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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be this upset a bully who reports me to police gatecrashed coronation street party

275 replies

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 15:29

Having singlehandedly organised a street party last year for the jubilee - inc risk assessment, paying for insurance, street notices, spending £500 by the end - that was a great success I stupidly did it all again this year for the coronation. I bought most of the bunting, put it up, arranged tables/chairs/canopy, decorated the canopy, went round the whole street 4x to get everyone involved, blew up an awesome balloon display, licked paper chains to decorate, contacted neighbours to remove cars, organised music, plates etc. Same as last year only a handful of lovely neighbours helped; it was pretty much all me.

But it was 'gatecrashed' by a neighbour I didn't invite who's just moved in to my building and has caused me incredible stress and anxiety - I've recently recorded high BP for the first time in my life. He's a leaseholder, I'm a freeholder and he does whatever he wants without permission. I stopped him undertaking work in a communal area about which I knew nothing. He called the police. I asked him to remove a Ring doorbell at the communal front door he was using to spy on me (not paranoid; another neighbour confirms) and when he missed two deadlines I removed it myself, told him I had no intention of keeping it but needed written assurance he wouldn't re-install it before returning it. He called the police claiming theft. Both times the police told him I was right and he needed to apologise. But the time wasted sorting all that out and writing to him to list his many misdemeanours meant I missed the deadline for official street closure which almost scuppered the whole event.

He bangs on my door, he turns up at my back door, he calls me and harangues me on the phone to the point I've had to tell him I want no direct contact with him as I consider his activity to be harassment (there's tons of other incidents). So when he walked into the party I asked him to leave. He refused and said it was his street and he therefore had every right to be there. I pointed out I'd organised the whole thing. But he was supported by two sets of neighbours who literally did nothing to help or contribute yet argued with me and then went down the pub with him when it came to clearing up (they're not friends yet; he only moved in two months ago and one of them knew of the problems).

I'm so upset that it's ruined what should have been a great day and was an even better success than last year's only because of huge cost to my time and purse. The guy's an entitled bully and I recognise him striding in to the party was part of that behaviour but it still made me cry out of anger and frustration that he was benefitting from my hard work and these two couples who just turned up and had a great time felt they could tell me what to do. AIBU?

OP posts:
Pootles34 · 11/05/2023 15:39

He sounds like a knobber and I'm sorry you've had to deal with this, but he's right, it's a street party so I don't think there's much you can do?

OMalleysAlley · 11/05/2023 15:41

He sounds like a twat.

But you can't tell someone to leave a public street. If he was on your property you could tell him to leave, but anyone is entitled to be out on the street even during a street party.

Firstmonthfree · 11/05/2023 15:44

If you want to control the guest list book a venue. A street party is open to the whole street, they didn’t gatecrash.

TomeTome · 11/05/2023 15:44

The whole thing about a street party is it’s for the whole street not just the ones you like. If you organise do it generously and don’t allow yourself to get territorial. You sound like your heart is in the right place but possibly you need to get a little perspective on this particular neighbour.

SpeckledlyHen · 11/05/2023 15:45

I agree with the pp's - whilst he is undoubtedly a total knob there is not a lot you can do regards banning him from a street party.

OneTC · 11/05/2023 15:45

Unless it was in your garden you can't really ask him to leave, as galling as that may feel

Flowertight · 11/05/2023 15:46

You can’t stop people coming to a street party and it’s no-one else’s fault you keep spending hundreds of pounds on these. Missing deadlines because you spent so long writing a letter about his ‘misdemeanours’ - you sound like you’re both at fault and harrassing each other. Asking him to leave the street party in front of all your neighbours is an example of bullying behaviour too.

DanceMonster · 11/05/2023 15:47

He sounds like an absolute twat, but you can’t prevent someone from attending a
street party on the street they live on. It’s a community event, not a private party.

Garethkeenansstapler · 11/05/2023 15:48

Firstmonthfree · 11/05/2023 15:44

If you want to control the guest list book a venue. A street party is open to the whole street, they didn’t gatecrash.

