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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Letting children wee in the night yes or no?

396 replies

ToWeeornotToWee · 14/05/2023 20:39

Do you let your children wee during the night? I’m talking school age children who are old enough to hold out till morning.

Imagine the noise of them using the toilet wakes up the grown ups in the house disturbing their sleep.

Does that change your opinion?

Edited by MNHQ to add that there's a bit of a vital update from the OP that should be read before responding later in the thread

OP posts:
ModestMoon · 14/05/2023 21:49

Why don't you think this is worth going back to court over? Your children are being sent somewhere that greatly distresses them.

Sockmate123 · 14/05/2023 21:49

Is this a joke?? Omg if this is true this is child cruelty. Of course you let anyone adult or child access the bathroom whenever they need!!!

ChrisPPancake · 14/05/2023 21:49

caringcarer · 14/05/2023 21:46

It would be cruel to stop anyone using the toilet when they needed to. Would you prefer a wet bed?

I think op would prefer someone who actually read the thread Confused

Janedoe82 · 14/05/2023 21:49

Haven’t read all the posts but yes- you need to speak to social work asap. This is child abuse.

CreamTeaThievery · 14/05/2023 21:49

I do hope you are a troll.

If a child needs the toilet they need the toilet. I am a grown adult and I need the toilet in the night sometimes.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/05/2023 21:49

The NSPCC may be able to give you advice on how to tackle this in the correct way. The school also may be able to help. You can also take your dcs to the GP for anxiety etc over this so that you start to get a paper trail to support you when you take this back to court.

Your ex and his partner sound extremely unpleasant.

BonnieMummy · 14/05/2023 21:50

@Sockmate123 if you bother to read Op’s posts you’ll see it’s definitely not a joke

Nanny0gg · 14/05/2023 21:50

WILL YOU ALL PLEASE READ THE OP's POSTS

IT'S HER EX THAT'S DENYING THEM THE LOO - NOT THE OP!!

cyncope · 14/05/2023 21:50

Do they actually need to go to the toilet in the night or is it just an anxiety that they might need to?

Mine have very rarely needed to get up in the night to wee - that's pretty unusual for children isn't it?

Original poster
ToWeeornotToWee · 14/05/2023 21:51

I wish I could edit my OP to say READ THE UPDATES.

sorry I was deliberately being ambiguous because I wanted to try and come across as not biased. I just needed to feel like I wasn’t asking a leading question so I’d get a genuine response.
thank you to everyone who has responded. Even those who haven’t RTFT because it just confirms that I have lots of people on my side. I’m not going crazy. I’m not BU. I’m not wrong for taking this further.

I need to make sure I am doing the right thing. I need to try and be blameless and not balls this up by emotionally reacting but rather planning and doing it properly.

OP posts:
OKwhatsNext · 14/05/2023 21:51

Insane op. I would never stand by this for my kids.

Fwiw though when I started dating my now DH (I was 17) I was told by his parents REPEATEDLY when I stayed over that I'd woken them in the night to go to the toilet and kindly could I stop as the bathroom was opposite their bedroom. I would often hold it as I was worried about upsetting them as his dad worked really long hours, although often I really couldn't (periods for starters!!). It did me no good so how on earth you could put little ones through that I don't know.

Needless to say I have never told our kids they can't get up. It's cruel, and absolutely unnecessary. I have also have made subtle blatant points about this to my now ILs because over my dead body would my kids stay there overnight on those rules

silverbubbles · 14/05/2023 21:51

If they are weeing during the night because they are drinking lots before bedtime or not weeing before bed, so they wake up in the night needing to go, then its probably a habit that can be changed.

I think that everyone in the the house up and down weeing at night is disruptive and it would be better to try to train this out.

If they are weeing because they have a weak bladder or simply have to then of course they need to be allowed to go.

ModestMoon · 14/05/2023 21:51

@cyncope but why can't they in their own house? It would wreck havoc with your mental health knowing you couldn't. And many children do need to, yes.

Original poster
ToWeeornotToWee · 14/05/2023 21:52

The irony is that they rarely wee at night when they’re here! 😂

But knowing they can’t wee if even if they need to, which has happened on occasion, is causing anxiety and, I think, the tummy aches.

OP posts:
OKwhatsNext · 14/05/2023 21:52

And I mean the situation is insane OP, not you! You have every right to take it further

TeaAndTwoSugars · 14/05/2023 21:54

Wtf I wee during the night, who stops a young child with a small bladder weeing during the night??

Badbudgeter · 14/05/2023 21:55

Yes even as an adult I sometimes need a wee at night. I don’t think it’s healthy to hold it in .

CreamTeaThievery · 14/05/2023 21:55

Oh sorry missed the updates.

I agree it's worth going back to court over. Good luck!

ChrisPPancake · 14/05/2023 21:55

ToWeeornotToWee · 14/05/2023 21:51

I wish I could edit my OP to say READ THE UPDATES.

sorry I was deliberately being ambiguous because I wanted to try and come across as not biased. I just needed to feel like I wasn’t asking a leading question so I’d get a genuine response.
thank you to everyone who has responded. Even those who haven’t RTFT because it just confirms that I have lots of people on my side. I’m not going crazy. I’m not BU. I’m not wrong for taking this further.

I need to make sure I am doing the right thing. I need to try and be blameless and not balls this up by emotionally reacting but rather planning and doing it properly.

I reported your thread @ToWeeornotToWee to ask @MNHQ to amend the title, asking people to at least read your posts.

GG1986 · 14/05/2023 21:55

My daughter can hold wee for a long time, but if she woke in the night no way would I stop her using the toilet! Just wouldn't flush and straight back to sleep.

Wife2b · 14/05/2023 21:56

Is this a joke?

Scotty12 · 14/05/2023 21:57

Of course children should be allowed to get up for a wee! They should also get into the habit of going for a wee just before getting into bed. If noise is an issue - just don’t flush. Absolutely unacceptable and cruel not to allow a child access to a toilet when needed.

caringcarer · 14/05/2023 21:57

I've just read your update OP, definitely go back to court if you have evidence. He is being abusive and cruel.

CustardySergeant · 14/05/2023 21:57

Wife2b · 14/05/2023 21:56

Is this a joke?

Far from it. RTFT!

2Hot2Handle · 14/05/2023 21:57

How awful. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling about this. Here are the steps I would take:

Text ex and explain in a factual way that the DC are feeling stressed about going to his house because of the rule and about the stomach problems. Explain it’s very bad for a child to hold it in and could cause big problems. Suggest a “don’t flush wee” in the night rule to prevent disturbing partner. Ask ex to come up with solutions that are reasonable. I.e. “How can we solve this for the kids, because they’re really upset about this”. Keep any replies over text and email them to yourself (screen grab to avoid being deleted). If ex calls, record the verbal conversation and keep calm, stay factual. If ex argues, point out that the only reason you’re getting involved is because of how upset the kids are and you want the same thing as him, that they are both happy, safe and loved.

If ex refuses to drop the rule, seek immediate legal and medical advice. Before the DC go to his, tell them that it is okay to use the loo as and when they need, including during the night. Ensure they have a phone, show them how to use it and tell them to call you, if they get shouted at, in this situation. If this happens, go straight to them and contact police on the way, asking them to accompany you. Explain that the kids have phoned and you believe they are not safe.

Above all, try to keep calm (which is a really difficult ask), so that it will be hard to accuse you of any wrongdoing.