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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Letting children wee in the night yes or no?

396 replies

ToWeeornotToWee · 14/05/2023 20:39

Do you let your children wee during the night? I’m talking school age children who are old enough to hold out till morning.

Imagine the noise of them using the toilet wakes up the grown ups in the house disturbing their sleep.

Does that change your opinion?

Edited by MNHQ to add that there's a bit of a vital update from the OP that should be read before responding later in the thread

OP posts:
OliveWah · 14/05/2023 21:43

I would raise it with him again, one more time but very gently and over text or email, simply as a way of getting his abusive behaviour in writing from him so that you have proof when you ask for help. Good luck dealing with this, he sounds horrific. The kids are so lucky they have you.

goldenlocks · 14/05/2023 21:43

This is one of the worst things I have read on MN. What an evil man.

AnyFucker · 14/05/2023 21:44

Op, please speak to the school nurse about this matter and get some support from safeguarding services

Don’t try to handle it on your own.

You must protect your children. Have courage and make that call first thing tomorrow. You can do it.

BonnieMummy · 14/05/2023 21:44

@FattyAirways FFS read the whole thread before you write your shitty judgemental comments

pecantoucan · 14/05/2023 21:45

Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco · 14/05/2023 21:43

Not really ideal but couldn’t they share a potty?

WTAF no don't be so cruel! That's awful. Why would you do that when they can just go and use the loo. As long as the kids aren't making a racket and singing etc they are doing nothing wrong.

Freshlycutgrasss · 14/05/2023 21:45

Has he put it in writing (text or email) that he won't let them use the loo at his overnight? I think having it in writing from him will strengthen any action you take.

pecantoucan · 14/05/2023 21:45

ToWeeornotToWee · 14/05/2023 21:41

Contact is court ordered so not sending them is not an option. Also it would make it all very messy. I need to deal with this calmly without distressing the children further. I have no interest in drama and every interest in my children’s well-being.

Back to court then

Zeonlywayisup · 14/05/2023 21:45

They should be allowed to use the toilet at night. Poor things.

almostoverthehill · 14/05/2023 21:45

This has got to be one of the most ridiculous thinks I’ve read here in a while FFS

Humanwoman · 14/05/2023 21:46

Text or email him and tell him he is not to restrict the childrens basic human rights this includes access to a toilet whenever they need one.
If he replies refusing then you have your proof and I would not be sending them again.
What will actually happen if you don't send them to court ordered contact?

steff13 · 14/05/2023 21:46

If the problem is the noise could they just not flush the toilet when they go in the middle of the night? I would not tolerate this at all; I'd be taking it back to court.

ModestMoon · 14/05/2023 21:46

Cross posted with you. Get it in writing and take it back to court.

Any chance you could persuade your kids to tell the school?

Sazzy6258 · 14/05/2023 21:46

This is ABUSE.

BonnieMummy · 14/05/2023 21:46

@Offensiveapprently read the full thread FFS. Your comments sounds both stupid and very unkind given OP’s circumstances

MegaManic · 14/05/2023 21:46

I wouldn't lift them to wee as I think it is pointless but if they got up themselves to wee of course I wouldn't stop them - surely the alternative is they wet the bed.

ChrisPPancake · 14/05/2023 21:46

Offensiveapprently · 14/05/2023 21:40

You sound like an amazing parent.🙄

Rtft 🙄

MargotBamborough · 14/05/2023 21:46

This is nuts. If you're disturbed by people getting up to wee in the night you need ear plugs.

Original poster
ToWeeornotToWee · 14/05/2023 21:46

I don’t know that this is enough of an issue to go back to court over? Maybe it is?

Family court was AWFUL. Absolutely awful. And because he comes across as a very clever articulate professional powerful man and I was a wobbly emotional mess (who wouldn’t be discussing the future contact of your babies!!) then he walked all over me and railroaded this contact agreement.

I do have evidence of toilet denial yes. Evidence of me suggesting it’s causing a problem and him accusing me that it’s me causing the problem. He has also accused me of making my eldest ‘emotionally reliant’ on me. He says I am responsible for creating an environment in which my daughter doesn’t want to leave me on a Sunday morning.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 14/05/2023 21:46

It would be cruel to stop anyone using the toilet when they needed to. Would you prefer a wet bed?

AppropriateAdult · 14/05/2023 21:47

Please, please call the social care team ( or your social worker if you already have one?) first thing tomorrow. The overnights with their dad need to stop immediately until/unless this is rectified. You need support with this, and someone with authority needs to know. Let him go apeshit if he wants.

Nanny0gg · 14/05/2023 21:47

almostoverthehill · 14/05/2023 21:45

This has got to be one of the most ridiculous thinks I’ve read here in a while FFS

The fact that so many people can't be bothered to look for the OP's updates is the really ridiculous part.

ChrisPPancake · 14/05/2023 21:48

I think maybe you do need to go back to court yes. All the negative posts (against you because people are so very quick to judge without bothering to read updates) point to the fact that it is harmful to your dc.

Nanny0gg · 14/05/2023 21:48

ToWeeornotToWee · 14/05/2023 21:46

I don’t know that this is enough of an issue to go back to court over? Maybe it is?

Family court was AWFUL. Absolutely awful. And because he comes across as a very clever articulate professional powerful man and I was a wobbly emotional mess (who wouldn’t be discussing the future contact of your babies!!) then he walked all over me and railroaded this contact agreement.

I do have evidence of toilet denial yes. Evidence of me suggesting it’s causing a problem and him accusing me that it’s me causing the problem. He has also accused me of making my eldest ‘emotionally reliant’ on me. He says I am responsible for creating an environment in which my daughter doesn’t want to leave me on a Sunday morning.

Do you have a solicitor?

ChrisPPancake · 14/05/2023 21:48

Nanny0gg · 14/05/2023 21:47

The fact that so many people can't be bothered to look for the OP's updates is the really ridiculous part.

Show quote history

Agreed!

womenoftheworldtakeover · 14/05/2023 21:48

ToWeeornotToWee · 14/05/2023 21:46

I don’t know that this is enough of an issue to go back to court over? Maybe it is?

Family court was AWFUL. Absolutely awful. And because he comes across as a very clever articulate professional powerful man and I was a wobbly emotional mess (who wouldn’t be discussing the future contact of your babies!!) then he walked all over me and railroaded this contact agreement.

I do have evidence of toilet denial yes. Evidence of me suggesting it’s causing a problem and him accusing me that it’s me causing the problem. He has also accused me of making my eldest ‘emotionally reliant’ on me. He says I am responsible for creating an environment in which my daughter doesn’t want to leave me on a Sunday morning.

Of course it’s enough of an issue. Your children are being abused, you need to protect them. Please tell school tomorrow.