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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be this upset a bully who reports me to police gatecrashed coronation street party

275 replies

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 15:29

Having singlehandedly organised a street party last year for the jubilee - inc risk assessment, paying for insurance, street notices, spending £500 by the end - that was a great success I stupidly did it all again this year for the coronation. I bought most of the bunting, put it up, arranged tables/chairs/canopy, decorated the canopy, went round the whole street 4x to get everyone involved, blew up an awesome balloon display, licked paper chains to decorate, contacted neighbours to remove cars, organised music, plates etc. Same as last year only a handful of lovely neighbours helped; it was pretty much all me.

But it was 'gatecrashed' by a neighbour I didn't invite who's just moved in to my building and has caused me incredible stress and anxiety - I've recently recorded high BP for the first time in my life. He's a leaseholder, I'm a freeholder and he does whatever he wants without permission. I stopped him undertaking work in a communal area about which I knew nothing. He called the police. I asked him to remove a Ring doorbell at the communal front door he was using to spy on me (not paranoid; another neighbour confirms) and when he missed two deadlines I removed it myself, told him I had no intention of keeping it but needed written assurance he wouldn't re-install it before returning it. He called the police claiming theft. Both times the police told him I was right and he needed to apologise. But the time wasted sorting all that out and writing to him to list his many misdemeanours meant I missed the deadline for official street closure which almost scuppered the whole event.

He bangs on my door, he turns up at my back door, he calls me and harangues me on the phone to the point I've had to tell him I want no direct contact with him as I consider his activity to be harassment (there's tons of other incidents). So when he walked into the party I asked him to leave. He refused and said it was his street and he therefore had every right to be there. I pointed out I'd organised the whole thing. But he was supported by two sets of neighbours who literally did nothing to help or contribute yet argued with me and then went down the pub with him when it came to clearing up (they're not friends yet; he only moved in two months ago and one of them knew of the problems).

I'm so upset that it's ruined what should have been a great day and was an even better success than last year's only because of huge cost to my time and purse. The guy's an entitled bully and I recognise him striding in to the party was part of that behaviour but it still made me cry out of anger and frustration that he was benefitting from my hard work and these two couples who just turned up and had a great time felt they could tell me what to do. AIBU?

OP posts:
AnyaMarx · 12/05/2023 21:58

Dibbydoos · 12/05/2023 21:15

OP, this person needs reporting to the police for harassment - you need to court order to prevent contact with a power of arrest.

Who knows what he'll do. He sounds not just difficult but dangerous.

Sending you a hug, you sound lovely.

How is he harassing her ? The legal definition I mean - she took his ring door bell and kept it !

This is a case of 6 of one and half a dozen of the other

They are both as bad !
They need to focus their energies on their own lives and ignore each other like grown adults!

I wouldn't be recording a harassment with the bloke as suspect and nor would I be recording a theft with op as suspect. I'd be telling them to mediate or leave each other alone . The police truly have much more pressing things to deal with .

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 12/05/2023 21:58

What's the code for OP came back and shouldn't have?

OP you've not helped your case.

ShinyBeans · 12/05/2023 22:04

he only moved in 2 months ago

he's been on holiday for weeks

he's been making my life a misery since last year

I'm confused by the timeline. Hopefully he keeps taking lots of long holidays and you can stay out of eachother's way. Life's too short for all this stress.

Whatafliberty · 12/05/2023 22:31

I'll be honest OP, you come across as a controlling martyr.
Do you run the PTA as well?

This. I wouldn't have this opinion if you hadn't stated that he is a mere leaseholder. I think you have got his back right up and we only know half the story. We once rented a lovely house next door to a house owning control freak. He wanted to police everything including what we did in our own garden. Among other things, he caused us to have to take down our cat run and guess what? Our beautiful siamese baby was killed within 6 weeks. This shows how this snobbish attitude can be destructive and unpleasant. When we left I considered gluing up his front door. Just consider minding your own business.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 12/05/2023 22:41

DisquietintheRanks · 12/05/2023 05:58

Sorry but this is bollocks. There are usually very clear rules about what can happen in communal areas of flats and its not OK for residents of the block to just ignore them.

That doesn’t give the freeholders the right to control the actions of leaseholders.

Springissprunging · 12/05/2023 22:44

Dibbydoos · 12/05/2023 21:15

OP, this person needs reporting to the police for harassment - you need to court order to prevent contact with a power of arrest.

Who knows what he'll do. He sounds not just difficult but dangerous.

Sending you a hug, you sound lovely.

I mean she's the one writing him long letters of all his misdeeds, blocking the hallway with tables, standing shouting at passers by right outside his window about the party she doesn't want him to attend and them complaining he shut his window, banning him from a street party on the street he lives on and thinking she has the right to ban him from the communal garden if she's got friends there. But you know, he's just a leaseholder and shes a freeholder so that's all okay.

Honestly they both sound as bad as each other but the OP is the one giving herself high blood pressure by doing these things so for her own sake she would be better to stop engaging with him.

LakieLady · 12/05/2023 22:50

He didn't just shut his window, he did it performatively @Springissprunging, which is obviously a whole different kettle of fish.

Reading this makes me blood glad I live in a street where neighbours are pleasant and friendly but keep themselve to themselves, and don't much bother about what other neighbours get up to.

This would make a great basis for a sitcom though. I'm thinking Dawn French for the OP and Lee Mack for the neighbour. I might call it "Freeholding".

Springissprunging · 12/05/2023 22:54

LakieLady · 12/05/2023 22:50

He didn't just shut his window, he did it performatively @Springissprunging, which is obviously a whole different kettle of fish.

