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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be this upset a bully who reports me to police gatecrashed coronation street party

275 replies

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 15:29

Having singlehandedly organised a street party last year for the jubilee - inc risk assessment, paying for insurance, street notices, spending £500 by the end - that was a great success I stupidly did it all again this year for the coronation. I bought most of the bunting, put it up, arranged tables/chairs/canopy, decorated the canopy, went round the whole street 4x to get everyone involved, blew up an awesome balloon display, licked paper chains to decorate, contacted neighbours to remove cars, organised music, plates etc. Same as last year only a handful of lovely neighbours helped; it was pretty much all me.

But it was 'gatecrashed' by a neighbour I didn't invite who's just moved in to my building and has caused me incredible stress and anxiety - I've recently recorded high BP for the first time in my life. He's a leaseholder, I'm a freeholder and he does whatever he wants without permission. I stopped him undertaking work in a communal area about which I knew nothing. He called the police. I asked him to remove a Ring doorbell at the communal front door he was using to spy on me (not paranoid; another neighbour confirms) and when he missed two deadlines I removed it myself, told him I had no intention of keeping it but needed written assurance he wouldn't re-install it before returning it. He called the police claiming theft. Both times the police told him I was right and he needed to apologise. But the time wasted sorting all that out and writing to him to list his many misdemeanours meant I missed the deadline for official street closure which almost scuppered the whole event.

He bangs on my door, he turns up at my back door, he calls me and harangues me on the phone to the point I've had to tell him I want no direct contact with him as I consider his activity to be harassment (there's tons of other incidents). So when he walked into the party I asked him to leave. He refused and said it was his street and he therefore had every right to be there. I pointed out I'd organised the whole thing. But he was supported by two sets of neighbours who literally did nothing to help or contribute yet argued with me and then went down the pub with him when it came to clearing up (they're not friends yet; he only moved in two months ago and one of them knew of the problems).

I'm so upset that it's ruined what should have been a great day and was an even better success than last year's only because of huge cost to my time and purse. The guy's an entitled bully and I recognise him striding in to the party was part of that behaviour but it still made me cry out of anger and frustration that he was benefitting from my hard work and these two couples who just turned up and had a great time felt they could tell me what to do. AIBU?

OP posts:
WomanStanleyWoman2 · 11/05/2023 18:43

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 18:33

Fair enough. I just think it's bad form and unreasonable when you've caused so much trouble for the person who's made it possible and you know how upsetting it's going to be for them when they deserve to be able to enjoy their hard work.

But if he’s as awful as you say he is, why would you expect him to suddenly become tactful and let you have your moment?

You hoped he’d be away. He wasn’t. It was the risk you took. Stick to organising private gatherings he cannot attend.

lanthanum · 11/05/2023 18:44

Did he actually know that you were the sole organiser of the street party? He might have assumed that there was a group of people involved, and the fact that he doesn't get on with one of them didn't mean he wasn't allowed to attend.

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 18:45

@Firstmonthfree I think there are timeframes for disclosure - the LPE1 forms don't ask for any dispute that's occurred at any time ever. I think it may be in the year before. I also think you may only need to disclose disputes that have involved police. Anyway, it's a reasonable dispute as the law's on your side so it's doubtful anyone would pull out over that. The forms are standard and available online so check it out.

OP posts:
Mayorquimby2 · 11/05/2023 18:48

"Like, if he organised literally anything anywhere I'd stay well away"
He hasn't travelled 2 towns over to go to a wedding he's not invited to on the basis that "technically religious ceremonies are open to the public" he's gone outside his front door on to the public street he lives on and is filled with his neighbours.

It'd be harder to stay well away than to attend.

He can be wrong about other things which I think he is based on your account of them and be completely in the right on this, which he is.

I think trying to argue "just because you can, does that mean you should" is a compete red herring because i think he is both morally and legally in the right. I think it's morally wrong of you to try and dictate others legal activities in a public place because you dislike them. You're the over stepping a line there and being unreasonable.

whynotwhatknot · 11/05/2023 18:52

It does sound like he probably did it to get a rise out of you and it worked didnt it

im sure hes not nice but you cant ban him from communal areas

i think you do still have to disclose the problem because you have involved the police

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 18:53

@lanthanum Yeah, course he knew. I was outside calling other residents organising everything while decorating or talking to passers-by and he performatively closed his front window because it was all so horribly intrusive. Like when I brought in a folding table that had been used and left it temporarily against my door in the hall he made a big deal of kicking it as he went by like it was SUCH an obstacle.

OP posts:
Reasonableadjustments · 11/05/2023 18:56

The police telling him to apologise is nothing really. If they thought he had behaved egregiously they'd have charged him with an offence.

How would he know you had organised it when he was away and you didn't invite him?

And yes, i would use a communal garden whenever I wanted. If it was, for example, a nice day and I wanted to sit out I would do. Even if my neighbour was having a bbq there.

Reasonableadjustments · 11/05/2023 18:57

You shouldn't have blocked the hall.

You can't complain that he's doing things wrong and then bend the rules yourself. That's a bit hypocritical.

