Sending 7 year old to boarding school

[Bringonsummer19]

So my daughter is currently away (8) on her first residential trip. She is away from Wednesday through to Friday. I already miss her so much and it got me thinking of my sister who is sending her 7 year old away to boarding school in September. Her husband is in the army so will subsidise the fees and it’s aimed at continuity of education. Nonetheless my sister does not work and therefore could settle with DS (albeit husband would have to commute to army base) and they couldn’t afford private school fees.

im i unreasonable to think that 7 is just too young to be away from home unless there is a really valid reason (eg husband posted to Iran)

I went at 10. For some it's ok, but I think children should have a place of total security, refuge, space to be themselves, ie home every day. I wouldn't have sent my DC in a million years, and certainly not before 14.

a relative of ours sent her sons to boarding school that age (she could’ve looked after them despite being divorced - she had the money and the support) and 50 years later they’re still upset about it and resent their mother to this day. Both men have emotional issues and lack empathy. I could never do this. Why have children if they won’t even be home?

Far too young in my opinion. I’m not 100% in favour of boarding schools on the whole. Strangers will spend more time with the child than their own family. How do you bond with a child you only parent part time?

But from what @TizerorFizz says her DD is not a young boarder of today. Are they not about thirty? Not much younger than my DH and he had a terrible time.

I think she is talking about parents who both work full time and have their children in full-time nursery, I see it alot where I work, couples who have young babies in from 7-6 Monday to Friday and can easily afford the fees, which is quite sad

I went to uni with a lot of people who had been at boarding schools. It is not for every child, but if you have parents who move a lot, it offers consistency and stability. I had moved 11 times by the time I started GCSEs - to the detriment of my education and some subjects I never caught up in. I can see from the outside why it looks awful, but there are benefits.

Only if you are happy with your child being brought up by other 7 year olds

My EXDP was sent to boarding school at 5 years old (not in the UK).

Although he doesn't think so, I can see it scarred him for life as he has a very detached attitude to everything, and from what I've seen, he has difficulty forming lasting relationships, and in believing in them. He is extremely independent, so despite me wanting us to do things like have a joint account (I earned more than double what he did), he refused, saying we should manage our own money, then was resentful that I had so much more.

He used to ask me to read to him, which I realised was because he'd never had anyone do that. He also used to wake me up in the middle of the night (like 1/2/3am) for sex, when we had babies, plus he knew I needed to be up at 5.30am for work, and despite me asking him not to do so many times.

He was also extremely jealous of my intact family, the fact that I saw my parents almost daily, and that they would help me with the DC when he refused to. He would moan that they were our DC and that I was behaving like a child in letting my parents help us with things like the odd day of childcare or school/nursery drop-offs, yet wouldn't do those things himself as he wanted me to, on top of my busy full-time job.

I don't need to send my DC to boarding school, so wouldn't. Although I can see how it may benefit much older DC, e.g.at secondary school age, personally I think 7 is much too young.

But different as they are in the army though.
Growing up with multiple postings, changing school every year, different city/country constantly really messes up your education and friendships.
Being the new kid all the time is very hard and boarding school for military kids is offering that stability

I think it's up to your sister and he husband where they decide to send THEIR SON how would you feel if your sister poked her nose into how u brought your kid up and what choices u made for them. If that's what they want to do and all parties are happy with that choice then that's got nothing to do with you nor does their finances either.

I recall an event at Prep school, one Saturday morning. A friend of mine would go out for the weekend with her father once every month, and he would travel from abroad to be there.
On this day she was as always standing outside the main entrance at 10am sharp waiting for him. He didn't arrive so she waited, past 11 and 12, just stood there on her own and refused to say a word. At 4pm the Matron came out and said, in my hearing, ' you've been misbehaving recently so I asked your Dad not to come, let that be a lesson to you'. In all my life I have never seen such hurt and sadness on a face, not on a child or adult, not over the span of my life, 60's now.

If you feel so happy with your choices, there is no need to keep justifying them repeatedly. Most other people clearly disagree about the merits boarding school and think that it is abdicating parental responsibility to send young children away without an excellent reason.
There has been plenty of research on the damaging effects of boarding school, especially at a younger age. There have been well documented reports of abuse in well regarded, well known schools.
If you were happy with your choices, that's great but it's unlikely that you will persuade others to change their minds.

So what's the name of this prestigious school? It isn't any of the big-name boys' schools, as they don't take children under 13.

There are schools which take young children as boarders, but they're not 'big name' schools - apart from the choir schools, but it would be odd to send a boy there at 7 unless he was a chorister (in which case that's a completely different scenario - not one I'd entertain for a 7 yr old, but I can see why parents might).

That is cruel beyond words. It wouldn't happen now.

It's explained in the post.

Your sister not working is irrelevant, if he’s in the army they’ll be moving every 2 years, often more than that. I’ve watched many military children develop awful anxiety about constantly leaving friends and having to start again at a new school and never putting down roots. The reason there is a military discount at many boarding schools and the subsidy from the armed forces is to provide military children with some stability and uninterrupted education. You mention sending the child if their father was posted abroad…that would be the worst time! To send a child off when they’re anxious about a parent being in danger.

Being a military child or spouse is difficult and unless you’re part of that world you really can’t understand some of those pressures and unique circumstances.

I’d say whatever your personal view, put that aside and support them.

@MumsnestOfVipers Of course there are big name prep boarding schools. Wills and Harry went to one: Ludgrove. Horris Hill, Paplewick, Summer Fields and plenty of others are well known for their academics and destination schools. I would not be keen on boarding at prep though. However from 11-13 it does seem sensible for some boys.

Age 7. Still a baby. When they are 11 an up you realise how tiny 7 is.
To send them away for weeks on end when they can't even text / call properly as too young?!?

I genuinely don’t see the point in having children just to send them off to boarding school.

Not your kid, not your call!!

keep your nose out and support as you can.

that being said I did summer camp (4nights) at 7. Cried all night every night, only slept out of exhaustion for a few hours. It was too young. At 8 I was fine.

God no, that’s just too young. I went to boarding school, and I LOVED it, would definitely recommend it, it I didn’t go until I was 13.

I don't think their child will thank them for it despite being a "good school". Poor thing.

My husband was exactly the same and decades later still describes it as the worst time in his life.

I think it's abusive to send a young child to boarding school. Not great even for a teen but being older, it would be easier to manage for them.

My friends where the husband was in the army didn't send their kids to boarding school until they went to secondary. And then it was in a location close to other relatives and parents visited regularly. Yes when young the kids had to move school often etc, but they always had the continuity of family life, which is more important. They've grown up to be well adjusted adults.

Older kids go because it’s their ‘choice’ at 13 etc. I know a couple that went at sixth form. But they also had a home life where their parents, though loving, were also out of the country a lot so the teens were in a massive house alone. I think they chose it out of loneliness. My daughter was sad when her friend left their school to board but they stayed in touch.

I would feel pretty sad if my secondary age kids had decided that they wanted to leave home before university. I would genuinely wonder what was lacking at home. Thankfully we were very close and made the most of our lovely years together until they flew the nest for university.

@Treesandsheepeverywhere "Depends on the child.
I know 3 who went at that age, 2 loved it and still do"

Sure. Because being rejected by your own parents at age 7 will definitely not have any effect on your mental health.

Of course they loved it. Isnt it anyone's dream to be kicked out of your home at age 7. Who needs parents when you can have strangers 'raise' you right?