taking photos from weird angles.

Have a cry, take a deep breath, give yourself a hug and then have a lovely holiday!

How long have you been with him op?

I went on a holiday that sucked a few years ago. Place we stayed wasn’t nice and the weather wasn’t great. We hired a car, hired bikes had a good explore of the island, watched films and some nice meals out. Wasn’t what I had planned but by the end of the week we had a nice time.

It didn’t change at the last minute op

You didn’t check the weather before you left and was packing

Girl, you're in GREECE. One of the most beautiful and cultured countries on the planet. (OK I'm biassed but idc)

From what you've said I assume you're on one of the islands, possibly you've falled prey to the Instagram Hun trap that is Santorini these days. Unfortunately, the western islands are often windy at this time of year. But if you throw a teeny bit more money at it you can have a great time.

1. Island hop - plenty of day trips you can do from Santorini
2. Fly / ferry to Athens for two days and view the cradle of Western civilisation
3. Fly / ferry to Thessaloniki - a buzzy, friendly and cultured city full of students and progressives - great fun
4. If you're desperate for sun, you can get to Turkey super duper easily

Relax the rules about thephone. Maybe he's reading stuff for entertainment? That's what people do when sunbathing no?

Chill out and let go of your disappointment that the weather has had the temerity not to bend to your every whim.

If you can't do that then truly your problems go beyond the weather.

Why can’t you read a book I the rain. You don’t sound very resilient.

Where are you in Greece? The coldest temp on the BBC is in the North and that’s 20 so it’s hardly freezing. Surely you can relax on a Sun lounger, read still

You're in Greece. There has to be some lovely tavernas, local towns and historical sites nearby at least. Try being stuck in Cape Verde where there aren't even roads in freezing, cloudy weather and then come back and complain 🤣 (this was literally one of mine and dh's first holidays btw and I didn't cry or moan. I mostly read and drunk tea by the pool all day whilst stubbornly wearing my bikini but warming up under a towel insisting that the sun was going to come out)

Oh for goodness sake. Buy a cardigan or a jumper. Or some walking boots. Greece is absolutely packed full of interesting towns, amazing food, walks, etc. Accept that your plans have changed and make the most of it. I’m going camping in Wales.

I completely sympathise. I tend to use unrealistic dreams as my coping mechanism and when the dream turns out to be only marginally better than shitty reality, I get so, so demoralised.

You need to turn this into a game, where you 'making the best of it' will be infuriating to your OH, but impossible for him to criticise. With the added benefit of actually being enjoyable too.

How about you buy the cheapest ugliest warm clothes you possibly can, and insist on wearing them, with a shiny face and scraped back hair. Sports socks and espadrilles too. Also buy a notebook and biro, and spend time working on your novel 'to relax' - pointedly not mindlessly scrolling - whenever he wants to go on a tipsy bar crawl or whatever. Or suggest touring local historic churches in a jolly hockey sticks voice. With a budget-friendly picnic. When you get back, shivering, warm yourself up with the asthmatic hairdryer, as if it's the most normal possible thing to do.

For what it's worth - the suggestions of just getting drunk and overeating sound hellish, especially for people who are coming through a period of deep stress. Of course we're all just jealous and wish we were on holiday, hence the unkind responses. But it's admittedly not great fun if you're on holiday on the outer edge of your overdraft limit, and had been relying on everything being lovely and paid for, and suddenly need to find the price of a car hire.

You're in Greece for goodness sake, how can there be nothing to do except sunbathe? Everywhere is beautiful!

Buy a hoody and some jeans, throw money at the problem and hire a car if you can, otherwise find some lovely bars and chill out with some drinks and books/phones. Or a nearby hotel with an indoor pool that you can pay to access? It sounds like bliss to me.

I think the stress has come with you on holiday, which is understable. Combined with the pressure we put on holidays to be 'perfect' we do make it had on ourselves.
Sun in Greece is not guaranteed this early in the season. Which is a bummer, but @potniatheron has some excellent suggestions.

YANBU Op

you wanted sun, you’re not getting it

lots of people on mumsnet hate hot weather. Couple of nice days of weather in the UK and they can’t wait for winter in the uk! So they won’t get it.

you need WINE OP, plenty of wine.

When I’m deeply stressed overeating and drinking is mostly what I want to do!

In fairness, your pass agg game suggestion sounds like hell too.

Don’t be a misery.
Hard to believe you can afford an expensive holiday in Greece but not to hire a basic car.
Seems like you’re just wallowing in misery rather than thinking about how you can salvage your holiday and car trips to places with shops/museums/ restaurants etc could be a good option.

You are spoiling it by being so negative.........you can't change the weather but you can change your mindset. Read, spend the afternoon in bed having sex, go for a walk, chill on your phones, eat and drink whatever you want.

What are you doing for food? Surely that involves getting out and about two or three times a day. Go and explore somewhere different for lunch. Get something from the local supermarket to cook. If it’s not raining you can sit outside and read or go somewhere for a drink and enjoy the view.

I went to Lanzarote one Easter and it was freezing with a strong wind for two whole weeks. I wore the same leggings and a denim jacket for the whole time. I don’t remember it as a bad holiday though, just that it was too cold to go in the pool.

We've been a few times from the middle of May for two weeks and it's been late twenties. Usually a lovely time of year to go but I wouldn't go before about now.

Buy wine and snacks and just go to bed for a day or two with your dh

Frankly OP, YOU are ruining it, not the weather. Give your head a wobble and get on and enjoy what you do have which is each others company and some time away.

Buy a jumper, read a book, go for a walk, stop bring the phone police, have some chips and a beer and cheer up.

Or OP could accept that being a passive aggressive dick to her partner who has done nothing but suggest positive changes to their holiday so they can still enjoy themselves will only ruin the holiday further and possibly ruin their relationship along with it.

If my partner acted like you I'd be telling them to get fucked.