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AIBU?

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Original poster

Letting children wee in the night yes or no?

396 replies

ToWeeornotToWee · 14/05/2023 20:39

Do you let your children wee during the night? I’m talking school age children who are old enough to hold out till morning.

Imagine the noise of them using the toilet wakes up the grown ups in the house disturbing their sleep.

Does that change your opinion?

Edited by MNHQ to add that there's a bit of a vital update from the OP that should be read before responding later in the thread

OP posts:
knobheeeeed · 14/05/2023 21:57

That's absolutely ridiculous. If they need to go what are they supposed to do? Would he rather they wet the bed?
He can say that they shouldn't flush the toilet in the night but no way should he be stopping them from going.
He is an awful awful man and I think you should consider taking this back to family court. If they aren't allowed to go to the toilet at night they shouldn't be having overnight visits at all. He's not providing for their needs.

cansu · 14/05/2023 21:58

Why would anyone be prevented from going to the loo? If it wakes you, get earplugs.

BillyNoM8s · 14/05/2023 21:58

You need to go back to court and advocate for your children. I wouldn't be sending mine for any more overnights until sorted. It's abuse and you have to step in.

Difficult as it is, it's your job.

Speak to social services, speak to NSPCC, find out how to apply to vary the order. Do not back down.

Octaviathethird · 14/05/2023 21:59

Please don't let them go there again, he is a monster. My stepdad wouldn't let me use the toilet so I used to lift the carpet tiles and wee on the floorboards but eventually this was discovered so my mum gave me a cup to wee in and throw out the window, she enabled his abuse by allowing it to continue. Refusing access to the toilet was part of a pattern of abuse that absolutely destroyed me. I spent years unable to use any toilet other than my own, even then I would fill the toilet with loo roll so there was no chance of any noise which would frequently block the toilet. I doubt this is the only abusive behaviour he displays towards your children. His behaviour is about control, he is a nasty abusive controlling bully, don't allow him access to your children.

Myusername4321 · 14/05/2023 21:59

OP you need to protect and fight your children's corner on this one, what he is doing is unacceptable . I know it's scary but let the love for your children fuel your fire. I would approach him politely again at first and if nothing changes you have proof of why you aren't sending them again.

Newnamefor23 · 14/05/2023 21:59

I’d rather stir in my sleep than have to get up and change a wet bed/have them come in to my bed, smelling of piss, because theirs is uninhabitable.

Gotafaceon · 14/05/2023 21:59

OP I hate to make things worse but if he's doing this then he may be engaging in other abusive things towards your DC. Can they eat/ drink when they need? What other basic human rights is he comfortable removing FFS.

ChrisPPancake · 14/05/2023 22:00

Octaviathethird · 14/05/2023 21:59

Please don't let them go there again, he is a monster. My stepdad wouldn't let me use the toilet so I used to lift the carpet tiles and wee on the floorboards but eventually this was discovered so my mum gave me a cup to wee in and throw out the window, she enabled his abuse by allowing it to continue. Refusing access to the toilet was part of a pattern of abuse that absolutely destroyed me. I spent years unable to use any toilet other than my own, even then I would fill the toilet with loo roll so there was no chance of any noise which would frequently block the toilet. I doubt this is the only abusive behaviour he displays towards your children. His behaviour is about control, he is a nasty abusive controlling bully, don't allow him access to your children.

I'm sorry you went through that @Octaviathethird Flowers

Wife2b · 14/05/2023 22:00

Stop the children going, it’s abuse and a basic human right.

WisherWood · 14/05/2023 22:00

If it were me I'd be seeking legal help and going back to court. I can't manage to get through the night without needing the loo. I've always been like that. I just don't flush at night and I make sure I don't turn on lights et cetera, so I don't disturb anyone.

Your ex is cruel and manipulative.

elm26 · 14/05/2023 22:01

mousedogbirdcat · 14/05/2023 20:42

I do hope you are a troll because if your not I'd say this was abusive.

Agreed

whynotwhatknot · 14/05/2023 22:01

Yes its enough please get some legal advice to get it back to court-you have evidence in texts hes got no way out

Supergirl1958 · 14/05/2023 22:01

I’m a grown adult and wake up to wee at least once if not twice a night!!

VestaTilley · 14/05/2023 22:02

Of course I’d let them use it!

