To ask for your positives to having a newborn

[elm26]

Hello! Me again 😂

38 weeks and I'm SICK of hearing "you're tired? just you wait!", "your life will never be the same!", "your whole day and night will be a cycle of feed, wipe bum and settle", "get used to a cold cup of tea" etc etc etc

It's driving me insane and as somebody who has had depression and anxiety all of my life, it's really kicking my anxiety off to the point I'm wondering if I will enjoy any of it at all?

A little bit of background, I'm 29, married with a lovely/supportive/hard working/kind DH, we've had 13 miscarriages, we have an 8 year old spaniel, great family and friends. I count myself very lucky.

I feel like I've been waiting a lifetime to get this far into a pregnancy, I have been so ill throughout with Hyperemesis, covid, one thing after the other but I'm here, full term, we've made it.

Am I naive to think that yes it's going to be hard, yes we are going to be exhausted, yes there will be poo explosions, sick down a clean outfit, piles of laundry but it's also going to be a really special time with special moments and memories and so much love? Am I naive to believe that me and DH will cope/make a good team? (We aren't perfect and of course bicker/fall out on occasion and I imagine that being sleep deprived etc will probably elevate those frustrations that us humans have sometimes).

I honestly haven't heard anyone say one positive thing to me about being a Mum to a newborn. They all can't wait to meet her and have cuddles etc, they are so happy for us but they make it clear that it's a relief that it's not them doing it again!

I feel like I'm already thinking about baby being 6 because I'm nervous for what's to come and it's making me sad, hormones eh?!

I’m here awake with my two week old - you know what? He sleeps for 3 hour stretches! He’s my third and the other two did as well. I’m sleeping way better now than before he arrived. Pregnancy insomnia is the worst.

sending you lots of love. The other posters are right! The 6 week smile, the love you have for your partner when you see them holding baby and developing a relationship with them. All the bits beyond. I have a toddler who loves to ask for “cuddles” and to walk around wearing my shoes!! He’s so funny and cute!

Recovery after birth can be tough. And there will be more poo and sick in your life than you ever dreamed possible! But just ignore people! People are the worst!

Also, you will need to be able to ignore people! Because it continues after baby is born with insensitive questions like “when are you trying for another?” and “are you going to try for a girl now?” and “why aren’t you bottle feeding?” and “why aren’t you doing baby led weaning?” and so on, forever!!

good luck OP!! Excited for you x

From one HG mum to another - newborn phase was a breeze for me after all the suffering in pregnancy. I was just so happy to feel normal again, to enjoy food, to have my body back, no aching (after the initial healing)… I would say for us with really tough pregnancies the newborns really aren’t harder than that, mostly! The sleep deprivation was hard and DD wasn’t sleeping much during the day either, but after some weeks we established a bit of a routine and it got easier, also DH helped with one feed a night so I got a longer stretch of hours and that was a lifesaver. DD was pretty average, not the worst but she was a bit colicky so also not the easiest, but apart from being tired I thought it was ok.
Of course keep an eye out for PPD and have an action plan if you start seeing symptoms (therapy, medication…). Have some help lined up so you can get a little break if possible.
And don’t let others stress you out! I agree it’s good to know how tiring it is (but is anyone really expecting it to be relaxing?) but people really do the “just you wait…” a bit too much.
I would say just you wait til you have a little sassy threenager arguing with you and challenging you on everything - newborns are much easier now that I can compare 😀

I’ve had the exact opposite. Because I’m full of despair about how awful life will be, everyone keeps insisting I’ll be a great mum and I’ll love it.
It pissed me off.

what I’ve concluded is that people are dicks, even when they mean well. I take great, sadistic pleasure in telling them that I’m ruining my life and that my sleep will never be the same, and it’s all going to be awful, just to watch them try to tell me how great it will be. Fuck em.

opinions are like arseholes: everyone has them. And as a mother, you’ll never be right, so just do what works for you and ignore everyone who tells you it’s going to be awful or it’s going to be sparkles and rainbows. It will be what it will be. I suspect the reality is that it’s really lovely and really shit, all in one go. Like minute to minute going from it’s all awful to this is the best thing to happen to me. Somebody said that childfree is like being on a permanent 7 or 8, whilst having kids is full of 1s and 10s. That seems to be about the only accurate and fair description that I’ve ever heard.

if you swaddle, someone will tell you it does x or y to baby. If you breast feed, mix feed, bottle feed - they’ll all have their views. they just start early with trying to steal your joy by proving that you know fuck all and they know what’s what. It’s really just one great competition to prove that they have more battles scars and know how than the novices coming behind them. It’s why I like my childfree friends. They stay out of the bullshit.

before all the professional parents jump on me, yes I’m in therapy. It’s my therapist who has helped me take the fuck em attitude.

