Any grandparents here who look after their grandchildren? If so...

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Do your dc impose ‘rules’ for you to abide by for the grandchildren (what they can eat, wear, anything really…) and do you abide by them?

What are your wishes that she won't follow?

To be fair, nothing onerous was expected in my case anyway

Depends on your rules tbh.

I would agree with your mum that she's doing you a favour and if you had a myriad ludicrous rules then I wouldn't be listening to them either.

Im intrigued to find out the rules now.

We have the same set up except we don't get any regular childcare from them now as sadly my poor DM who used to do it, is now disabled.

However, my DF (and to a lesser extent sometimes with DM too) does have the kids for an hour here or there sometimes for appointments and stuff or might take eldest for an afternoon sometimes if the little one is unwell. And same rules. So for example car seats, sun cream, sunhats (or sunglasses for eldest), vegetarian diet are all absolutely non-negotiable. Other than that I have always let them get on with it really. DF is terrible for feeding them tons of rubbish and DM terrible for allowing eldest to spend hours and hours watching Netflix. But they're safe and happy, it's only occasional and they're doing us a huge favour. Also kids have different relationships with their grandparents anyway and that's how it should be imo. They can easily learn there are different rules with different people/different places, even babies can get used to that kind of thing easily.

I would absolutely follow any rules my daughter asked me to, it's her child and i wouldn't dream of going against her wishes.

The only thing I can remember being specific about was grapes must be cut up for snacks. I trust my parents to be sensible and careful though.

The only rule we had (for ad hoc care about thirty years ago) was the car seat one. And that was because my FIL just couldn't get his head around "imprisoning" children in a car seat! Fortunately my MIL had more sense.

I now do bits of childcare for my GCs and my DD has never given me any rules. But I'm probably more safety conscious than she is (I find it a huge responsibility to keep someone else's child safe!) and she's just generally a chilled mum who trusts me.

What are your rules? I'd say there are some which should be followed for consistency benefits but others that should be flexible.

Yes, whether or not you are being reasonable / unreasonable depends what your rules are, though either way you are perfectly entitled to find professional childcare instead for whatever reason you wish.

I follow the 'rules' that my dgc come with, but they are reasonable things, like what sort of drinks they can have, when and how long to let them nap.
My lovely dils have always said that there is plenty of flexibility allowed anyway, but I would never take the p*.

But I've heard of other gps ordered not to even leave the house with the dgc. No taking them to the park, the shop or anything. That sort of rule is completely unreasonable would have been a complete deal breaker for me. They would have had to find paid childcare instead. It would have been me insisting on it, not them!

My parents looked after my daughter 1 day a week, but I felt comfortable that they'd follow my rules - the main one being that I am raising my daughter as a vegetarian - because they raised me as a vegetarian!

They also used the car seat I requested, and knew all the up to date rules about no honey under 1, no whole nuts under 5, cutting up grapes and so on.

They have different rules to me on minor things, and my daughter understands that Nanny & Grandad allow some things that Mummy doesn't and vice versa, but I wouldn't leave her with anyone who didn't respect my rules on meat and car seat safety!

I used to look after my grand daughters two or three days a week from very very young, and now they are at school and nursery I have them for occasional weekends. What sort of rules? My daughter and I have similar ethics and views on child rearing. We agree on safety and avoiding food for allergy reasons. I said to the parents that these are their children and they make decisions. I can't think of any 'rules' that have been imposed. We run on trust and respect. They possibly have some more dangerous activities at my home with cooking over an open fire in the garden but I have shown the parents how I manage this and they were surprised I felt I needed to tell them as they trusted me to keep the babies safe.

I don't gift my family members rules as such. I just trust that they wouldn't give him too much sugar, or too much salt. I provide his food but I know they offer their own to him aswell.

