Is this normal for a hen do?

[Worthyoflove]

My friend is getting married.

Hen do is in June and hosted at home as there will quite a few pregnant women and breastfeeding so a night out drinking is off the table. Instead will be games in the garden and a bbq and they’re asking for £25 a head. There will be atleast 10-20people there so not a small amount of cash.

Is this normal these days? It’s really put me off going. I’d rather bring some food to the bbq (I could do the whole lot for less than £50!)

I wouldn’t pay £25 for an 8 year old to come to a hen do-won’t there be plastic willies there?!

Leave her at home, pay your £25 and have a laugh.

Maybe they are hiring someone to cook/host? 25 is very reasonable in my opinion

£50 for a whole day without the kids and DH?! Yes please!

reality is if the OP doesn’t have £25 spare then she doesn’t have to go. That’s all there is to it really.

and if she can afford £25 but doesn’t want to pay £50, then don’t take your eight year old to a hen do and moan about the cost!

@Sissynova

It’s not £25 it’s £50 because there’s 2 of them and if most people said they couldn’t go then that would be not fair on the hen.

I assume if money was nothing to OP then she wouldn’t be on MN asking because she’d just pay it.

I personally wouldn’t expect my friends and family’s kids or non- drinkers to cover the cost of those that are drinking alcohol.
But obviously you would and so we have different views.

Its not about moaning but some of us just wouldn’t want to charge our family and friends for something they weren’t getting as we don’t think it’s fair.

But I’ll carry on doing what I think is fair and you carry on charging everyone the same if you think that’s fair.

There's no pleasing some people.

I would happily pay £25 for what sounds like a lovely, relaxed hen do. I'd just be grateful it wasn't the full shebang with flights, accommodation, expensive group activities etc that seems to have become the norm. Not to mention a hen do that doesn't involve having to take take time off work and organise childcare...that's the dream!!

If the hen is hosting then how incredibly thoughtful of her to prioritise the needs of her pregnant, BF and Mum friends. It's supposed to be all about her but you can bet it will be a lot of work. Why should she be out of pocket? If someone else is hosting then, again, that's kind of them to take it on so why should they have to foot the bill. If you don't want to spend the extra money then can you get someone to look after your DD and go alone?

For goodness sake, it would cost you more than £25 per head for a meal out if you went anywhere half decent!

Hen nights are normally fraught with logistical nightmares so sorting childcare, passports, who's in which bed. A BBQ sounds spit on.
It's usual for someone other than the bride to do the organising (even if it's at the direction of the hen). It's also usual for the hen to not have to pay towards the 'do'.
Personally I'd look at it this way. The £25 covers more than food - condiments, napkins, cutlery, plates, bowls etc, decorations, rubbish bags...then maybe marquee, music, seating/cushions, sashes/hats, sparklers, party bags, flowers, tip run/rubbish, gift.....
£25 for a nice party isn't much. I'd be delighted to have a set cost that I'd be pretty confident isn't going to rise. Let's say it only comes to £22.73 each. Is your concern someone is 'on the make'? I'd imagine the organiser will buy a gift with what's left over after expenses but by all means ask to see the accounts and for your £2.27 back.
Alternatively offer to be the organiser and undercut her. Who knows you might end up making £50...for around 3 days work.

I'm so sorry for the host. She's trying to do a nice, inclusive event that suits everyone. Of course she shouldn't have to cover the cost herself, it's perfectly normal for everyone except the bride to contribute to a hen do's expenses, whether in a restaurant, bar or hosted by some kind friend putting a lot of work in.

When she's got the contributions she can fit the decorations, games, food, drinks and everything else to her budget. Things like alcohol-free gin cost as much as a bottle of Gordons, or more. If there's money left over, presumably someone kind enough to go to the effort of hosting is also kind enough to either refund any excess or put it towards a gift from all the hens to the bride. If it's a paltry amount, so what, let the poor woman have a drink on you.

The idea that someone would make a profit, as some people have said... this is the bride's close friend! Why assume she'd exploit the situation? Normal people don't. Do you have any idea how much work is involved in sorting out events like that? It's a generous thing to do.

Chuck her the money and be grateful you have so little to do to arrange a celebration for your friend.

And for those saying "£25 is a lot for a garden BBQ" - hosting a party for 20 people costs a shit-tonne more and one person shouldn't have to fund that.

But you’re just making a whole bunch of stuff up though! You know the OP might bring her daughter. You have no idea how many other kids will be there, how many drinkers, how many non drinkers etc.
You’ve made random assumptions. You don’t know that ‘people are being charged for something they aren’t getting’.

You are clearly one of the MNers who hate most social situations and seem to think the mere invitation is an imposition on the OP.
If she wants to go she can. If she want to make it more affordable she can leave her daughter and go alone.

When I attended a hen pregnant I contributed the same amount to the food and drink as anyone else by choice. Firstly because I’m not going to nickel and dime my friends and they aren’t going to do the same to me. They weren’t making money out of me. They had lots of lovely non alcoholic aperitifs and mocktails which cost pretty much the same as alcohol and had lots of chocolate and sweets available to give me some energy in the evening.

For all those saying a non drinker shouldn’t pay the same, how much less do you think they should pay?

