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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be this upset a bully who reports me to police gatecrashed coronation street party

275 replies

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 15:29

Having singlehandedly organised a street party last year for the jubilee - inc risk assessment, paying for insurance, street notices, spending £500 by the end - that was a great success I stupidly did it all again this year for the coronation. I bought most of the bunting, put it up, arranged tables/chairs/canopy, decorated the canopy, went round the whole street 4x to get everyone involved, blew up an awesome balloon display, licked paper chains to decorate, contacted neighbours to remove cars, organised music, plates etc. Same as last year only a handful of lovely neighbours helped; it was pretty much all me.

But it was 'gatecrashed' by a neighbour I didn't invite who's just moved in to my building and has caused me incredible stress and anxiety - I've recently recorded high BP for the first time in my life. He's a leaseholder, I'm a freeholder and he does whatever he wants without permission. I stopped him undertaking work in a communal area about which I knew nothing. He called the police. I asked him to remove a Ring doorbell at the communal front door he was using to spy on me (not paranoid; another neighbour confirms) and when he missed two deadlines I removed it myself, told him I had no intention of keeping it but needed written assurance he wouldn't re-install it before returning it. He called the police claiming theft. Both times the police told him I was right and he needed to apologise. But the time wasted sorting all that out and writing to him to list his many misdemeanours meant I missed the deadline for official street closure which almost scuppered the whole event.

He bangs on my door, he turns up at my back door, he calls me and harangues me on the phone to the point I've had to tell him I want no direct contact with him as I consider his activity to be harassment (there's tons of other incidents). So when he walked into the party I asked him to leave. He refused and said it was his street and he therefore had every right to be there. I pointed out I'd organised the whole thing. But he was supported by two sets of neighbours who literally did nothing to help or contribute yet argued with me and then went down the pub with him when it came to clearing up (they're not friends yet; he only moved in two months ago and one of them knew of the problems).

I'm so upset that it's ruined what should have been a great day and was an even better success than last year's only because of huge cost to my time and purse. The guy's an entitled bully and I recognise him striding in to the party was part of that behaviour but it still made me cry out of anger and frustration that he was benefitting from my hard work and these two couples who just turned up and had a great time felt they could tell me what to do. AIBU?

OP posts:
Testina · 11/05/2023 16:13

There’s no doubt he’s an arsehole, but you can’t control invitations to a street party, you must know that.

What happened to your bunting from last year? I’m gobsmacked at the amount of money you spent!

memyselfi · 11/05/2023 16:13

Don't throw hundreds of pounds at a party and then be a martyr about it .

ifthe · 11/05/2023 16:15

Neither of you sound like the type of neighbours that I would want. He sounds like an inconsiderate prick and you sound like a busybody- exactly how many letters about various infractions have you written him?

In this though it is a street party- therefore open to the street, you were out of line not inviting him, out of line telling him to leave, and absolutely batshit to cry about it.

longwayoff · 11/05/2023 16:15

If you want a private party have it in your garden. If you want a public, everyone welcome - except you - event then you have to expect opposition. Hes a bully and you're not far off yourself. Stop getting into conflict with him. It takes two to make an argument. If you dont take part in it then he'll find something else to do.

Marblessolveeverything · 11/05/2023 16:15

Public place - no legal remiss nor right to control access - simple.

Other issues are completely separate.

Testina · 11/05/2023 16:15

“But the time wasted sorting all that out and writing to him to list his many misdemeanours meant I missed the deadline for official street closure which almost scuppered the whole event. “

This bit is a bit odd really.

PollyAmour · 11/05/2023 16:17

Street parties are for the street, not just a select few. Hold the next event in your back garden then you can ban him from attending.

Goodoccasionallypoor · 11/05/2023 16:20

Why did you write out a list of his 'misdemeanours'? What was the tone and purpose of it?

TimesRwo · 11/05/2023 16:26

Testina · 11/05/2023 16:15

“But the time wasted sorting all that out and writing to him to list his many misdemeanours meant I missed the deadline for official street closure which almost scuppered the whole event. “

This bit is a bit odd really.

I don’t get it either.

Sounds like OP put all her effort into her neighbour that it took over her life, which does seem obsessive.

Dishwashersaurous · 11/05/2023 16:27

I don't understand why you organised a street party, which by definition is open to everyone.