Newborns give a mixed bag of emotions.
Am I doing it right? Is baby warm enough? Hungry? Happy? Will my baby belly ever go? Will my bits recover? Why is baby crying again? Oh god, I've only just changed you! Argh, I've only just put this clean top on, thanks for the vomit! Will I ever stop smelling of vomit? Oh, look at that lovely smile, what do you mean it's wind? It's not, it's a smile! Oh god, I'm knackered, please go to sleep.
When baby falls asleep on your chest and breathes those little baby breaths while you watch the pulse on the soft spot that you can't resist kissing, it's fantastic, a feeling that you will never get from anything else in life.
But, do you know...it's all those things all rolled into one gorgeous bundle.
Good luck 😊

The snuggles are incredible. The smell too. I wish I could do back. I’d definitely do more baby wearing if I had my time again.

P.s. most stages seem hard at the time. I remember being really proud when I managed to get myself and my baby washed, dressed and fed by 10am 😂 Then I had to do it with a small toddler and a newborn and that was a major challenge!! Can’t believe I’d actually thought 1 tiny baby was hard 😆

I have an 8 week old now and already moss the brand new baby stage. She wokenuo for a bottle/nappy and just slept in between in her moses basket or next to me, absolute bliss. All the cuddles, family visits, little baby noises, huge feeling of love for this tiny baby, just knowing (objectively of course) that they're the most beautiful baby to ever exist.
It's an amazing feeling and you have literally every first to look forward to like smiles, baby following your voice, cooing, growing into the next size up in clothes etc.

Newborns are awesome. I loved it.
Especially in the middle of the night when it's just the two of you.
Enjoy.

I have a six month old and I’ve loved every part of being his mummy so far. The newborn stage was easy, he slept and ate well, I was surprised at how much I loved mothering him as I’d never been into babies, he made me want to nurture him, he was and is so heart meltingly cute. There is something very, very special about feeding your child in the middle of the night, it’s magical. Soak it up, the time will go by so quickly.

I wasn’t crazy about 4-6 months stage as he was a little more cranky than the previous months but overall it’s been amazing. And you know what, some babies sleep through the night from quite early on. Mine has since 7 weeks. I BF and he sleeps in his own cot which he has always gone down very easily in. So apart from when he was newborn and feeding every couple of hours, I haven’t been sleep deprived, I’ve had energy and every day I’ve had a shower and got dressed.

And now he’s six months, he is AMAZING! 🥰 Full of character, hilarious, has the dirtiest laugh and is such a cool little dude, I’m blown away by how much personality such a young baby has, not just mine but all the babies at his baby classes, they are just incredible… wishing you all the best with your new baby! Such an exciting, wonderful time for you.

@elm26 currently in the newborn stage with my nearly 3 week old and I love it.

All the snuggles, none of the tantrums or cheek that you get from a toddler/preschooler 😂 (he’s my second, we have a 4yo too).

With our first, we barely left the house for the first 6 weeks and it was bliss.
Days rolled into nights and back into days, which we loved.

We had no pressure to host visitors as we made it clear it was on our terms and we’ve done the same this time.

Just try to soak it in, it can be hard but watching them slowly develop into this tiny functioning human is by far the best thing ever 😭🥰

I don't think you should put pressure on yourself to enjoy it although there are enjoyable moments imo. I personally prefer when they become a bit more interactive but people enjoy different stages differently. It can't be all bad as it's impossible not to kiss a newborn's head when you're holding them!

@elm26 Not long to go now OP 😍 Honestly, this is just the beginning of people flinging their opinions in 😅 I felt very like you at this stage.

You sound very realistic about what to expect to be honest 😊 it’s a huge learning curve - you have a whole new person to get to know. You don’t know their likes/dislikes yet and they can’t verbalise them for you so it takes a while to figure these things out 😊

Can it be challenging, especially when you’re tired? Of course it can! Most things are! But I can assure you, smelling their little newborn smell while having your beautiful little baby cuddled up on your chest asleep for hours will make every hard moment worthwhile ❤️ in my opinion, there’s very few things that can beat that.