Was childcare for DGD (now 5) when she was a baby 2 days a week until about age 2.5. Now help out with DGS 2.5 two days a week. At the beginning I asked DD to tell me if there was anything in particular she wanted but otherwise I would use my common sense. Seeing as I had brought up her and her DB without mishap she mostly trusted my judgement and I think I am probably if anything more safety conscious that they are - she calls me a 'worry wart'! If I'm not sure about anything I just ask them or if there is anything I need to know they will tell me. I remember one time when on following DD instructions not to let DGD nap more than a certain length of time that on being woken the baby just screamed and wouldn't be comforted for at least an hour until DSIL got home and he managed to settle her, so I said I didn't think I could to that again which DD accepted. I think there just has to be respect in both directions and in most cases there probably is - we only hear about the problem cases on here understandably.

Never sweated the small stuff. I put a rough nap time note on my mums kitchen notice board as she would have forgotten and I would drip feed in not to feed to much sweets salt etc which would likely be mostly ignored, but otherwise when they were there they worked it out themselves. It wasn't an issue as wasn't full time hours and spoiling dgc is what grandparents do!

I have done lots of GC care and try to stick to parental rules as far as possible... my DDs and I share similar values so there is not a big problem. But it sometimes works the opposite way to expected in that they are allowed to do things that I would not allow them to do if the decision were mine .... mostly around the sort of TV programmes or computer games they are allowed to watch.
I do not think GPs can expect to have a close relationship with their GC if they insist on ignoring parental rules, especially those around safety.
Having said that there are special things that happen at grandma's ... but they do not break any rules!!

I think it can depend on whether the GPS are sensible or not. My MIL would never put DC in the car without a car seat, would feed them normal food and always keep them safe. My Dad would probably neglect to use a car seat, feed them biscuits and fizzy drinks, never apply any sunscreen and probably smoke in the same room as them. I wouldn’t leave them with my Dad but if I did decide to then I’d absolutely be setting rules against all of the above.

Rules, what rules? My daughter's just grateful that the little blighters are still alive when she gets home from work...
Seriously, we have similar parenting styles which obviously helps enormously.

I didn't give my parents any rules. I trust them to look after my child. It really does depend what your rules are tbh.

I'd never dream of wading in with a list as long as my arm of uptight, woke demands I've read in some article. Basic common sense and safety is all I ask, plus no screens, but that is not an issue at all.

I regularly have my grandsons for sleepovers and have never been given any "rules" to abide by. If I have any queries I just ask.

My parents never needed any "rules" they always gave me a run down of they'd done that day, what dc had for lunch etc and i never had a problem with any of it.

Mil on the other hand we already knew would fill them full of sugar and crisps, not let them nap and give them everything they want. We have never used mil for childcare...

If I'm doing somebody a favour I don't expect to have to abide by rules. 'She doesn't like brown bread' or 'he likes dairylea' would be fine. A list of rules to be abided by, the tone of the arrangement changes and they could get somebody else.

Big question... what are the rules? Are you paying your mum or expecting free childcare?

Totally depends on the rules.

Eg no dairy because child is allergic. Totally sensible and essential.

Not to wear anything pink, illogical and unnecessary

My mum and MIL provide me childcare one day each. If I had rules they would follow them if asked (within reason - I'm not going to give them an itinerary they gave to follow minute by minute 🤣) but I trust them so I've never felt the need to impose rules.
The only rule I had with my first was to check the labels on all food they were giving her and make sure nothing contained dairy (she had CMPA)

Ive looked after GC very actively from a few days old. My DD and DiL were obviously up to date with the latest guidance, and we'd discussed the important things at my instigation, to make sure I was aware of anything that might have changed, sleeping positions, car seat guidance etc, and I did my own research too.
Other than that, I just do as I see fit. Luckily we're on the same page with regards to discipline, diet and day to day activities, and none of us are rigid or convinced of out own 'rightness' as long as DC are safe and happy. But the understanding is very much that whoever is in charge is in charge, and there's no undermining or micromanagement.