This. He sounds a total bastard but a street party is literally that, open to the whole street, and asking him to leave perhaps created a row where you didn’t need to have one - I would’ve just left him to it and ignored him, or even hoped it might be a good moment to let bygones be bygones.

ThereIsAnEchoInHere · 11/05/2023 15:50

gatecrashed' by a neighbour I didn't invite

Interesting you call him a bully but, presumably, invited everyone but him to the party. Bullying by omission is actually bullying too. He may be a twat but excluding him because you have issues is wrong. The other neighbours who went to the pub with him clearly don’t have issues with him. I think, unless you two are able to sort out your differences, you may find it’s you who end up the outsider whilst he -infuriatingly-ends up with everyone on his side. Just something to bear in mind.

What work was he attempting to do on the property that you objected to? Just curious.

W0tnow · 11/05/2023 15:51

Posters are going to harangue you and profess great confusion as to why you didn’t simply ask him to leave. It’s not that easy when you are confronted with aggressive and spiteful people when you yourself are used to going through life as a normal person who is used to other people being, well, normal.

Besides, who wants to make a scene at their own party!

I’m glad your even was a success.

Qbish · 11/05/2023 15:51

The clue is in the name - it's a street party. For people living on the street.

Qbish · 11/05/2023 15:52

W0tnow · 11/05/2023 15:51

Posters are going to harangue you and profess great confusion as to why you didn’t simply ask him to leave. It’s not that easy when you are confronted with aggressive and spiteful people when you yourself are used to going through life as a normal person who is used to other people being, well, normal.

Besides, who wants to make a scene at their own party!

I’m glad your even was a success.

She did ask him to leave. In front of everyone else. At a street party.

DanceMonster · 11/05/2023 15:52

W0tnow · 11/05/2023 15:51

Posters are going to harangue you and profess great confusion as to why you didn’t simply ask him to leave. It’s not that easy when you are confronted with aggressive and spiteful people when you yourself are used to going through life as a normal person who is used to other people being, well, normal.

Besides, who wants to make a scene at their own party!

I’m glad your even was a success.

Have you read the OP? Or any of the replies? She did ask him to leave, and most of the replies are actually saying that she had no right to ask him to leave as it was a street party.

W0tnow · 11/05/2023 15:54

My bad.

Qbish · 11/05/2023 15:54

I'll be honest OP, you come across as a controlling martyr.

Do you run the PTA as well?

HazyDragon · 11/05/2023 15:55

Wow, I can't believe you have this much time and money to spend on throwing parties for the neighbours!

But best to have them in a private space if you want to dictate the guest list. I mean you can say he doesn't eat a fairy cake or sausage roll (assuming you've paid for them), but you can't make him leave his own street.

Goodoccasionallypoor · 11/05/2023 15:56

When you say you're a freeholder and he's a leaseholder, do you mean that you own your flat and he rents his?

Nordicrain · 11/05/2023 15:59

I think YABU to throw a stresst party and then attempt to exclude people ffrom the street. Not really in the spirit of things.

YANBU to be fed up with him. Ring the police on him for harrassment if he continues.

Clymene · 11/05/2023 15:59

He sounds awful but a street party is for the street. Clue's in the name.

Sissynova · 11/05/2023 16:00

I stopped him undertaking work in a communal area about which I knew nothing.

The same point stands for the street party. It isn't a closed off event if you're using the street or the communal land.

You also aren't better than him because you're a freeholder.

MargaretThursday · 11/05/2023 16:04

Is this a reverse?

You sound rather obsessed with him.

Goodoccasionallypoor · 11/05/2023 16:09

Do people get invited to street parties? I thought the whole idea was that they're open to everyone, what with them being held on a public road and all.

You both sound like annoying neighbours tbh.

StephanieSuperpowers · 11/05/2023 16:10

You both sound horrendous. He can go where he likes on the public street though, so since that's what you're asking, you're being unreasonable.

Curtains70 · 11/05/2023 16:13

I don't want to sound mean but your behaviour doesn't sound great either. You sound a bit obsessed with him and organising a street party but excluding him is pretty much bullying as well.

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