Any grandparents here who look after their grandchildren? If so...

[iopll]

Do your dc impose ‘rules’ for you to abide by for the grandchildren (what they can eat, wear, anything really…) and do you abide by them?

If there's rules on what DC can eat then they should jolly well provide the food!

<misses point of thread>

Gransnet…

I don't have them full time, but for a few hours each week. Absolutely I abide by my daughter's rules. They are her children

@Bogggle which paper would be interested in this…?

Can’t seem to start any thread these days without some sort of witch hunt.

I ask because my mum tell me she won’t abide my rules if she’s doing me a favour looking after dc. I’ve said it’s disrespectful to not follow what I’ve asked… it’s exhausting and has led me to now find alternative childcare.

I think you’ve dodged a bullet there!
I provide childcare one day a week. At my daughters house. Her child, her rules. I just feel very grateful that I’m involved with my grandchild, but mum is the boss not me. I’ve done my time! I just enjoy being with my grandchild. You are not u reasonable at all.

My dad has my kids a couple of afternoons a week. He follows all my big rules (like the kids have to be in their proper booster seats in the car - he probably wouldn't bother if I didn't insist), but other than safety issues, I leave him to it. One of my kids will just watch TV for the full 3 hours he's here (which I wouldn't let her do if I were home!) but that's a compromise that keeps everyone happy.

What rules? I think most people have stuff that is non negotiable, like car seats. The only rule was only one sugary treat a day.. so if it was hot chocolate and cake in the morning, then no ice cream in the afternoon. Fortunately they agreed with this

My parents don't look after my DC now they are older, but they used to. No "rules" exactly, but I wouldn't have been delighted if they'd fed them loads of chocolate etc.

I didn't really give rules, but then ds1 didnt do normal napping so that one was out.

Rules about what to wear - not sure why this would be a rule.

Food - no rules as such. I'd suggest what would be good for them to eat, or provide it myself. Both GPs fed the dc what they were having which is what I did.

I think it depends on the rules, safety stuff like car seats obviously are ok but a friend of mine was presented with a list including nap times, no tv, no snack food or anything sugary, a 30 minute walk daily etc etc which was ridiculous. Her daughter had clearly forgotten her mum had raised 4 children to adulthood without incident and was doing her a huge favour offering childcare.

I too would like to know what “rules” you have?

I look after Grandaughter one day a week and DD has never specifically said “these are my rules, you must follow them”. I just do what I think is safe and sensible.

My mum has had both my DS from being 1 when I went back to work. Clothes and food were entirely down to her. She’s looking after my children for free, if it’s fish fingers for lunch every day then so be it. Not that she did but you get my point. And limit chocolate to after meals, not as random snacks. The only rule I specified and which she was more than happy to oblige was naps. Never ever let them sleep after 3pm, danger time. She’s sometimes ring to ask for 10 mins if they hadn’t slept all day but that’s all.

I’ve said it’s disrespectful to not follow what I’ve asked

What have you asked?

I think it’s in everyone’s best interests that some sort of routine is followed and agreed on.

I think it really depends on 'the rules'

I look after my daughter's two children, three days a week. She trusts me to do the right thing with the DC. I wouldn't look after them if she gave me heaps of rules !

It sounds like you and your mother have a pretty negative relationship this issue aside

so was not a good idea to use her for childcare in the first place

My mum has dc2 (currently 4) for 3 hours one day a week. She has to hold Granny's hand when they walk home from preschool and that's it rule wise. Mum doesn't drive so car seats are irrelevant. However snacks at my mums are more like smoked salmon, strawberries, grapes and olives (always cut up...she cuts mine up and I'm 45), toast etc than sugary sweets.

Good idea to be independent if there is already strife.

While at grandparents my children eat what my parents choose to give them, after all they're doing me a big favour and I'm not going cause an issue about what they give the kids.

Does your mum want to look after me?

My mum had my dc a lot when I was working. Other than the obvious having to use appropriate car seats, and not feeding them solids until i weaned them, there were no rules that i imposed.

I expected bedtime to be a similar time to at my house, and might have objected if she'd fed them mountains of junk. But actually our parenting style is very similar.

My parents broadly follow what we ask - mainly we don’t do screen time at home and don’t do packaged food/sweets much at all. DC usually get given some kind of pudding but not as much as gp think is reasonable and so maybe 30 mins screen time. I think we’re not very far apart in parenting styles though so there’s not a ton of disagreement. They stink at buckling her into her car seat properly though and I have had to tell them they can’t drive her places unless they do it properly previously.

I used to do regular childcare, and still do one offs. Dd never issued any rules - presumably she thought I was competent enough. She’s far from a fussy type though - thank goodness.

What rules?