Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Vegan inviting themselves to join a dinner resulting in everyone having a crap dinner

258 replies

NewShoesForSpring · 13/05/2023 20:31

I was away with work meeting several international colleagues.

3 of us were staying in the same direction & decided we'd head back together & get some dinner on the way. The quiet girl, let's call her Mary, heard us & said she was staying in the same general direction & would leave with us. We had no problem with this & so once we were finished up that drink we left the general group & checked if she was ready etc

We get off the metro at a busy area close to where our hotels are & there are loads of lovely bistros etc, all busy so one of the group suggestes we try one that looks v nice & has loads of people dining etc. We go over to take a look at the menu (though if it had been just me & the person who suggested it I'd say we'd have just gone straight in! It was getting late & we'd been slightly concerned we wouldn't even find dinner at that stage. So this place looked perfect.

Anyway Maria is hesitating by the menu & then she pipes up that she's vegan....

She tries asking the waiter if they have anything but he doesn't understand & do we're all standing about dithering & she had NO suggestions of what she'd like to do..we start walking around the square looking at all the menus....its now 10.15pm...I can feel our chances of finding some nice food fading...

She spends AGES reading every menu to reject them all. Eventually she stops in front of a cheap Lebanese place & says 'oh falafel I love them...' so we found ourselves eating a really crap dinner. Essentially it was like a takeaway place with plastic cutlery.

The colleague who suggested the Bistro is perhaps late 60s & has a condition that gives her a tremor & she wanted to sit inside as it was getting chilly outside

Maria the vegan said oh shall we sit outside? It's nicer..more dithering for the group of 4 if us as we don't know each other & everyone was trying to be polite

I was getting to the end of my patience then so went to the bathroom & said I'd find them

Came out...they were outside...poor other colleague was wrapping a scarf around herself. We were surrounded by people smoking those glass pipe things (I forget the name)

The food was v basic. I ordered a vegetarian plate (it looked like that might be the best option ). It consisted of cubed potatoes, rice, a small spoon of veg moussaka & bread - cards on carbs!

I ate it without fuss & also worked hard to keep the small talk inclusive etc . I asked Maria how she normally copes with the vegan diet when travelling & she said she usually gets supermarket food. So from that point of view I was glad she did stay out.

But bloody hell there was a really selfish part of me thar was looking longingly across the square at the lovely bistro & wishing for a lovely glass of red wine & steak et frites...it had been tantalisingly close. I also wanted to chat to the older colleague about a part of work / project we're both involved in but it would have left Maria out of the loop.

And to top it all...I we spent so long faffing about finding vegan food by the time I got back to my hotel the bar had closed so I never even got thar glass of wine!

I REALLY wanted to say to Maria & the 4th colleague who didn't seem at all bothered by any of it - you go for the vegan stuff. Me & other colleague want go in here & eat meat / fish. But somehow that just didn't seem possible.

I woke up today feeling like a horrible person even though i did not let Maria know I was irritated....

OP posts:
Throwawayme · 13/05/2023 20:33

You're not a horrible person. I would have said we want to eat meat/fish!

NewShoesForSpring · 13/05/2023 20:33

Sorry for all the typos. On my phone

OP posts:
FourFourOne · 13/05/2023 20:34

I’m vegan but I feel for you, this sounds very annoying!

Sissynova · 13/05/2023 20:35

You will survive. It was one meal not centred around your interests, it’s not the end of the world.

weatherissweet · 13/05/2023 20:36

It’s not a big deal though is it. You got your dinner even if it wasn’t the best meal you’ve ever had. Oh well

HungryandIknowit · 13/05/2023 20:37

I feel like I could easily be you in this situation. It sounds really annoying.

Swishhh · 13/05/2023 20:38

Sounds like every time I used to go out with my vegan friend. She’d spend ages analysing the menu, it took all the joy out of the evening. I don’t ask her out now.

InBeautifulKindWays · 13/05/2023 20:38

Most places would have had at least one vegan meal, probably more.

Speak up, don’t be so passive. You’re an adult.

