To ask for your positives to having a newborn

[elm26]

Hello! Me again 😂

38 weeks and I'm SICK of hearing "you're tired? just you wait!", "your life will never be the same!", "your whole day and night will be a cycle of feed, wipe bum and settle", "get used to a cold cup of tea" etc etc etc

It's driving me insane and as somebody who has had depression and anxiety all of my life, it's really kicking my anxiety off to the point I'm wondering if I will enjoy any of it at all?

A little bit of background, I'm 29, married with a lovely/supportive/hard working/kind DH, we've had 13 miscarriages, we have an 8 year old spaniel, great family and friends. I count myself very lucky.

I feel like I've been waiting a lifetime to get this far into a pregnancy, I have been so ill throughout with Hyperemesis, covid, one thing after the other but I'm here, full term, we've made it.

Am I naive to think that yes it's going to be hard, yes we are going to be exhausted, yes there will be poo explosions, sick down a clean outfit, piles of laundry but it's also going to be a really special time with special moments and memories and so much love? Am I naive to believe that me and DH will cope/make a good team? (We aren't perfect and of course bicker/fall out on occasion and I imagine that being sleep deprived etc will probably elevate those frustrations that us humans have sometimes).

I honestly haven't heard anyone say one positive thing to me about being a Mum to a newborn. They all can't wait to meet her and have cuddles etc, they are so happy for us but they make it clear that it's a relief that it's not them doing it again!

I feel like I'm already thinking about baby being 6 because I'm nervous for what's to come and it's making me sad, hormones eh?!

Honestly depends on what baby you get and what sort of person you are. Newborn time with DTs was a Groundhog Day scenario, not much fun. Once they could actually communicate it got a whole lot better.

You don’t notice much of the crappy stuff (sick/ dirty clothes etc) til about 8 weeks because you’re in a fog of adrenaline and awe. The easiest bit is newborn, and you’ll love every moment. Tell them all to fuck off, then blame it on your hormones. Good luck my love, you deserve every inch of this beautiful baby, remind them of that next time anyone says a word!

ALL the cuddles and snuggles.

feeling like you are melting into a puddle from all the oxytocin.

magic.

I absolutely loved the newborn stage with both of my kids. They were so sweet and precious and I loved breastfeeding. I think a lot of mum's are their own worst enemy, honestly. Yes, it's a lot of work and you'll be sleep deprived, but it doesn't last forever. Just take it one hour at a time and be easy on yourself. It actually goes by so, so quickly. My kids are adults now and I'd give anything to have just five minutes of holding them again as newborns.

They are totally fascinating!

It’ll be amazing! The cuddling, smelling their hair, listening to them sigh and breathe out of their tiny little nose when they fall asleep in your arms, how warm they are to hold, wanting to put their foot in your mouth, when they grab your finger, just looking them in complete wonderment and thinking that’s MY nanny! Oh I wish it was me again. It can be hard and you’ll be tired but it’s just the best thing in the whole world. Be excited! X

My DD is only 6 months and I already wish I could rewind time and do the newborn stage with her again! Absolute bliss IMO.

New babies smell amazing (bar the poo and wee).

People used to be made to feel like they were doing something wrong or something was wrong with them if they didn’t find the newborn stage amazing. It’s a good thing imo that it’s now ok to admit ‘this is absolutely shit and I’m struggling’. Surely it’s better to be warned it may be hard and then to find you’re actually doing ok. Expect the worst and all that

• Baby clothes are so cute
• 6 week first smile is the first and best milestone
• Walks in the sun with baby in carrier and dog by your side
• Watching them get chunkier and squishier every day

As much as life with a newborn was a really lonely, isolating time in many ways (stick with me, I'm getting to the good bits) I can hand on heart say it was mostly due to other people rather than my baby. Other people's opinions on how I should be winding him, comments on feeding etc.
I did struggle that first year, and I had longed to be a mum forever, but I have many incredible memories of holding my baby boy close and days where we went big walks together just me with him in his pram. Talking to him, cooing over him, just adoring him and watching him develop.
I also remember falling in love deeper with my husband than I ever thought possible, there is nothing more attractive than seeing your partner become a hands on loving parent.
Our children are at high school stage now but we still have a lot of love and cuddles in this house.
Having a baby is as knackering and unpredictable as people say but the beautiful moments and the love you'll feel are so so so much more memorable than any of the tough times.
You're going to have the most wonderful adventure of your lives, you will be completely fine ❤️

Best bits are alllll the cuddles. Tiny hands and feet. All the lovely silly faces they pull. When they gaze at you.
Although it is hard work I quite enjoyed that everything was in service to them, never minded nappies etc.
Take loads and loads of photos, I get something on my timehop every day and I love it.

