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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be this upset a bully who reports me to police gatecrashed coronation street party

275 replies

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 15:29

Having singlehandedly organised a street party last year for the jubilee - inc risk assessment, paying for insurance, street notices, spending £500 by the end - that was a great success I stupidly did it all again this year for the coronation. I bought most of the bunting, put it up, arranged tables/chairs/canopy, decorated the canopy, went round the whole street 4x to get everyone involved, blew up an awesome balloon display, licked paper chains to decorate, contacted neighbours to remove cars, organised music, plates etc. Same as last year only a handful of lovely neighbours helped; it was pretty much all me.

But it was 'gatecrashed' by a neighbour I didn't invite who's just moved in to my building and has caused me incredible stress and anxiety - I've recently recorded high BP for the first time in my life. He's a leaseholder, I'm a freeholder and he does whatever he wants without permission. I stopped him undertaking work in a communal area about which I knew nothing. He called the police. I asked him to remove a Ring doorbell at the communal front door he was using to spy on me (not paranoid; another neighbour confirms) and when he missed two deadlines I removed it myself, told him I had no intention of keeping it but needed written assurance he wouldn't re-install it before returning it. He called the police claiming theft. Both times the police told him I was right and he needed to apologise. But the time wasted sorting all that out and writing to him to list his many misdemeanours meant I missed the deadline for official street closure which almost scuppered the whole event.

He bangs on my door, he turns up at my back door, he calls me and harangues me on the phone to the point I've had to tell him I want no direct contact with him as I consider his activity to be harassment (there's tons of other incidents). So when he walked into the party I asked him to leave. He refused and said it was his street and he therefore had every right to be there. I pointed out I'd organised the whole thing. But he was supported by two sets of neighbours who literally did nothing to help or contribute yet argued with me and then went down the pub with him when it came to clearing up (they're not friends yet; he only moved in two months ago and one of them knew of the problems).

I'm so upset that it's ruined what should have been a great day and was an even better success than last year's only because of huge cost to my time and purse. The guy's an entitled bully and I recognise him striding in to the party was part of that behaviour but it still made me cry out of anger and frustration that he was benefitting from my hard work and these two couples who just turned up and had a great time felt they could tell me what to do. AIBU?

OP posts:
lovemycottage · 11/05/2023 22:00

YellowDots · 11/05/2023 20:43

You definitely should not organise any more events. Nobody else cares and it seems to be a burden to you. You seem to want people to be grateful for this street party that none of them wanted.

Well said.

lowlythirdremove · 11/05/2023 22:02

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 21:52

Look, @lowlythirdremove, I've already made clear you can decide just to fight everything I post or argue with what I post when you can't prove I'm lying - what I'm posting is all you've got whether you like me or not. There is nothing I can do to persuade you that he undertook work for which he didn't have permission; it doesn't matter what that work was. I can tell you the police agreed with me and told him to apologise. What can I do if you don't believe that? Do you want a signed witness statement from the rozzer? Here's another idea: try going with what I'm telling you as if it's the truth and arguing from there. You're never going to be in a more educated position than me as an experienced freeholder and the police. Where would that leave you? I should have ignored his contravention of freehold/leasehold law?

Woah - I just asked about the original work and queried why you hadn’t answered it.

I haven’t said I don’t believe you, or that I don’t like you and I certainly haven’t decided to ‘fight everything you post’

Escalation, much?

Reasonableadjustments · 11/05/2023 22:05

when he first took possession he had to get permission for extensive refurb works that involved moving his front door. I pointed out difficulties with the position and suggested moving it nearer mine which his architects hadn't considered. But I almost immediately reneged on the grounds I'd overlooked how much it would increase noise from the hall straight into my living room.

So you said he couldn't do the mods he wanted, suggested something else, he agreed to that and you changed your mind and you don't understand why that pissed him off ?

Roundandnour · 11/05/2023 22:05

lowlythirdremove · 11/05/2023 21:57

So he sought permission for his refurbishment. As a freeholder, you were one of the people who would grant permission. You suggested a modification to his plan, he changed the plan accordingly and then you refused it? And the reason you refused it was because of the modification you suggested?

Ikr?
it making more sense why the neighbour asked a third party to get involved with the ring bell. I wouldn’t want to deal with this alone either as I couldn’t trust them tbh. No saying what would happen

SunnySaturdayMorning · 11/05/2023 22:07

If you’re anything like you are on this thread in real life I feel very sorry for your poor neighbours, and yes that does include this man you seem hellbent on pissing off.