Newjobformoremoney · 11/05/2023 18:59

OP, I hear that he’s annoying but it seems that your behaviour isn’t exactly rosy.
there seems to be a double standard here
I think you’ve missed the point of a street party.

Mardiarse · 11/05/2023 18:59

Why does he have to notify you about installing a ring doorbell, presumably at the entrance to the flats ? Isn’t he using it how everyone does I.e. to see who’s ringing his doorbell ?
How do your neighbours know he’s using it to spy on you ? Do you spend a lot of time at the site of the ring door bell to make it a worthwhile investment.
Did he confess his nefarious intentions, or have your neighbours caught him doing it ? Your neighbours sounds like they are shit stirring, or knowingly trying to wind you up.

Jonei · 11/05/2023 18:59

He sounds awful. But you can't tell him to leave a street party unfortunately.

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 19:03

@Mayorquimby2 Well, I appreciate your viewpoint and am reflecting; I have been given pause for thought. But at the same time I just don't think it's fair he turned up considering what he's done.

OP posts:
WomanStanleyWoman2 · 11/05/2023 19:03

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 18:53

@lanthanum Yeah, course he knew. I was outside calling other residents organising everything while decorating or talking to passers-by and he performatively closed his front window because it was all so horribly intrusive. Like when I brought in a folding table that had been used and left it temporarily against my door in the hall he made a big deal of kicking it as he went by like it was SUCH an obstacle.

This is getting ridiculous. How can you “performatively” close a window? You complain when he’s there, you complain when he distances himself… whatever he does is wrong.

As for the table, if you’re going to go around telling people they can’t do this or that and must follow guidelines at all times, you have to be whiter than white on the same score yourself.

SunnySaturdayMorning · 11/05/2023 19:05

Ah, so you’re a hypocrite as well as a difficult neighbour.

Of course it’s fair he turned up. There’s a street party on the street where he lives. It doesn’t matter who organised it.

ladydimitrescu · 11/05/2023 19:07

Honestly, I'd like to hear his side of all of this. You both sound like nightmare neighbours. You come across as overly controlling, bossy, and then cry and shout bully when you haven't got your way.

HecticHedgehog · 11/05/2023 19:12

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 18:29

Well, you've made a fair point. But I think it's back to front. Like, if he organised literally anything anywhere I'd stay well away because I'd think it pretty cheeky and deliberately provocative - and I haven't even done anything to him except refuse him permission he never bothered requesting. Of course I'd have the legal right to sit in the garden if he was entertaining guests there - but who'd do that? It's not reasonable behaviour. And I think turning up at an event organised by someone you keep trying to get arrested is similarly unreasonable.

What does he keep trying to get you arrested for?

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 19:17

@Mardiarse Because you're infringing upon other people's privacy - you're not just recording couriers but everyone's activity in the building. You could have one trained against your front door in a communal building but not in a communal area or entrance without permission. It's been explained already in the thread; there is case law; the police backed me up; and you can confirm it yourself with not much research - I wouldn't have asked him to take it down if I wasn't sure I was on solid ground legally and if I wasn't it'd still be there with a guy like this. There is also leasehold law which requires freeholder permission for doing anything in communal areas.

I CBA going into detail regarding how I know he was spying on me. I think you'd argue it even if I produced proof from MI5.

OP posts:
Dalekjastninerels · 11/05/2023 19:22

Perhaps a private party with your friends would have been better OP rather than a Street Party.

Something to consider.

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 19:23

@Reasonableadjustments I didn't block the hall. If I had I wouldn't be complaining about someone having to move something out of the way. Um, that was my point. It wasn't in his way - it's a fold-up table less than two inches wide.

OP posts:
Reasonableadjustments · 11/05/2023 19:32

You left a table in the hall.

I'm sure you shouldn't be doing that.

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 19:36

@Newjobformoremoney Maybe you're right. As I've already said I've been given pause for thought. I guess I just didn't imagine he'd turn up after what's gone on (also him having been on holiday during all the prep til an hour before it started). But also I'd have been a t* actually to invite him after what's gone on. So it looks like, from the grand consensus, I was wrong to tell him he shouldn't be there. But I don't think it's reasonable he was there considering his activity. Who here would go to any event when they've twice called the rozzers on the person organising it; destroyed their property; refused repeatedly to abide by the law - in the space of two months?

OP posts:
HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 19:44

Oh hey, @Reasonableadjustments Yes, I'm sure you're right, leaving an item less than two-inches wide in a hallway for probably an hour while you're clearing up after an event you'd organised was a grievous sin. Meanwhile the guy against whom you think I've sinned kept his bike in the same space and has maybe a ton of building material in the front garden.

OP posts:
Reasonableadjustments · 11/05/2023 19:46

The thing is. I'm not saying he's not an arse - he certainly seems to be from what you've said. But you aren't exactly squeaky clean either so what did you expect from him?

Dalekjastninerels · 11/05/2023 19:48

But it was a Street Party!

If he lives on the street he doesn't need to be invited. His address is the invitation.

saveforthat · 11/05/2023 19:59

The thing is, he sounds like a knob so he will do things to try to wind you up. Don't let him, try to ignore him. Certainly don't expect reasonable behaviour from him. Unfortunately I have experience of bad neighbours and some people just have to "win" so don't engage.