When you have such trouble with a neighbour that the police are involved.

Police involvement with neighbours is surely obvious that you can't organise an event with neighbours

KittyAlfred · 11/05/2023 16:29

As far as I was aware, a lot of street parties were ticket only, because of the cost of providing food etc.

OP he sounds like an absolute dick, but don’t let it spoil your memories of the day.

Blort · 11/05/2023 16:29

He sounds like a total twat. Hopefully he wont stay long. Dont let him get away with shit - consider if your easiest option is to move or go nuclear and start down path of reporting everything he does to council/getting a restraining order etc.

Unfortunately, it's clear that just by walking in to the event, let alone refusing to leave that he's utterly shameless so you're going to be in for a world of shit till one of you goes.

pictoosh · 11/05/2023 16:30

Agree with others on this one. You’ve no business excluding him from his own street ffs. That you spent stupid amounts on a street party is your problem…you didn’t buy the street.

pictoosh · 11/05/2023 16:32

I don’t understand the bit about spending time writing about his misdemeanours either. What do you mean?

Butchyrestingface · 11/05/2023 16:32

Well, he doesn't sound like a pleasant neighbour. I'm not surprised you're frustrated and want him out of your hair. On the other hand, you sound like a bit of a martyr with (arguably) too much time and money on your hands.

But the above is ultimately irrelevant. As everyone has pointed out, it was a street party, not a garden party. Just stop throwing communal parties and forced gaiety.

CaroleSinger · 11/05/2023 16:33

You sound quite antagonistic yourself to be fair. The police told you that you were right to remove someone else's property and refuse to return it without written confirmation they wouldn't reinstall it? Of course they did dear... If you'd removed my rind doorbell and refused to return it demanding written confirmation I wouldn't reinstall it, I probably would have removed your front door.

Daffodil92 · 11/05/2023 16:34

You both sound like nightmare neighbours. The fact two other couples defended him is telling! Would like to hear their version of events. You sound like a bit of a busybody and you don’t own the street. YABU

Wantcattostoppeeing · 11/05/2023 16:34

It would be really interesting to hear the other side of this, are you such a busybody to everyone else in the building or did you single him out as he is only a leaseholder? You don't have to arrange street parties but if you choose to, you can't then demand that someone in the street is excluded.

2bazookas · 11/05/2023 16:35

said it was his street and he therefore had every right to be there.

He's right. What you organised was a community event on public space; not a private party.

And it's not "your building" , either. You're just one of the occupants.

BasiliskStare · 11/05/2023 16:35

Honestly - he is allowed to a street party even if you and a few others have done most of the work. If he were to cause a problem at the party - different thing.

Did you keep all the bunting etc from the Jubilee party - that could've saved a few bob.

Lovely of you to do all the decorations and so on , but did you have a resident's' association who could have contributed a wee bit. but I do think you have to take your neighbour coming to the street party as entirely different from your disagreement about what he is doing in the communal area. Also- a deadline is a deadline. I think just ignore the chap if you have a deadline to meet.

Goodoccasionallypoor · 11/05/2023 16:36

CaroleSinger · 11/05/2023 16:33

You sound quite antagonistic yourself to be fair. The police told you that you were right to remove someone else's property and refuse to return it without written confirmation they wouldn't reinstall it? Of course they did dear... If you'd removed my rind doorbell and refused to return it demanding written confirmation I wouldn't reinstall it, I probably would have removed your front door.

He put it on a communal front door. I'd imagine that the police would say it's ok to remove it in that scenario.

Butchyrestingface · 11/05/2023 16:37

“But the time wasted sorting all that out and writing to him to list his many misdemeanours meant I missed the deadline for official street closure which almost scuppered the whole event. “

I missed that bit. Yeah, what the fuck is that all about??

Be careful that you don't end up having to declare all this police involvement and ring-doorbells-at-dawn activity when you come to market your property eventually. You'll never get it sold.

Blondey2023 · 11/05/2023 16:38

He lives on the street so was absolutely warranted in being there. If you wanted a private, invite only party, then why didn't you do that in your own home?

Newjobformoremoney · 11/05/2023 16:38

Neither party is coming off well in this story

Reasonableadjustments · 11/05/2023 16:40

I really don't think you can ask him to leave a street party?