Reading this makes me blood glad I live in a street where neighbours are pleasant and friendly but keep themselve to themselves, and don't much bother about what other neighbours get up to.

This would make a great basis for a sitcom though. I'm thinking Dawn French for the OP and Lee Mack for the neighbour. I might call it "Freeholding".

Well this is very true, that performatively makes so much difference

I'm not sure I could watch a programme where the woman keeps saying rozzers at the top of her voice so often, it would grate!

But you are right it does have a sitcom feel to it doesn't it 😁

Lindjam · 12/05/2023 22:56

Dibbydoos · 12/05/2023 21:15

OP, this person needs reporting to the police for harassment - you need to court order to prevent contact with a power of arrest.

Who knows what he'll do. He sounds not just difficult but dangerous.

Sending you a hug, you sound lovely.

Do you mean reporting to THE ROZZERS? 😂

AnyaMarx · 12/05/2023 22:57

lakielady please write it ! Can I be the care worn pissed off careworn neighbourhood Bobby - sorry. ROZZER- trying to maintain a modicum of composure? Whenever I speak to them you can cut away to see what's going on in y head .....in that dream sequence I'd have them both in a headlock dragging them off to
Bear pit to
Fight it out . Loser moves .

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 12/05/2023 22:59

Lindjam · 12/05/2023 22:56

Do you mean reporting to THE ROZZERS? 😂

THE ROZZERS would be a good alternate title

Episode 1: changing plans
"The Bully" arrives, OP already despairs because they are a Freeholder and The Bully is a leaseholder. The Bully spends money to get an architect to draw up plans, OP objects but suggests an alternative which The Bully goes for. Only for OP to deny that permission too.

AnyaMarx · 12/05/2023 23:00

I do t think dawn french would work tho - too funny and sane

We need a hyacinth bucket type character actress .

AnyaMarx · 12/05/2023 23:06

Ep 2

Bullies and bunting.
The op rallies the neighbours. They bugger off to the pub with arch nemesis.

LakieLady · 12/05/2023 23:15

AnyaMarx · 12/05/2023 22:57

lakielady please write it ! Can I be the care worn pissed off careworn neighbourhood Bobby - sorry. ROZZER- trying to maintain a modicum of composure? Whenever I speak to them you can cut away to see what's going on in y head .....in that dream sequence I'd have them both in a headlock dragging them off to
Bear pit to
Fight it out . Loser moves .

Of course you can be the neighbourhood ROZZER! I was thinking of having a pair of ROZZERS, so that they can be all polite and gentle but firm, and then get back into their patrol car and swear about what a waste of fucking time all this trivial stuff is and how they're desperate for some real crime to deal with.

And I thought a running theme about people putting the recycling into the wrong bins might have some potential, too.

LakieLady · 12/05/2023 23:19

Ep 3:

Ring doorbell man has the audacity to have a barbecue in the communal garden.

Neighbours join in in a random and relaxed fashion, while The Freeholder seethes and finds reasons to go in and out a lot, performatively tutting and scowling.

AnyaMarx · 12/05/2023 23:20

Yeah two of us

We can performatively swear a lot when we get into the panda

The recycling thing is good but elaborate - the annoying leaseholder forgets bin day , then leaves the bin out for 10 minutes on the communal drive causing mayhem .

And maybe he can have a dog that's barks . Or a cat that shits in the communal garden .

While the op laments the above to her budgie .

AnyaMarx · 12/05/2023 23:25

I should be payed by the woman who played holly the computer in red dwarf .

AnyaMarx · 12/05/2023 23:25
  • played
Isinglass20 · 12/05/2023 23:33

Goodoccasionallypoor
The outside door usually included in leases for landlords costs of maintenance and an allowable cost to service charge.
There is usually an entry system serving all the flats providing security, a requirement in building insurance. Fiddling with this outer door could mean insurance invalidated.

AnyaMarx · 12/05/2023 23:38

I don't think anyone would dispute the point that the fiddling with communal door isn't right

But there are ways and means of going about rectifying it .

Taking the law into one's own hands and confiscating someone else's expensive property isnt the way to resolve the issue .

Bababette · 12/05/2023 23:44

Sorry but you sound like a control freak! I wonder what work he did that you objected to? A ring doorbell is actually a good thing to have for security and shows everyone going in and out, so what makes you think it was put up just to spy on you?
Also, what’s the significance of freehold and leasehold? Do you think you’re above him?

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 13/05/2023 00:05

Episode 2 should be The Doorbell
It introduces the Rozzer characters when they have to come out because Freeholder has stolen the Ring doorbell but technically they are right so Leaseholder has to apologise and Rozzers walk off with some sort of quip to end the episode along the lines of "give me a bell next time there's something you need to ring me about"

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 13/05/2023 00:06

Episode 2 should be The DoorbellIt introduces the Rozzer characters when they have to come out because Freeholder has stolen the Ring doorbell but technically they are right so Leaseholder has to apologise and Rozzers walk off with some sort of quip to end the episode along the lines of "give me a bell next time there's something you need to ring me about"

AnyaMarx · 13/05/2023 01:21

Nah the ROZZERS. Would get in the panda - look at each other and burst out laughing.
One (me ) would mutter and chunter though gritted teeth until the next job came in .

Think of me as Catherine from happy valley.

That episode where she's about to off the savaged by dogs sheep and is trying to get the caller to go in and make tea while she does the deed .

That would be me . Only with a ring doorbell and bunting .

Kikubobby · 13/05/2023 05:22

hereiamagainn · 11/05/2023 22:13
Am I the only one to read the title and think that OP had invited her mates round for a Coronation Street (Corrie) binge-watch session? 😂

No 🤣