And why do you keep saying “rozzer”? Does it make you feel cool? Confused

AuntieMarys · 11/05/2023 22:09

rozzers
🤣

hereiamagainn · 11/05/2023 22:13

Am I the only one to read the title and think that OP had invited her mates round for a Coronation Street (Corrie) binge-watch session? 😂

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 22:14

@ChairFloorWall Two neighbours. As compared to the ones who commiserated and said they're going to bring round gifts to say thanks for everything I did I didn't bother mentioning as this isn't War and Peace. Two neighbours who did absolutely nothing to contribute themselves or even say thanks so I didn't think were in the greatest position to pontificate on what was fair.

@Roundandnour Try reading. A relocation I'D SUGGESTED and IMMEDIATELY RETRACTED. So, you know, before anything changed. And he didn't move the doorway at all even to his architect's suggested position (wasting all those fees) which was unworkable. I know you're trying really hard here but do you really think it's fighting for the guy who wanted me to sacrifice my peace in my main living area for his big kitchen and after calling the police on me twice thinks it's entirely reasonable to turn up at an event that almost didn't happen as a result?

OP posts:
ChairFloorWall · 11/05/2023 22:20

@HairySatsuma look, you clearly think your gods gift. But in reality you come across as overbearing, smug and a control freak who spits their dummy out when they don’t get their way.

I’m sure absolutely everyone else is falling over themselves to make sure you get lavished with gifts and thank you cards for all your hard work 🙄 Give it a rest. If they cared then they wouldn’t have left it all to you would they?

DanceMonster · 11/05/2023 22:22

How would he have known that the event nearly didn’t happen because of him though? How could he have guessed that a) you were planning the entire event single handedly, b) you were paying for it out of your own pocket and c) you nearly didn’t get all the admin done in time because you spent so long writing down his misdemeanours? Surely as far as he was concerned he saw a street party happening on the street he lives on so, rather than sit inside ignoring it (which would be a bit weird), he went out and joined it?

RustedfromtheRain · 11/05/2023 22:26

What building work did he want to do in the communal garden?

lowlythirdremove · 11/05/2023 22:27

Like when I stopped him doing building work that is a freehold issue and involves a communal garden he called police and claimed a neighbour was obstructing his entry to HIS garden.*

What was he trying to do in the garden? Is it a conversion with him in basement/ground floor?

Seymour5 · 11/05/2023 22:28

The OP lives peacefully in a property where there are rules for residents. A new resident moves in and disregards the rules, displays entitled behaviour by installing a ring doorbell, dumping stuff in communal areas etc. She may appear to have over reacted, but I get it.

A communal area that has been shared peaceably, starts to feel unwelcoming, because one person has altered the dynamic. Years of working in social housing taught me a lot about neighbours who are unaware, disinterested, uncaring and selfish about how their behaviour impacts on others. Unfortunately this is often the downside of living in flats,

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 22:36

@Roundandnour Again, maybe try reading. The third party is the police. You know, the people dealing with a knife crime epidemic. As I've already posted I'd provided him with evidence of case law and data protection. As I've already posted the police agreed and told him he couldn't reattach the device without permission as I'd told him when I wasted time writing to him to inform him of all this basic law. You - and whomever else - can then say you don't believe me and I can carry on repeating there's nothing I can do in that case even with other people in this thread appearing to confirm that's the case and a basic Google doing the same. So I'll leave it there.

OP posts:
AnyaMarx · 11/05/2023 22:38

Op This say this with kindness but neighbour disputes have the ability to escalate ridiculously to the point neither of you hold the moral high ground.

Let it go .

You ignore him if need be but stop obsessing over his list of "misdemeanours " - who are you ? It sounds like you are the only person who has a problem with him . Leave him alone and ask him to leave you alone .

You threw a STREET party - presumably in the STREET??? A public place ? Yku do not get to
Dictate who can walk on your street just because you blew some balloons up and hung a banner .

You both need to grow up .

DanceMonster · 11/05/2023 22:39

Seymour5 · 11/05/2023 22:28

The OP lives peacefully in a property where there are rules for residents. A new resident moves in and disregards the rules, displays entitled behaviour by installing a ring doorbell, dumping stuff in communal areas etc. She may appear to have over reacted, but I get it.

