Is this normal for a hen do?

[Worthyoflove]

My friend is getting married.

Hen do is in June and hosted at home as there will quite a few pregnant women and breastfeeding so a night out drinking is off the table. Instead will be games in the garden and a bbq and they’re asking for £25 a head. There will be atleast 10-20people there so not a small amount of cash.

Is this normal these days? It’s really put me off going. I’d rather bring some food to the bbq (I could do the whole lot for less than £50!)

Not really the case the. The reverse wold be ‘a group of us are planning a hen for our dear friend. We don’t have to have it out as some bridesmaids are pregnant or have had new babies and we want to be mindful of cost. Thinking of a lovely day in the garden with cocktails, mocktails, nibbles, desserts and a really lovely bbq. Probably some decorations and games to make it feel special for our friend. Do you think £25 per person is reasonable?’

As expected you would get the handful of ‘I wouldn’t spend 2p on a hen party they are so low class’ but the majority of people would say yes that sounds like a reasonable amount for everyone to contribute to a lovely day celebrating a close friend.

You would also have to add in the bit about changing children £25 to

😂😂

You aren’t right though. You don’t get to decide what is or isn’t acceptable for someone’s hen.

The OP clearly calls it a hen, to the bride to be and her close friends view it as a hen then it’s a hen. Literally all there is to it.

Bit hard to comment as we don’t know all the costs involved. Are they hiring caterers, DJ/entertainment, a marquee, stripper, hiring/buying glasses, chair hire are all drinks included? If you had gone to a restaurant or a bar £50 would be spent in a blink of your eye. I guess report back in June to confirm if was good value or not. I also think you know that £50 wouldn’t feed 10-20 people. We had birthday bbq last year for 15 people and spent well over £50. I spent more than that on champagne.

It's fine.

Lots of food and probably different kinds of entertainment, decorations. If sounds like they’re going to make it really nice and can easily refund you all if they have leftover money.

Also it’s pretty cheap when you consider how much a meal cost!

’Extortionate’?!

I think you’re tight.

I’m in the fortunate position to not have to spread the cost if I have a party but I certainly wouldn’t begrudge £25 for a friends Hen if asked. It’s a super cheap night for godsake. What would you expect to pay if you went out to dinner?!

I agree with everyone else who’s said it’s reasonable for food, drink and decorations, games etc and presumably disposable plates, cups etc. I also think it would be perfectly reasonable for it to include the cost of a cleaner after the poor hostess has had that many people round!!

You misunderstand - I was right about the the OP's DD was a child. Not an adult, which is what people were saying.

I think the common understanding of a 'hen' is relevant because... that is exactly what the OP asked. Whether £25 was reasonable for a hen? Would the answers have changed if she'd asked... is £25 reasonable for a garden party?

If nobody can define a 'hen' we don't know what amount is reasonable because we don't know what it involves. Again, everyone is assuming it'll be an extra special BBQ, but we don't even know that it's true.

I do think the hosts should have provided more information on what the agenda will be. It's odd to ask people for money without knowing what it's for,

You think £250-500 is a normal amount to spend on a BBQ?

Most of the people going are children or pregnant so it’s not like it will be spent on alcohol.

A bag of 20 Richmond sausages are about £3 but you can get them for a lot cheaper.

So you also think one person should shoulder the entire cost?

Right, but putting on a nice event for a friend’s hen do is going to involve a significant amount more than a bag of budget sausages.

And as much as the OP is trying to down play the booze situation, I’m sure it’s not going to be an entirely dry, teetotal affair.

Well if booze is included why should 8 year olds and breastfeeding mums pay the same as those who are drinking!

@ShowUs A bag of 20 Richmond sausages are about £3 but you can get them for a lot cheaper.

Says it all really.

Most people would be inclined to push the boat out a bit further than a bag of sausages for a quid when it’s a special occasion.

You're very rude for someone who can't even spell chaos! Being sneery to those you perceive as beneath you is dreadfully common.

I definitely don’t disagree that kids should pay less. We

Like what?

OP said garden parties and games are a common thing amongst her friends so I’m pretty sure she has more understanding of how much it will cost compared to strangers on the internet who don’t know this friend.

Well nice drinks and mocktails for pregnant or BFing friends can cost almost the same as alcohol.

Anytime we’ve had pregnant girls at a hen I’ve always gone out of my way to ensure they are considered and have options just as nice to drink as those on cocktails and spritz’s. There are nicer things to offer than cheap lemonade as a soft option.

The 8 year old is different, but it doesn’t seem like they have actually said it costs £25 for the 8 year old. OP could be getting the wrong end of the stick.
Personally I think the OP should just leave th kid at home and enjoy a day with her friends though.

If there are 10-20 people going obviously not all of them are pregnant or breastfeeding, so there will probably be some alcohol there. Food, decorations, games and drinks is going to cost quite a bit, so I don't see the issue with £25 to cover costs. Much cheaper than most hen do these days!

But I don’t see how a random Saturday hanging out in one of the friends gardens is relevant to the situation with the hen though?
I think most people would think it almost goes without saying that generally there is a nicer spread at a party/occasion/ special event than a random last minute bbq though.

OP knows how much I costs, we all know, £25.
If she doesn’t want to contribute she doesn’t have to go.

I hosted an at-home picnic style hen party with loads of people and it still was £20 a head. Alcohol and snacks and gifts for the hen at up!

You'd think that, eh? But it might not be so. As I mentioned earlier.. I have been to hens where it was stinge, stinge and all the money went on stuff for the bride. I don't know why I bothered.

And she said 'BBQ with garden games' not a 'random Saturday hanging in the garden' so it does sound more organised than casual.

I don't know why people are comparing the cost to 'hen do's' these days. A hen do can be anything, from a night out to a trip abroad. £300 would be expensive for a night out but great value for a week abroad but they are both hen do's.

That's why I'm personally not jumping for joy at '£25 is great value! all the other hens are a lot more'. Those other hens may be more elaborate.

Personally I'd go only if I was part of the bridal party, but I wouldn't consider an evening in someone's garden with kids all over the place worth that money.

Also... given that everyone is quick to jump down people throat with 'read the room!' I'm surprised comments such as 'only £25 quid' have been ignored. It's a lot of money if you're skint.

I would expect the host to cover the majority and if it was me I'd ask others to bring their own drinks

@Sissynova this is what I mean... why gifts for the hen? Why is that even needed?
Surely a wedding present is enough?