To ask for your positives to having a newborn

[elm26]

Hello! Me again 😂

38 weeks and I'm SICK of hearing "you're tired? just you wait!", "your life will never be the same!", "your whole day and night will be a cycle of feed, wipe bum and settle", "get used to a cold cup of tea" etc etc etc

It's driving me insane and as somebody who has had depression and anxiety all of my life, it's really kicking my anxiety off to the point I'm wondering if I will enjoy any of it at all?

A little bit of background, I'm 29, married with a lovely/supportive/hard working/kind DH, we've had 13 miscarriages, we have an 8 year old spaniel, great family and friends. I count myself very lucky.

I feel like I've been waiting a lifetime to get this far into a pregnancy, I have been so ill throughout with Hyperemesis, covid, one thing after the other but I'm here, full term, we've made it.

Am I naive to think that yes it's going to be hard, yes we are going to be exhausted, yes there will be poo explosions, sick down a clean outfit, piles of laundry but it's also going to be a really special time with special moments and memories and so much love? Am I naive to believe that me and DH will cope/make a good team? (We aren't perfect and of course bicker/fall out on occasion and I imagine that being sleep deprived etc will probably elevate those frustrations that us humans have sometimes).

I honestly haven't heard anyone say one positive thing to me about being a Mum to a newborn. They all can't wait to meet her and have cuddles etc, they are so happy for us but they make it clear that it's a relief that it's not them doing it again!

I feel like I'm already thinking about baby being 6 because I'm nervous for what's to come and it's making me sad, hormones eh?!

Omg firstly congratulations
Secondly I'm so so sorry for your losses.
I too had two MC before my little one came along
I was immensely sick for about 5 months and even with people who knew of my losses I still got how hard it would be etc in my conversations

I was looking forward to the newborn but the most .. honestly?
There were times I wasn't eating well, the sleep deprivation ( only from broken sleep not necessarily from no sleep) caught up with me but I never ever once felt anything but grateful!
The newborn weeks are so incredibly precious... I would spend hours staring at her actually literally trying to soak her in, burn it all in to my brain so I'd never forget ... and I cry everytime she changes yet I'm sooooooo excited for the new things about her, seeing her grow, learn,develop
And the way I put it to anybody is ..'it's the hardest job I've ever done that I love'
I mean it, I love everything... even when it's hard because I'm just so grateful she is here ....
btw the poo explosions etc - I actually just find them very funny. You look at this little person and you're like ' how?!'
My little ones just weed all over my bed as I write this btw lol... off I go to change it and probably joke about it with her all day now ( not that she understands? She just has a cheeky look!)

That's not to say anybody who has had losses won't feel differently when they're tired /hungry/in pain from birth or various ailments... I've lost so much hair, my body feels broken but anytime I think these negative things I will look at her and I know I'd do it a million times over ....

I actually really miss the newborn days
The way they fit in to a nook on you, they're so light!!! Everyone wants to look at a newborn? They're so snuggly, sleepy, sound like a little farm animal when they're sleeping because they squirm and snuggle so much. I say I'd have another newborn any day.

Enjoy every minute, even the hard ones... the cliche is so very true... it goes so fast!

I think I would have enjoyed it if I hadn’t tried to breastfeed. I was insane those first three months, I was waking in the night when the baby did, changing her, making and cooling a bottle, feeding her and then getting her back to sleep, then setting up my breast pump, then pumping for 15 minutes, then taking apart and washing the pump, then putting it all in the steriliser, then going to bed and possibly not sleeping because it wasn’t long before she woke again. I tried so, so hard to breastfeed, sought support from everywhere, got her tongue tie cut etc, my milk didn’t come in for a week and after that she had bottle preference and just never latched and I felt like such a failure (even though I was pumping 8x a day trying to give her as much breast milk as I could). During the day other people held her and fed her whilst I was attached to a pump or washing it or sterilising it. I couldn’t go anywhere as I was always pumping.

I’d say a key to having a better newborn experience is lower your expectations, do what works for you, don’t set yourself too high standards I.e. try to Breastfeed if you want but don’t torture yourself if it’s not going well, formula fed babies do great too.

For me it was the development, watching them do new things was my favourite part. We had a baby with cmpa and severe reflux and were fobbed off for the first 7 weeks, so it was very hard but in between the hard bits he smiled and laughed and it was amazing. Same when he started trying to get his dummy in his mouth for the first time, it was so funny. My ds is 18 months now and he continues to be hilarious . Seeing his big personality shine through is worth being tired and all the tough times.

I loved the newborn stage with ds1 and ds3. Both were so content and ds3 started sleeping through the night at 6weeks, ds1 was about 6months and still working on ds2 who is nearly 4yrs lol. I think it is totally down to the baby

Have a 4 month old and a just turned 4 year old and the baby is so much easier

yes having kids will change you and your life - there is a process called matriescence which shows it takes time

and the adjustment, dealing with recovery, breastfeeding, cycle of feeding/burping/changing and lack of sleep in those early weeks can be difficult

but everything passes - before you know it they have changed and need to just slightly less so it’s worth savouring every single second

and I’m biased and it may even just be the oxytocin but having a baby (and young kids generally) is just magical. I smell my baby’s hair and cuddle her and forget every problem in the world - its actual bliss

i can’t believe she will be 5 months soon and I know things will be different in only a few weeks…

so get ready for the most exciting time of your life xx

You have to recognize the things you can control and the things you can't. No point worrying about it now, but it's good you're aware that early days are not all sunshine and roses.

