Sending 7 year old to boarding school

[Bringonsummer19]

So my daughter is currently away (8) on her first residential trip. She is away from Wednesday through to Friday. I already miss her so much and it got me thinking of my sister who is sending her 7 year old away to boarding school in September. Her husband is in the army so will subsidise the fees and it’s aimed at continuity of education. Nonetheless my sister does not work and therefore could settle with DS (albeit husband would have to commute to army base) and they couldn’t afford private school fees.

im i unreasonable to think that 7 is just too young to be away from home unless there is a really valid reason (eg husband posted to Iran)

@CombatBarbie

There are current UK schools that take children boarding from 3yrs old?

I'm genuinely shocked, can you name these schools? I don't know any that take anyone under 8 so I'm really curious

My apologies, I thought it was free! However, even if the couple can’t afford to pay for on base accommodation and a permanent home (is that really the case?), that doesn’t make sending a 7 year old to boarding school an OK option. Changing schools multiple times would be nowhere near as damaging, so their child can stay with the parents until they’re older. Honestly, I don’t understand why they even had a child if they’re going to pack them off at 7.

Can’t they send nephew when he’s older if it’s just about school reputation?

My boarding school took children from 9. This was in the 90’s. They had stopped taking children from 7 as it was already being considered too young back then. To be honest the girls who had been in since 9 were damaged, they had had no love and some of the staff were very cruel and controlling and I mean that in all honesty. They had had no one to look after them and protect them emotionally. There is not a chance in hell I would send my daughter to boarding school.

You don't think forming friendships is necessary for development?

This is modern day boarding where they can communicate with parents daily, go home for weekends/birthdays/parents visit whenever possible...

I personally wouldn't send a 7yo to board, but I think it is absolutely necessary for children to have continuity. It is more important to have stability in childhood than it is to live with parents.

It always strikes me that for forces families sending a child to board at 7 so that the parents can live together is totally the wrong prioritisation. If it’s ok for a 7 year old to live separately from his family, why is it not ok for the serving adult to do that and the parent + child not move with them? Odd.

Are there really schools where 4/5 year olds can board?

There are boarding schools that accept 4 - 6 year olds but as fat pupils.

Anyway, I can possibly see an argument for boarding at secondary or from 13 if the military parent is moving a lot. I wouldn’t do it though.

But 7? No way

Glorified Children's Home.
Why did she bother having a child. Terrible.

“There are boarding schools that accept 4 - 6 year olds but as fat pupils”.

Day pupils - not fat ones 😫

Has it changed because my memory is that all Service children were eligible for subsidised boarding school education but that was 30+ years ago. I have a relative whose children both went to boarding school at the expense of the state yet their family home never changed through all that time, their father would be away but their mother never accommpanied him.

@CombatBarbie*

Some in the UK take them from 3!!!!*

That is just nonsense. Can you really name a single school that takes boarders at 3 years old?

Whilst I accept at sixth form, it is the child’s choice, I am still not a fan, even at that age. When I think of all the small conversations I used to have with my daughter. We chatted whilst cooking, during car journeys, when she came up to bed to ask me something etc. They were all opportunities to discuss stuff that had happened during the day, interactions with friends, odd comments from boys, issues around her teachers, events happening in the world, ethical issues etc: so many impromptu conversations and chances for her to learn and grow in a safe and supportive environment before leaving home. I do not think that could be replicated by contact just in the school holidays .

Your assuming there is another possibility. If the family live on base, their home will need to change whenever the military parent moves base. Their spouse cannot stay on base if they are not employed on that base (deployment for combat is different because they'd still be employed by their UK base).

If the family home and therefore the child's school has to change multiple times throughout primary it can be devastating for the child's development. Stability is essential in childhood.

Come on... no chance in hell the government would pay boarding fees if it wasn't absolutely essential, would they?

So the family can buy a house for their children to grow up in. They can live off base.

If the DH has to weekly commute he can. That’s better than sending a 7 year old away to school.

Come on... no chance in hell the government would pay boarding fees if it wasn't absolutely essential, would they?

Piffle, it’s an establishment perk that at least some soldiers have abused so their children can go to schools they can’t afford

What makes me most sad about this thread is people saying it’s fine for children with severe SEN but not fine for neurotypical children 😢

A squaddie on £21,425 a year gross can just afford to buy a family home?

From the website uk boarding schools. Presume it’s reliable?

https://www.ukboardingschools.com/prep-schools/#:~:text=While%20prep%20schools%20cater%20for,in%20the%20UK%20is%20seven.

‘While prep schools cater for boarders between 7-13 years, some preparatory schools have a pre-prep department that takes younger day pupils. Students are usually age five or above, but can even be as young as two. The youngest age that children can start boarding in the UK is seven’

They can rent one then.

And I very much doubt those squaddies are claiming the CEA…

Thank you JackSpratt, I'm relieved to know that 4 years old is not an acceptable age for boarding.

There is another possibility. I know lots of families that have retained their quarter whilst their partner is based elsewhere, in order for to avoid constantly uprooting the children.

If there came a time when I had to chose between living apart from my husband or sending my children away to school, I would not hesitate to live away from my husband and he’s always known that would be the case. I’ve known women to send their children off to school whilst they remain unemployed and follow their husband round the country (or further afield in some cases) and it boggles my mind. To me, that’s not being a parent.

So why is the government paying for it if its not a necessity? If constantly changing schools was not detrimental to a child's development, why is it worth the government funding?

My Mum went to a girl's boarding school at 7. My grandparents thought they were doing the best thing for her. She was an only child and has very strong friendships from that time. Very close to her teachers as well.

However I recognise many of the 'boarding school syndrome' traits in her particularly in her struggles with parenting which I as the eldest got the worst of, she was more like a teacher than a parent, and her affection was very conditional (whereas my Dad who grew up in a loving family was the steady loving one). She's a perfectionist, gets completely wound up and stressed and anxious about random things.

That said she wasn't so damaged that she wasn't able improve her parenting skills to the extent that my younger siblings think that we older siblings are exaggerating about what she was like when we were younger.

It’s a quiet perk that in the scheme of things probably doesn’t cost much and those who use it would raise merry hell if it was taken away.

Cue Daily Mail sad face stories about sad Major London Desk Job and his delightful daughters who can no longer go to Roedean.

Forgetting that the vast majority of military personnel don’t claim it and either move their children or commute. Plus the government funds SPPG for their children in state schools.