Honestly I know a lot of people hate it but I LOVED the newborn stage. Ds is 5 months now and I kind of want to go back and snuggle and smell the wee potato of a baby I brought home at the start just for an hour or two because he is so different (and amazing and funny and thriving) now its like a different baby by comparison.

We'd had a few big scares along the way and I think I was just so bloody relieved he was here safe and sound i didn't give a hoot about anything else really. The hormones are - interesting - I would recommend not accidentally watching a program about a mining disaster when you're 4 days pp that took me days to recover from. But I was prepared for the emotion rollercoaster and when I felt a bit fragile I just reminded myself what a huge thing my body had just been through and that it would take time and that was OK. I loved all the skin to skin cuddles with ds in bed the first few weeks. It's definitely intense, I bf and he woke every 2 hrs and fed between 5-9 hours (not all in one go) daily but again I just took it as an excuse to curl up with him and stare at him and watch TV. I made a long Netflix list before he arrived, would recommend you do this! And I got Bluetooth headphones so I could watch box sets on my phone in bed at night while he fed without waking dh beside me. Then if he napped i put him in his moses basket and i napped beside him this was essential to survival. I will say i think a lot of why I loved it was because my dh is very hands on and took over all the cooking cleaning dog walking etc etc etc and checked in on me and was fab with ds. I had a section so if he hadn't been so supportive it would have been much harder. If I could give you three pieces of advice 1) is ignore the "just you wait" people. Every stage is different and you'll like some bits and dislike other bits and some stages you'll enjoy more than others but time flies so I really tried to focus on enjoying each stage for what it was and i think that approach set me up well for it so far.
And 2) set yourself no expectations. House is a tip but baby and you are both still alive? Then that's a parenting win you absolute legend. Anything extra you do on top is just an added bonus. That way you're not putting yourself under pressure with to do lists that you can't get round to and stressing yourself out over it.

And 3) if baby is screaming at you for long periods tap out before you're at your wits end . Ds had awful colic and cried 3hrs most nights between 8 and 11. Dh and I just had to take it in turns consoling him and its really hard. Skin to skin and a warm bath helps if nothing else does but hopefully you won't have that issue!

I made a list of my 'wins' and saved it in my phone so if I had days where I felt like I didn't know what I was doing I could remind myself I was doing OK. And I would also say if you have appointments etc pp I would bring dh or someone if you can. I remember sitting in appointments thinking I am listening hard and taking this all in. I will remember this information. And by the time I got to the car I couldn't tell you what was discussed but dh could. It was the mix of hormones and lack of sleep. That's really the main way I noticed the tiredness presenting in myself so a second set of ears in the early weeks is helpful so you can make informed choices on things. Good luck and enjoy it. And remember if you don't feel all overjoyed initially, that's OK too, nobody knows how they'll react.

It's an amazing time, I looked at my son for the first time and he was so familiar, almost exactly like I'd expected him to look, but there is still the time to get to know each other, every little thing they do is just amazing, I couldnt take my eyes off him.
It can be a blur, its a new life, for you, the baby and your family, of course it takes some getting used to.
It depends what kind of baby you get, with colic or allergies it will be much harder, mine was always happy and easy going, I wish I could do it all again to be honest, but either way they need you, not to be perfect but to love and protect them, you are their whole world and that Is pretty daunting and awe-inspiring in itself.
Lots of people make it much harder than it needs to be. Just enjoy it, the new born stage is so short, the baby stage flies by.
Mother of an arsehole teenager, I'm jealous x
Good luck op, it really is amazing and worth it, call on your support network when you need to even if it's just a dinner you don't have to cook or someone taking babe for a walk when they're a bit bigger x

I didn't enjoy the newborn stage. Sleep deprivation, milk, colick, nappies and crying. There is not much communication from baby except crying.