The problem is that images of newborns look lovely, but the lived experience of having one is quite different. If you've longed for a baby, you're probably thinking of that moment captured in a photo, not a 24/7 of feeding and trying to get them to sleep and working out why they're crying.

There are plenty of lovely moments but it can also be very challenging. And it depends a lot on what your baby is like, which is outside of your control.

It's a bit like being put in charge of a precious orchid in a greenhouse without any instructions - thrilling and terrifying at once. It's a very steep learning curve.

I loved the newborn stage and found it the easiest. I think its more how you manage your expectations. Yes I spent most of it on the sofa feeding her and she spent nearly ever nap on me and has done since, but it meant I rested and looked after her rather than trying to get the house tidy, cooking dinner or walking the dog. My partner was fully supportive of this and it was only when she was around 7 months I started to get into a proper rhythm and cook and clean regularly.

My partner would have her off me first thing before he went to work and do nappy changes so I could have a shower and get ready, then bring me tea and food to the sofa whilst he was home.

We never had the poo explosions that you hear about, only had a few nappy leaks. She wasn't sick and only really wore one outfit a day so didn't have piles of washing. Because I rested in the day, I didn't feel overly tired with the night wakings until about 4 months.

I would love to do it again but know that it wouldn't be as easy with a toddler and I might have gotten very lucky first time round.

It’s the most incredible thing seeing your baby for the first time.

This. I'm 6 months in (2nd baby) and the newborn bit was as crap this time as I was last time. Motherhood is much better a few months in!

The benefit of it being second time mean I know the crap bits don't last, and it is going fast even when the days feel loooong

Nobody said those things to me and I was not prepared for how hard it was.

I didnt know about witching hours, reflux or the fourth trimester or that my baby wouldnt sleep in her cot.

At one point before baby I wondered if I could fit in some part time study on maternity!

Sorry people are sucking the joy out of pregnancy for you, it should be a special time X

Newborns are just lovely. Even when they’re screaming little bundles of shitting horror who’ve just shredded up your nipples. My first didn’t sleep, pooed at every feed and I had constant mastitis but when she did sleep, instead of sleeping I’d gaze at her in wonderment: I made this! The most perfect baby in history! I felt terrible for all those other mothers whose babies could never measure up!

My second, my little froggy nugget, is supposed to be sleeping in the sling right now. Instead he’s gazing up at me in wide-eyed wonder. His round cheeks. His millions of eyelashes. His rosebud mouth.

Everything is new and fascinating to a baby. Watching them discover the world is so enchanting. A baby can look at a hedge, or a tree trunk, for ages, giggling to themselves. When they discover they own hands, and stare at them for hours, while you read a book and eat a massive cake. The stage when everything is a nipple and your nose specially. Watching them slowly uncurl from their womb position and discovering they’re actually quite long. The whiff of Parmesan cheese from their fat rolls. The astonishing ability to poo in one’s own armpit. (Always approach a poonami with laughter, however resigned. It helps, especially when they do another poo and it shoots out and hits the newly painted wall.) The way they wake up and look at you like “OMG, you! My favourite human! Hi!” even if it’s been all of 5 minutes since they last saw you. The groany old-man-complaining noises as they go to sleep. Gummy smiles.

If your anything like me I was exhausted 24/7 for the last 2.5months of pregnancy, and I can 100% honestly say it stopped the minute he was born, pregnancy exhausted is something else 😴😅.
You'll soon fit into your new life as a mummy, the night wakings don't last forever.
Next time someone makes a comment just repeat everytime " thanks for the positivity" with a slightly sarcastic tone.
16 years of infertility and I had comments like "you won't be happy when you're cleaning shitty nappies, sleepless nights etc. " You know real sensitive comments 🙄. FYI the shitty nappies and poonamis really don't bother me, personally I don't think my babies poo smells that bad 😅

Not RTFF but there is no better smell in the world than a newborn baby.
Nothing and I mean nothing calmed my anxiety like that first week sniffing his head.

For us, newborn stage was a breeze, yes we were tired, yes a bit cranky but nothing like I was expecting tbh. Maybe we got lucky.
His toddler years however, geez I'm glad those are done. 😂

Thanks everyone so much, didn't expect that many responses. Grateful to all of you for making me feel more positive! X

They sleep loads. Having one is as easy as it ever gets from a parenting point of view.

The lovely smell of a baby's head. The snuggles. Everyone telling you how beautiful your baby is and how clever you are. The feeling like superwoman because you made a new human. Your partner looking at you as if you're a goddess (that one gets a bit tedious-but it wears off.) The perfect excuse to do nothing but cuddle a baby all day

I LOVED my two newborns. I had a very dedicated DH and a good plan to get enough sleep. They spent most of their time cuddling me, but the new baby smell went away far too quick. I miss it TBH.

ALSO, after hyperemesis, just eating normal food without nausea was a revelation!