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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be this upset a bully who reports me to police gatecrashed coronation street party

275 replies

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 15:29

Having singlehandedly organised a street party last year for the jubilee - inc risk assessment, paying for insurance, street notices, spending £500 by the end - that was a great success I stupidly did it all again this year for the coronation. I bought most of the bunting, put it up, arranged tables/chairs/canopy, decorated the canopy, went round the whole street 4x to get everyone involved, blew up an awesome balloon display, licked paper chains to decorate, contacted neighbours to remove cars, organised music, plates etc. Same as last year only a handful of lovely neighbours helped; it was pretty much all me.

But it was 'gatecrashed' by a neighbour I didn't invite who's just moved in to my building and has caused me incredible stress and anxiety - I've recently recorded high BP for the first time in my life. He's a leaseholder, I'm a freeholder and he does whatever he wants without permission. I stopped him undertaking work in a communal area about which I knew nothing. He called the police. I asked him to remove a Ring doorbell at the communal front door he was using to spy on me (not paranoid; another neighbour confirms) and when he missed two deadlines I removed it myself, told him I had no intention of keeping it but needed written assurance he wouldn't re-install it before returning it. He called the police claiming theft. Both times the police told him I was right and he needed to apologise. But the time wasted sorting all that out and writing to him to list his many misdemeanours meant I missed the deadline for official street closure which almost scuppered the whole event.

He bangs on my door, he turns up at my back door, he calls me and harangues me on the phone to the point I've had to tell him I want no direct contact with him as I consider his activity to be harassment (there's tons of other incidents). So when he walked into the party I asked him to leave. He refused and said it was his street and he therefore had every right to be there. I pointed out I'd organised the whole thing. But he was supported by two sets of neighbours who literally did nothing to help or contribute yet argued with me and then went down the pub with him when it came to clearing up (they're not friends yet; he only moved in two months ago and one of them knew of the problems).

I'm so upset that it's ruined what should have been a great day and was an even better success than last year's only because of huge cost to my time and purse. The guy's an entitled bully and I recognise him striding in to the party was part of that behaviour but it still made me cry out of anger and frustration that he was benefitting from my hard work and these two couples who just turned up and had a great time felt they could tell me what to do. AIBU?

OP posts:
TallerThanAverage · 11/05/2023 17:39

You sound as bad as each other.

Kinneddar · 11/05/2023 17:46

You sound every bit as bad as him tbh

Writing a list of his misdemeanours- seriously wtf
Giving him a deadline to remove his Ring doorbell then removing it yourself
Telling him he can't go to a STREET party?

You're nor really coming across well. I dont believe for a minute Police said you were in the right for effectively stealing his property

I'm glad neither of you are my neighbours

Eupemiaroses · 11/05/2023 17:50

OP, you sound like an incredibly difficult and overly dramatic person and probably more of what I would consider a 'neighbour from hell' than your neighbour. He absolutely had every right to be at that party. You can't hold an event in a shared public space but then ban certain people. What gives you that right? Surely you thinking you can control what goes on in a public area is no different to him trying to install a ring doorbell in a communal area? I'm really glad the other neighbours stuck up for him and called you out on your bratty behaviour. It suggests it's not the first time they had to deal with you.

If you were hoping to show him up by asking him to leave you failed miserably. You're neighbours almost certainly think you're an attention seeker now and I imagine they will be talking about your party for a while to come...and not in a good way.

Whataretheodds · 11/05/2023 17:53

Sissynova · 11/05/2023 16:00

I stopped him undertaking work in a communal area about which I knew nothing.

The same point stands for the street party. It isn't a closed off event if you're using the street or the communal land.

You also aren't better than him because you're a freeholder.

He is bound by the terms of the lease, though.

OP, if he's in breach of his lease then you and the other freeholders can take action. But it would be much better for all of you if you could find a way to de-escalate the situation.

There's a lot of emotion loaded into the way you talk about the street party but, as others have pointed out, you can't exclude him from that and you're martyring yourself a bit.

Mochudubh · 11/05/2023 17:55

You both sound insufferable. He sounds like an arse but you went round all the neighbours 4 times, chivvying them to join in, asking them to remove their cars (to where?) and getting the street closed.

I'm glad I don't live in your street, I'd tell you to shove your bunting where the sun doesn't shine.

Firstmonthfree · 11/05/2023 17:58

But did he even know it was your hospitality? Was it advertised as ‘street party organised and paid for by hairysatsuma’ or was it just ‘street party for road from hell’.

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 18:00

Thank you for understanding my point. I'm not so altruistic I'd do anything that would benefit someone who's caused so much stress - to others in my household, too. If he hadn't been on holiday while it was all being organised I probably wouldn't have gone ahead because I'd have had to consider the chance he'd turn up and calculated the upset it would cause me wouldn't have been worth the work.

Apart from the time wasted waiting for police to turn up and deal with lies he'd told - resulting in them telling him to apologise - he had to be warned his behaviour is potentially harassment and certainly in breach of the lease to cover myself if he carries on calling the rozzers every time he doesn't get his way or it ends up in court. I didn't have time on top of that then to do the risk assessments, buy the insurance, put up official notifications...

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 11/05/2023 18:04

You could refuse to share the food at a BBQ in a communal garden, but as he has the right to be in the garden, you can’t stop him from being there.

plenty of people have ring doorbells. They are especially helpful in flats because you can communicate with the person at the front from your unit. Your reaction to him installing one is unusual. We are constantly recorded. That ship sailed long ago.

user1473878824 · 11/05/2023 18:06

“I didn't have time on top of that then to do the risk assessments, buy the insurance, put up official notifications...“

so, just… don’t do it if you can’t. It’s a nice idea but get the residents association to do it.