A communal area that has been shared peaceably, starts to feel unwelcoming, because one person has altered the dynamic. Years of working in social housing taught me a lot about neighbours who are unaware, disinterested, uncaring and selfish about how their behaviour impacts on others. Unfortunately this is often the downside of living in flats,

I get that. He sounds like an absolute arse. But that still doesn’t mean the OP can exclude him from a street party, on his street.

Climbles · 11/05/2023 22:39

I think you’re being treated harshly on here. I think the use of terms like ‘misdemeanours‘ makes you sound petty but the actual details seem like he’s the issue. I agree you should have just ignored him at the party but I understand why you dislike him.

AnyaMarx · 11/05/2023 22:44

I used to be a neighbourhood cop. Lasted 18 months because of this exact shit .

I became quite ragey and just wanted to knock peoples head's together. People become petty , pathetic and stubborn. Like little kids .

Response was/is much easier, give me a dozen pissed up people fighting over this kind of shite any day of the week .

Roundandnour · 11/05/2023 22:46

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 22:14

@ChairFloorWall Two neighbours. As compared to the ones who commiserated and said they're going to bring round gifts to say thanks for everything I did I didn't bother mentioning as this isn't War and Peace. Two neighbours who did absolutely nothing to contribute themselves or even say thanks so I didn't think were in the greatest position to pontificate on what was fair.

@Roundandnour Try reading. A relocation I'D SUGGESTED and IMMEDIATELY RETRACTED. So, you know, before anything changed. And he didn't move the doorway at all even to his architect's suggested position (wasting all those fees) which was unworkable. I know you're trying really hard here but do you really think it's fighting for the guy who wanted me to sacrifice my peace in my main living area for his big kitchen and after calling the police on me twice thinks it's entirely reasonable to turn up at an event that almost didn't happen as a result?

Yea I would and have as I already mentioned on this thread. You cannot exclude from a street party. Yea yea, I know you realise those even though constantly mention how you organised everything

and I have been reading from the beginning.

Roundandnour · 11/05/2023 22:49

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 22:36

@Roundandnour Again, maybe try reading. The third party is the police. You know, the people dealing with a knife crime epidemic. As I've already posted I'd provided him with evidence of case law and data protection. As I've already posted the police agreed and told him he couldn't reattach the device without permission as I'd told him when I wasted time writing to him to inform him of all this basic law. You - and whomever else - can then say you don't believe me and I can carry on repeating there's nothing I can do in that case even with other people in this thread appearing to confirm that's the case and a basic Google doing the same. So I'll leave it there.

I didn’t say I didn’t believe you but that I would get someone else involved because I wouldn’t trust you. Maybe you should start reading. Not like I posted numerous paragraphs

Gremlins101 · 11/05/2023 22:57

memyselfi · 11/05/2023 16:13

Don't throw hundreds of pounds at a party and then be a martyr about it .

I second this.

TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 11/05/2023 22:58

AnyaMarx · 11/05/2023 22:44

I used to be a neighbourhood cop. Lasted 18 months because of this exact shit .

I became quite ragey and just wanted to knock peoples head's together. People become petty , pathetic and stubborn. Like little kids .

Response was/is much easier, give me a dozen pissed up people fighting over this kind of shite any day of the week .

😂My husbands in neighbourhoods and he would be eyerolling so fucking hard right now if he were those police officers. I almost guarantee they had to "legally" agree with OP but at the same time thought they were tiresome and curtain twitchy and agreed with the neighbour

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 23:00

Oh hey, @TheyAreMyBhunasPete I never called the police. Thanks for your consideration.

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 11/05/2023 23:01

Whether you like him or not is irrelevant. Unless you have some sort of restraining order he is perfectly entitled to stand in his own street and speak to his neighbours. If you ask him not to speak to you and he does (continuously) that might possibly be seen as harassment.
As for your hypothetical BBQ, yes he would be perfectly entitled to join in. He couldn't use your equipment or steal your sausages but he could associate with anyone in the communal space. Does that shock you?
Now if everyone disliked him and either blanked him or told him not to speak to them he'd probably leave...but he wouldn't have to. In fact he might choose to sit in the communal space when it's just you and say 2 friends over.....2metres away!

TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 11/05/2023 23:03

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 23:00

Oh hey, @TheyAreMyBhunasPete I never called the police. Thanks for your consideration.

No, you have clearly created some tension resulting in the police being called, then thrown the law at them saying "but he's in the wrong!!!!". Legally, maybe, doesn't mean you aren't being unreasonable though. Just stop being a busybody