Well we are assuming there will be a selection of nice non alcoholic gins to make fancy no alcohol cocktails.

Bit it may well be lemonade for all! No alcohol at all (or just Prosecco for a toast)

With most people? Bringing babies or kids it's not likely a boozt afternoon.

So I'd assume £26 covers one glass of fizz each and that's it. Then it's fair that all adults pay about the same -as they are contributing towards a party for the hen. I don't see why kids also cost £25 but who knows, there may be lots of kid's activities (though odd for a hen!)

This thread seems to hinge on several points:
Is the event a bona fide hen do?
What are the essential features of a hen do?
What quality and quantity of food and drink will be served?
Will there be entertainment and what kind?
How much of the work and preparation will be done by the organiser herself or will some
of it be subcontracted?
Whether it is reasonable to take young children and whether they should be charged at the same rates as adults. Will any special arrangements such as entertainment be laid on for them?

We don’t know the answer to most of these questions but, on balance, if the OP goes to the party, I don’t the £25 is unreasonable. Even with her DD what sort of treat would you get for two for £50? A trip to the cinema with popcorn and drinks and a burger or pizza? As Pp have said, the OP has the option not go at all or not to take DD.

Also, I am somewhat amazed that, after all the threads we’ve had about pricey hens, we get one about a modest one and people are still either saying “It’s too much” or “It won’t be very good!”

They've got to pay for the stripper out of that. I'd say it was a bargain!

From a baker, a cake alone for 10-20 people would cost around £100, personalised favours would be £40/50
Decorating, gift bags, balloon arches, personalised signs/ games can be limitless but for my hen I spent around £150

Don't forget this is supposed to be something SPECIAL for your friend, maybe they are getting in cocktail makers because that's something the drinkers and non drinkers can enjoy too.
We've hired a sax for a garden party before that was £150 for 2 hours

I'm well over £25 a head spend already and that's not even factoring in food.
You are being ridiculous and I find it in really bad taste that you think someone who is organising and putting in all the hard work is turning a profit on £25PH
I wouldn't even be able the host a meal for another couple at my own home for £50 so I'm glad for your friend your not the host

don't be so patronising. None of us are 'confused.' OP described it as a hen do, because it IS a hen do, so nobody responding to her OP in the context of the reason for the party being a hen do is 'confused' or misunderstanding anything.

Yes a garden party is usually cheaper than a spa. But it can still cost money.
Sometimes things that are for events cost more. In the same way venues charge more for Christmas parties than they do for the same meal at other times of the year, for example.

It's entirely relevant that THIS specific garden party is for a particular celebration rather than just a normal catch up, because that provides the rationale for asking for the money.

If OP comes back and says that the hen do was exactly like all the rest of the informal garden parties she and her friends host with nothing differentiating it, then yes, she might then be reasonable to query where the £25 went.

But it's very likely that it will involve more people, decorations, party games, nicer food, a wider variety of drinks, possibly a themed cake, etc. So the fact its a hen party is entirely pertinent to the discussion. If OP HADN'T mentioned it was a hen party it would have completely misrepresented the situation. It would be like saying 'AIBU - friend A has asked if we all want to put £30 in to pay for friend B's holiday?' On just that information it sounds like an odd thing to do, if you put in context that the 'holiday' is B's honeymoon and A is suggesting the friend group do a joint present rather than individual ones as a wedding gift it's completely normal.

Is hen do cake a thing now? Genuine question. Never heard of it. What an absolute waste of cash if so.

I could do the whole lot for less than £50!

I do a lot of catering and would struggle at £2.50 a head including everything your £25 per head would. I'd be interested to know what you would serve for that - partly for my own use and partly to see whether you could go back to them with that list and ask what additional is being included for £25 per head? Maybe you could help reduce the cost for everyone?
Although personally I'd just pay it and be very grateful they weren't asking me to pay for flights and hotels which seems to be 'the thing' these days

Why is it a waste of money because other people enjoy nice food? Cake is just a type of dessert which is very normal at a party.

I think ti's perfectly reasonable. They possibly aren't doing a bbq and have caterers in. There's drinks and food and entertainment they may be hiring extra chairs or tables.

Whoever’s organising it will be buying decorations, banners, party game stuff, drinks, food, all sorts! £25 a head sounds great.

Did you not know that people have cakes to celebrate events (birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, leaving dos, retirements, Tuesdays, yada, yada…)…

Really………?

🪨 < rock you’ve obviously been living under.

@choasandrain it is a thing
You have cake to celebrate at most parties birthdays/ christenings/ retirements, gender reveals, if people want to order a cake for a hen do why shouldn't they it's just something that will make it different to a normal garden party.
I'm not saying it's something everyone does but from personal experience with personalised favours (not cakes) hen dos and baby showers are the most popular events x

I think that's reasonable. Assuming will be nice BBQ food. And guessing good selection of drinks, non alcoholic cordials etc can be really expensive, even sparkling water has doubled in price recently.
Also not unreasonable to chip in for some decorations.

A BBQ for 20 people for £50 sounds shit. I understand she doens't want that for her hen do.

£25 is fine.

Are you sure they are wanting £25 per child too? If this was me organising I’d be splitting the cost between adults only and not allocating a price for the kids to “pay”. I think £25 per adult is perfectly reasonable.