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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Letting children wee in the night yes or no?

396 replies

ToWeeornotToWee · 14/05/2023 20:39

Do you let your children wee during the night? I’m talking school age children who are old enough to hold out till morning.

Imagine the noise of them using the toilet wakes up the grown ups in the house disturbing their sleep.

Does that change your opinion?

Edited by MNHQ to add that there's a bit of a vital update from the OP that should be read before responding later in the thread

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 14/05/2023 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Reading issues?

ChrisPPancake · 14/05/2023 21:39

Is contact court ordered @ToWeeornotToWee ? Because if not and they were mine they wouldn't be going.

Original poster
ToWeeornotToWee · 14/05/2023 21:39

We coparent 50/50. He has been, until this issue, a good dad.

I am also worried about 10 yo and periods. I’ve been hoping one of them will disclose at school but they are worried to tell a teacher because they know they will call their Dad.

Literally as soon as he knows I am involving an authority he will go batshit. I will get all the accusations that my mental health is bad and that I am causing the anxiety in the children.

He is a master manipulator and uses his professional role to look like a decent bloke. He will not take kindly to me challenging his rule.

This thread has helped me see how important it is that I take action now.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 14/05/2023 21:39

A few questions

Does he put this in writing?
Do your children have any support from the school due the the break up and acrimonious relationship?
Will they tell anyone outside the family about this or is it a secret?

Bargellobitch · 14/05/2023 21:39

I'm sorry this is happening at their dad's.
It abusive, selfish and bonkers. Of course it will cause physical and mental health issues. You are not wrong to think it's not normal.

Dontfencemein · 14/05/2023 21:39

OP, I am so sorry that you are going through this. Total red flag that he and his partner have this expectation. No child should have to wait to wee in their own home. They’re being utterly unreasonable.

LouLou198 · 14/05/2023 21:39

Of course I do!!
How ridiculous.

Songbird54321 · 14/05/2023 21:39

I just echo what everyone else has already said. But also, is this the only abusive thing he does towards the children? I'd imagine not, in which case get the bastard away from them, get him removed from any kind of overnight custody as a minimum. Absolutely absurd behaviour, he sounds like a lunatic.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/05/2023 21:40

Really hoping this is a wee troll as this is crazy. No, of course you don’t restrict people’s access to the toilet all night.

Soproudoflionesses · 14/05/2023 21:40

Weird post.
Would you rather they wet the ned op?!

Ruffpuff · 14/05/2023 21:40

WTF. Why would you prevent your child from going to the toilet if they need to?

Offensiveapprently · 14/05/2023 21:40

You sound like an amazing parent.🙄

Hellno45 · 14/05/2023 21:40

Can't hold back wind and water.

Original poster
ToWeeornotToWee · 14/05/2023 21:41

Contact is court ordered so not sending them is not an option. Also it would make it all very messy. I need to deal with this calmly without distressing the children further. I have no interest in drama and every interest in my children’s well-being.

OP posts:
FattyAirways · 14/05/2023 21:41

I really hope that you don't stop your kids from going to the toilet in the middle of the night. Do you know that holding your bladder can cause UTI's or are you really that thick? Some people shouldn't be allowed to have kids.

whynotwhatknot · 14/05/2023 21:41

Do you have any of what he said in messages? is the contact court ordered

if not refuse to let him have them and get some legal advice

ModestMoon · 14/05/2023 21:41

@BeverlyHa @booboo82 the OP has updates just read them!

OP this is absolutely awful I can feel the panic through your messages. You need to stop them from going. I say this from someone who is completely on your side and I say this to help you: you are enabling their abuse by letting them stay over. They are so worries about this issue that they are highly distressed before going. Children should not have to live in fear like this. Imagine how awful for a young child to be scared all the time in case they need the toilet at their dad's house. You need to stop them from staying overnight. Is contact court ordered? If yes, go back to court asap. If no, just stop sending them.

whynotwhatknot · 14/05/2023 21:42

Cross posted with you-take it back to court this is abuse

Divorcedalongtime · 14/05/2023 21:42

100% out of 864 votes, I’ve never seen that before, impressive.
many adults wee in the night, I can’t see why children shouldn’t be allowed

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/05/2023 21:42

Sorry - wish it had been a troll as this is horrible.

Im so sorry for you and your poor DC

Cherrysherbet · 14/05/2023 21:42

This is horrible op. Your poor kids.

This is abuse and you need to be the one to stop it.
Make it clear that if he does this even once more, you will be stopping them coming over….. then follow through.

He’s a nasty bully.

Floralys2 · 14/05/2023 21:43

If they aren't allowed to use the toilet I would tell them to go on the carpet in their bedroom

You're horrible ex will soon change his mind

EarthSight · 14/05/2023 21:43

I feel sorry for your children. They will remember this when they grow up. Your poor, poor daughter. If she has periods pains, heavy periods and diarrhea? Having any pressure on the bladder can make those pains and contractions worse, so an empty bladder is important to cope.

womenoftheworldtakeover · 14/05/2023 21:43

What the actual eff? I’ve read all your updates op and I’m so sorry your children are going through this but I’m shocked you would even have to question yourself. It is abuse.

Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco · 14/05/2023 21:43

Not really ideal but couldn’t they share a potty?