My advice to any mum-to-be… all the ‘other stuff’ can wait. Yes, there are dishes in the sink and the laundry hasn’t been done…but does it REALLY matter? You’ll never get this time back. You are not “making a rod for your own back by always holding that baby!” (you will be told this numerous times 😅) and you can’t spoil a baby with love. Get your feet up, fling a good box set on the tv and cuddle your new baby 😊
And I say that as the one who did stress over the dishes and the laundry.
Also…take videos, not just photos. They grow SO quickly. Their little newborn squeaks and snuffles don’t last very long at all and it’s so nice to be able to look back at 😊

Please come back and update us when baby makes an appearance 😊 Wishing you a very straight forward labour and delivery 😊🤞🏼

I loved the newborn part despite having a tricky baby. All that time to just cuddle them whilst they sleep and you can watch tv whilst doing so. Just take things very easy, don’t have unhelpful visitors and you’ll be fine.

I loved the newborn stage! Even with my first who was the fussy, bad sleeper. Cuddling a newborn is so peaceful and lovely! I have so many lovely memories of mine at that age. Absolutely enjoy it! Even when I was exhausted and a bit weepy (watch out for those baby blues!) and aching from recovering from birth, I wouldn't have changed it for the world! Congratulations!

I loved the newborn stage.

To be honest, it sounds like you're well prepared for it to be hard, so it probably won't come as a shock to you (babies poop and cry at night! Who knew?!)

I loved the first few weeks in 'the newborn bubble' where time just seems to stop still and you're just in a haze of newborn cuddles and getting to know each other.

Also, you'll hear a lot of negative things about babies but it's unlikely that all of them will be true for your baby. E.g. I had a baby with colic and silent reflux who wouldn't nap during the day and who hated going to sleep at night. On the other hand, once I was able to get my baby to fall asleep (even if not until 3am), I could get 4 hours of sleep in a row, which was fine. I could function on that. Breastfeeding was something I really enjoyed, although I did go to a breastfeeding cafe for support in the early days.

I found the doommongering overhyped and the good aspects not hyped enough.

Having a hands-on partner makes a huge difference. If you've got that, you're 80% of the way there.

As much as this CAN happen, I wanted to reassure you that it doesn't mean it will happen to you!
I have been up and dressed every single day (maybe later in the day than usual and maybe with a freshen up instead of a shower sometimes, but in the very earliest days baby actually slept all the time so it was easy to get up and ready). I have had vomit on me a handful of times in 8 weeks, not all babies are sickly. I did not leak from anywhere apart from one night when my milk came in, but I did bottle feed and think I got quite lucky with this one. No hemorrhoids but I had a c section (with an amazing recovery). Bleeding is just one of those things and easy to handle.
I did have anxiety about baby's health and breathing but you will have midwives and health visitors coming very frequently so you'll be able to raise any worries with them.

I second everyone falling even more in love with their partners as they become a daddy, my DH loves DD so much its incredible to see.

I can honestly say as lovely as my first born was and is, the first 3 months are some of the worst times of my life. It gives me an anxiety when I think back. I wish I knew just how hard it can be for some.

It is gorgeous. I am only a week in and already it's going too fast.
I worried about my mental health after the baby arrived too as I know how my hormones can massively affect me. But I've never been happier.

The cuddles, the slower pace and the intense love. It's a wonderful bubble.

Congratulations on finally getting here ☺️ Honestly in my experience it wasn’t bad at all! I’ve had pictures popping up from when my son was born (about to have another one so trying to remind myself) and at 10 days old he was only getting up once during the night. I wasn’t crying or going about in some dazed knackered state. Yes there were days I was a bit tired or fed up of changing nappies (I think I probably changed it a bit too often) but it was so completely fine.