KirstenBlest · 13/05/2023 20:39

There were three of you. You let the vegan make all the decisions. I'd have let her go to the vegan place on her own whilst you went to the bistro.

EmmaEmerald · 13/05/2023 20:40

KirstenBlest · 13/05/2023 20:39

There were three of you. You let the vegan make all the decisions. I'd have let her go to the vegan place on her own whilst you went to the bistro.

Yes and your colleague who wanted to sit outside also shpuld have spoken up.

People only get away with this shit if you let them.

Aspargustips · 13/05/2023 20:40

You agree to go to the place 🤷‍♀️

would you feel the same if was allergies vs diet choice?

pecantoucan · 13/05/2023 20:40

If all the "dithering" bothers you stand up and take charge next time

LolaSmiles · 13/05/2023 20:40

Not getting a bistro of choice wouldn't bother me, nor would making a bit of small talk with the new person, but not getting to eat until late in the evening because a person I barely knew decided we should all walk around and sit in the cold eating the one thing that meets her dietary preferences would really annoy me.

unfor · 13/05/2023 20:40

That does sound really frustrating, but lesson learned - next time just say "me and Colleague were looking forward to a steak so I think we'll go in here". Mary said what she needed and got it, next time that can be you. (Easier said than done, I know, I'm sure I would have done the same as you!)

Stepbystep100 · 13/05/2023 20:41

We have this with fussy relatives . They aren't vegan but very fussy and we always end up pandering to them! Although we try and avoid going to minimise the issue

dotdotdotdash · 13/05/2023 20:41

Yes, sounds annoying. I’m direct these days and would have said, we fancy the bistro, would you like to join us?

pecantoucan · 13/05/2023 20:41

Where is the leadership? Why were you all so passive.

Undisclosedlocation · 13/05/2023 20:42

I don’t think it’s particularly fair to be annoyed at her when you have been so woefully passive and just gone along with it!

bellac11 · 13/05/2023 20:43

Possibly annoying as it meant the whole group had to eat at a particular restaurant regardless when it was about the minority person in the group.

But, Lebanese food is lovely, they're not a vegan society as far as I know

Airdustmoon · 13/05/2023 20:43

I’m not vegan but vegetarian and 20 years ago it wasn’t always easy to get veggie food in restaurants in Europe. I have always just fitted in as I recognise it’s me who’s the outlier - so if the restaurant of choice for the majority didn’t have anything veggie I’d just order a side salad and a bowl of chips. Maria sounds like a pain!

Dontlistitonfacebook · 13/05/2023 20:43

Oh that sounds so annoying! At least you got dinner though.

I am dairy free for medical reasons. Went to an event recently ( the organiser knew I was dairy free and said to come). There was nothing I could eat. Had to watch others eating delicious food while I drank black tea.

Said it was fine, I'd eaten etc (true, because I've been in these situations many times ) as didn't want anyone to feel bad. But I did feel a bit sad to be honest!

So yeah, I understand your disappointment.

Fandabedodgy · 13/05/2023 20:44

You got a meal which included everyone as opposed to leaving someone on her on.

The world will keep on turning

ListeningToZach · 13/05/2023 20:45

Speak up. No point moaning after the event.

I’m vegan, when out with friends/colleagues, we choose somewhere that has something for everyone or we’ve occasionally split up for food and met back up for drinks.

Use your words.

FurAndFeathers · 13/05/2023 20:46

Honestly you all sound like dithery martyrs.

learn to use your words. You aren’t on a coach tour!

I’m sure the bistro would have had a salad and chips, you could have sat inside. Instead you all passively followed along doing stuff you didn’t want to do.
baffling

Bathroomlove · 13/05/2023 20:46

InBeautifulKindWays · 13/05/2023 20:38

Most places would have had at least one vegan meal, probably more.

Speak up, don’t be so passive. You’re an adult.

@InBeautifulKindWays

Did I miss where the OP said where they were that you'd know every place would have vegan food??

@NewShoesForSpring of course you weren't horrible. It's difficult in a situation where you're out with virtual strangers. Will you get an oppIrtunity to try the Bistro?

Swipe left for the next trending thread