I’d like to hear the other neighbours’ take on the two of you…

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 18:06

Blimey. I didn't go to the same houses! Do you live in a street where everyone's in at the same time?

OP posts:
ILoveCreamCrackersMe · 11/05/2023 18:09

Why would the police ask him to apologise?

That's some grade A bs right there.

TimesRwo · 11/05/2023 18:13

I find it really really surprising that a police officer would tell him to apologise. I highly doubt that happened. They’re police officers, not teachers in a primary school playground!

MayBeeJuneSoon · 11/05/2023 18:14

Qbish · 11/05/2023 15:54

I'll be honest OP, you come across as a controlling martyr.

Do you run the PTA as well?

This 100%!!!

DanceMonster · 11/05/2023 18:16

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 18:00

Thank you for understanding my point. I'm not so altruistic I'd do anything that would benefit someone who's caused so much stress - to others in my household, too. If he hadn't been on holiday while it was all being organised I probably wouldn't have gone ahead because I'd have had to consider the chance he'd turn up and calculated the upset it would cause me wouldn't have been worth the work.

Apart from the time wasted waiting for police to turn up and deal with lies he'd told - resulting in them telling him to apologise - he had to be warned his behaviour is potentially harassment and certainly in breach of the lease to cover myself if he carries on calling the rozzers every time he doesn't get his way or it ends up in court. I didn't have time on top of that then to do the risk assessments, buy the insurance, put up official notifications...

Surely you knew there was a chance he’d be back for the party? Not many people holiday indefinitely.
Regardless of your feelings about him, it was a street party and as a resident of the street he had every right to be there.

Mayorquimby2 · 11/05/2023 18:17

"If I can't object to him attending an event I organised because he lives on the street that would suggest I can't object, either, if I invite neighbours (or anyone) round for a bbq in the communal garden and he turns up because that space belongs to him, too."

Yes of course.

If in the middle of the bbq he came and told you to pack it up and leave would you just accept his order? Or would you rightly point out it's a shared space and he can't tell you to leave.

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 18:18

Right. So legally he CAN be there. But would you?

And I'm afraid you're wrong about Rings. Just because you're being recorded everywhere doesn't mean you lose all rights to privacy around your own home. Maybe you don't care. I do - especially in the hands of someone monitoring my activity. And I'm backed by the law as the police explained to him after I'd already gone to great lengths to do so myself with evidence that he ignored before treating the police (unsuccessfully) like his personal henchmen.

OP posts:
DanceMonster · 11/05/2023 18:20

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 18:18

Right. So legally he CAN be there. But would you?

And I'm afraid you're wrong about Rings. Just because you're being recorded everywhere doesn't mean you lose all rights to privacy around your own home. Maybe you don't care. I do - especially in the hands of someone monitoring my activity. And I'm backed by the law as the police explained to him after I'd already gone to great lengths to do so myself with evidence that he ignored before treating the police (unsuccessfully) like his personal henchmen.

No I wouldn’t. Like I said, he sounds like a twat. Nothing you can do about it though. If you organise a street party, you can’t exclude one member of the street.

Eylis · 11/05/2023 18:26

I refuse to believe this is real.

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 18:29

Well, you've made a fair point. But I think it's back to front. Like, if he organised literally anything anywhere I'd stay well away because I'd think it pretty cheeky and deliberately provocative - and I haven't even done anything to him except refuse him permission he never bothered requesting. Of course I'd have the legal right to sit in the garden if he was entertaining guests there - but who'd do that? It's not reasonable behaviour. And I think turning up at an event organised by someone you keep trying to get arrested is similarly unreasonable.

OP posts:
Firstmonthfree · 11/05/2023 18:29

You’re right on the ring doorbells @HairySatsuma my neighbour has got one pointing over communal grounds. Totally illegal but I don’t want to have a dispute to declare when I sell my property so sucking it up for now. I do think they should be sold with guidance though a lot are being used completely illegally.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 11/05/2023 18:32

If I can't object to him attending an event I organised because he lives on the street that would suggest I can't object, either, if I invite neighbours (or anyone) round for a bbq in the communal garden and he turns up because that space belongs to him, too.

Of course you couldn’t object! Don’t you know what “communal” means? You’re cracked!

He probably went to the street party just because he could, to annoy you. I’d have done the same. You sound like a nightmare head cook and bottlewasher type who thinks it’s up to her to take charge of the neighbourhood. Whining about how it was his fault that you almost missed the deadline… not yours because you decided to prioritise a snooty letter to him over said deadline, oh no.

Next time you want a party, have it in your freehold flat. You’ll be free to exclude anyone you like. If you kept yourself to yourself a bit more instead of putting yourself in charge, you might find he wouldn’t be in such a rush to antagonise you.

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 18:33

Fair enough. I just think it's bad form and unreasonable when you've caused so much trouble for the person who's made it possible and you know how upsetting it's going to be for them when they deserve to be able to enjoy their hard work.

OP posts:
TimesRwo · 11/05/2023 18:33

HairySatsuma · 11/05/2023 18:29

Well, you've made a fair point. But I think it's back to front. Like, if he organised literally anything anywhere I'd stay well away because I'd think it pretty cheeky and deliberately provocative - and I haven't even done anything to him except refuse him permission he never bothered requesting. Of course I'd have the legal right to sit in the garden if he was entertaining guests there - but who'd do that? It's not reasonable behaviour. And I think turning up at an event organised by someone you keep trying to get arrested is similarly unreasonable.

How does he know that you organised it if he was never invited?

DanceMonster · 11/05/2023 18:36

TimesRwo · 11/05/2023 18:33

How does he know that you organised it if he was never invited?

Good point. How would he know that you had organised it, if he knew nothing about the party until it happened?

slashlover · 11/05/2023 18:36

I'd love to know what work he wanted to do in the communal garden.