Everything for me was hazy, recovering from c-section was painful, hormonal imbalance, emotional, anxiety, depression and dealing with changes to body. On top of that, issues with maternity pay etc and flare up of chronic health problem. You may argue with partner... this is probably the most we ever argued in 10 years!

But for me it changed about when baby is 3 months old... the communication and interaction improved with baby.
They're alot more fun, sweet and just a joy to play and watch. You understand them more.

I have heavy family support which allows me to sleep and go to the gym for 1-2 hours a day to help my body recover and mental health improves. I'm just grateful to the family support. It was a life line.

As other have said
Depends on you
Depends on baby
Depends on pregnancy and birth recovery
Depends on your support network

Good luck

It’s hard and it’s the most knackering thing ever but it’s totally wonderful. You have a gorgeous baby, that is yours to adore and you are their whole world.
The smell of them, that feeling that they are new but they’ve been with you forever. That you are changed forever as a person. Honestly you love your husband and your dog but it will never be in the same league as the love that you have for your child. It’s all coming op

Oh sweet lord if I could bottle up the smell of my new born fresh from the womb I would. She’s 17 now, but I still remember that ❤️

Thanks so much everyone, sat here with insomnia and I can't get comfortable and tears streaming down my face reading these!

Thank you for the tips also ♥️

I really do understand that it will be hard, I know that I'm at a big risk of post natal depression thanks to my already existing, long history of depression and I know we will be exhausted at times but I really am desperate to enjoy it as much as possible especially as we've been through so much loss to get here.

One of the things that I'm most looking forward to, that has been mentioned is putting her in the baby sling/pram and walking with her and our dog on a warm day. I walk him a lot anyway as feel like exercise and fresh air does me and my MH good, especially my anxiety.

I feel lucky to have the DH that I do and he is taking 3 weeks off from work (have our own business) so I know he'll be around more than some Fathers are able to be in the first few weeks and I'm really grateful for that as I know how crap paternal leave and pay is. So I'm trying to focus on the positives! X

Of course there are positives
But new borns are the hardest. And they keep you up. They wake you up they spark your anxiety by unlocking 100 new fears overnight. They make you eat cold supper and never a hot coffee anymore. No time or mental power to get dressed. Covered in vomit all the time. Your hormones making you leak every time from all ends. Waking up in puddles of sweat. Hemorroides . Bleeding for weeks.

And getting pnd on top of it

Heck i am indeed glad that my baby is a kid now 😅

Doesn't mean it was ALL bad
But it was fucking hard.

I only had the one baby, and I can't think of a single downside from when he was a new born. Yes it was non stop bottles and nappy changing, but his little face! It was just a delight to make him comfortable, he is 27 now, and I'd do it all again in a heartbeat

And you might end up with a baby who HATES a sling /pram op. So don't look forward to it too much 🤐 to prevent any disappointments.

Just hope for a healthy baby and go from there. It be hard and beautiful in one

The one thing I’ll say… you’ll never know how easy one baby is until you have your 2nd. Enjoy the lazy days, the cuddles and don’t worry about cleaning ect. Just go with it, this too shall pass.. the good and the bad x

Ooh I loved it. I loved cuddling and feeding them for hours. I loved their adorable tiny faces, hands, feet. I loved walking for hours with my tiny person snuggled against me in the sling. It was bloody exhausting but… simple, and good.

The cuddle. They are so precious and you will never get cuddles that tiny ever again so cuddle often, and for hours, it’s so so special.

I also loved breastfeeding and found it very convenient and also a great excuse to excuse yourself from company if you CBA with the endless visitors

The first smile 😍 always have a phone nearby from about 6 weeks because you’re gonna wanna get a picture of that. And when they smile when they see you peering over the crib in a morning - oh my word it’s the best feeling ever

the baby smell. It’s what heaven must smell like. I used to smell my DC’s heads constantly.

Cue little baby baths and the faces they make when you wash them. Getting to wrap a tiny person in a fluffy hooded towel. Too much cuteness.

It will be hard but it’s not ALL hard and after a shit pregnancy you will feel liberated.