It can damage their bladders not to let them go - you’re being cruel.

Tell them not to flush if it wakes you.

pontipinemum · 14/05/2023 22:02

I actually don't know how to describe your ex. Atrocious, springs to mind. The poor kids.

I really don't know how I would approach it.

Newnamefor23 · 14/05/2023 22:03

I think the EX might change his mind after dealing with warm wet stinky sheets in the night or cold wet stinky ones in the morning.

elm26 · 14/05/2023 22:03

Octaviathethird · 14/05/2023 21:59

Please don't let them go there again, he is a monster. My stepdad wouldn't let me use the toilet so I used to lift the carpet tiles and wee on the floorboards but eventually this was discovered so my mum gave me a cup to wee in and throw out the window, she enabled his abuse by allowing it to continue. Refusing access to the toilet was part of a pattern of abuse that absolutely destroyed me. I spent years unable to use any toilet other than my own, even then I would fill the toilet with loo roll so there was no chance of any noise which would frequently block the toilet. I doubt this is the only abusive behaviour he displays towards your children. His behaviour is about control, he is a nasty abusive controlling bully, don't allow him access to your children.

So sorry ♥️

Monckeynuts · 14/05/2023 22:03

We were always told - "If it's yellow let it mellow" (ie. don't flush) "If it's brown flush it down". There is no way he should be allowed to dictate that they cannot have a wee if they need one. Get me an invite to stay there, I get up 3 times sometimes during the night.....evil laugh..... Seriously though - we don't bother flushing until the morning, why couldn't he or his partner cope with that??? Chin up OP you are in the right.

wildinthecountry · 14/05/2023 22:04

This is weird ? Confused

tara66 · 14/05/2023 22:05

Stopping children from using toilet t any time is child abuse. What else do you do to your children?

Myusername4321 · 14/05/2023 22:05

I think I'm going to hit my head of the wall if I read 1 more comment about OP being abusive....IT'S HER EX DENYING THE CHILDREN ACCESS TO THE TOILET!

elm26 · 14/05/2023 22:05

ToWeeornotToWee · 14/05/2023 21:46

I don’t know that this is enough of an issue to go back to court over? Maybe it is?

Family court was AWFUL. Absolutely awful. And because he comes across as a very clever articulate professional powerful man and I was a wobbly emotional mess (who wouldn’t be discussing the future contact of your babies!!) then he walked all over me and railroaded this contact agreement.

I do have evidence of toilet denial yes. Evidence of me suggesting it’s causing a problem and him accusing me that it’s me causing the problem. He has also accused me of making my eldest ‘emotionally reliant’ on me. He says I am responsible for creating an environment in which my daughter doesn’t want to leave me on a Sunday morning.

Bless you, OP. I wouldn't allow them to go to his. It's abuse x

Original poster
ToWeeornotToWee · 14/05/2023 22:06

Octaviathethird · 14/05/2023 21:59

Please don't let them go there again, he is a monster. My stepdad wouldn't let me use the toilet so I used to lift the carpet tiles and wee on the floorboards but eventually this was discovered so my mum gave me a cup to wee in and throw out the window, she enabled his abuse by allowing it to continue. Refusing access to the toilet was part of a pattern of abuse that absolutely destroyed me. I spent years unable to use any toilet other than my own, even then I would fill the toilet with loo roll so there was no chance of any noise which would frequently block the toilet. I doubt this is the only abusive behaviour he displays towards your children. His behaviour is about control, he is a nasty abusive controlling bully, don't allow him access to your children.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. This is my fear. I too have told my daughter to get a cup to wee in. Before giving my head a wobble!!!!!!
I have told them to creep, to put loo roll down. But today. Today I am absolutely not standing for this. My children deserve better. I will take this in hand tomorrow first thing. I am not going to teach my children to put up with other people’s abuse.
I have sat on this for a few weeks. I have tried to deal with it directly. I can’t let it continue. I won’t let it continue.

OP posts:
orangemagnolia · 14/05/2023 22:06

Call Social Services. Call the NSPCC. Talk to their teachers. Talk to their doctor. They'll be able to flag this as a safeguarding concern. Get a trail of evidence and as much advice and support as you can.

KittyAlfred · 14/05/2023 22:06

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