I think the main thing that makes the difference as to how you find it is a) if you’ve have some sort of responsibility in life before and the fact you have a dog, same as me, means you have. They’re honestly not that different!
b) it also depends on how you WANT to live your life for the next however many months. There are people who know that holding their baby til they fall asleep is going to result in a baby that can’t be put down but do it anyway then will complain about it. You have to chose how you want them to be and try to get them to tie in with you, rather than the other way round. I knew I wasn’t someone who wanted to be up every 45 minutes, I also knew I wasn’t heartless and couldn’t have just left him crying either but I read Gina Ford and followed a lot of the wake windows from it. I didn’t do anything harsh and never left him to cry, he wasn’t in his own room til 7 months (it suggests from day 1). He was the dream baby and was sleeping through the night from 6 weeks. He’d have naps in the day but i followed the structure of the book so I’d take him out in the pram at the time he should be napping etc (as I knew he’d fall asleep) and it honestly worked so quickly. If he fell asleep while I was holding him I’d just lie him in his moses basket. He was able to be put down awake from so early on and would just take himself off to sleep (with the help of Ewan the dream sheep obviously). I think I’ve cried once since he was born due to him and it’s only been since he’s been a toddler and I’ve been pregnant and wanted a 2 second break 🙈

The baby bit is great! You feel a bit like your world’s been flipped upside down for the first 2 weeks but I was running on the pure disbelief that this baby was mine and we were all okay. Enjoy every second 😊 a puppy is worse!

Newborns are amazing! You go into this bubble. You love them so much, obsess over every tiny detail and take zillions of photos. I assume you're on mat leave so it's a time in your life like no other where you concentrate on you and the tiny new human you've made and everything else revolves round that. You get loads of snuggly baby cuddles and they sleep loads so plenty of time to put your feet up...even if they're on your chest at the time!
Also, in practical terms, all the people saying that you'll never drink a hot drink again and leaving the house is almost impossible?
I spent the first few months of ds' life wondering what the hell they were talking about. Yes you have another human completely dependent on you so things take a bit more organisation but babies are incredibly portable so you'll have a lovely summer getting out and about with the baby in a pram or sling.
Congratulations and enjoy your pregnancy!

My baby was a bit of a nightmare baby (screamed for first 9 months and couldn't be laid flat ever) but it was also wonderful. I'd just stare at her and snuggle at every opportunity. People wouldn't have second babies if it was that bad. I've been through lots of ivf, e and miscarriages to finally be pregnant with my second. I can't wait to have a tiny little baby again. You also get to watch hours of box sets in your pyjamas while smuggling a tiny gorgeous thing that makes cute snuffly noises and pulls funny faces. It really is wonderful.

As another mum who had a terrible HG pregnancy, the newborn stage was a total delight. I felt better rested, more energetic and happier than I had felt the last 9 months.

Caring for a newborn, even a bit of a refluxy/colicky one was a walk in the park compared to the misery of HG and associated issues. Aside from all the cuddles and gorgeous baby smell my favourite memories are of long days out walking for hours with a snuggly baby in a sling. I had a c section in the end and found the recovery very straightforward and not very painful. I was happily out walking (slowly!) a week after the birth and withing 2 to 3 weeks back to normal, if slightly careful, movement.

Breastfeeding, and depression which I'd been warned can be issues in some HG mums- well breastfeeding worked from the start and honestly, it felt like giving birth corrected whatever hormone issues caused the HG. Good luck! I loved it so much I'd consider the hell of another pregnancy just to be able to relive those golden newborn days😍

And I disagree with this type of post...

you might end up with a baby who HATES a sling /pram op. So don't look forward to it too much 🤐 to prevent any disappointments.

Some people on Mumsnet are needlessly nasty, plus, what a daft way to look at life.

You go ahead and look forward to all those lovely moments with your baby op.

Because there will be challenges along the way and you'll face them just fine. But worrying and refusing to let yourself look forward to things ahead of the birth "in case you get disappointed" is a ridiculous and miserable way to live your live.

So relax, daydream about all the great bits now and trust yourself to tackle the hard bits if and when they come 🥰

I've just had the most lovely of nights with my newborn. Three feeds with a good latch, so cuddly and squishy, settled back in the moses basket like a textbook baby and uninterrupted time just us, which is very rare with older children.

Unless baby is ill newborn life (with just one) can also involve a wonderful cycle of mum groups (if you like them), coffee shops, walks/new adventures and basically a year of fun with your new sidekick! Best time of my life.

It was one of the happiest times of my life (of course the most anxious and tired too). I just couldn’t stop looking at my beautiful baby and was just in my own world with it all.

Everyday I would wake up, check they were there and just feel an overwhelming surge of ‘ I can’t believe they are here, how lucky am I’.

Also, the utter joy I felt at not being pregnant anymore was immense, it was over!!

Congratulations op and enjoy.

Agree with this, I would also add that going out and about with a baby in the spring/ summer is so much easier than in darkest december- enjoy !