Wedding invitation - please give us your money (basically)

[Truestorypeeps]

Received a second wedding invitation in a row which mentions words to the affect of, we would very much appreciate money towards our honeymoon as a gift. I personally couldn't physically write this in an invitation as it just feels presumptuous and tasteless.

Maybe this last invite got my back up as this couple have been together well over ten years, already have children, earn c.150k between them, massive house and already go on countless holidays at home and abroad. They could have easily omitted such a line from the invite. I understand they don't want toasters and towels, but surely there's another way?! E.g. heading, 'wedding gifts', below - 'your presence at our wedding would be more than enough, but if you'd like to gift us something to mark this day, please give a donation to XYZ charity which is close to our hearts because of XYZ??? Owing to the fact they are bloody rolling in it.

I think everyone alive knows that established couples nowadays probably do not need a toaster, BUT I believe that there are original and definitely would be loved by the couple type gifts
I find the cash ask thing very rude to be honest
I understand it is a modern thing
I know a bride still riding the waves of "internet fame" from being married 4 years ago 😂
I am not that old but I would like to see simple weddings return , some celebs do this and IMO, I would prefer intimacy and few guests as opposed to worrying about 200 guests I don't know that well and wtf they will eat - IMO wedding food is akin to hospital food - you can't complain, just grimace and shove it down
😬

I had a 60th party with friends and neighbours, I said if you wish to give money to hospice, I had 3 gifts, unwanted mug, some beautiful gold bee earrings, flowers and unwanted wine.
selfish to ask for what you don’t need

So you don’t mind gifting money to your ‘friend’ on their big day as long as they’re not able to enjoy it personally because they have too much already, in your opinion.

What a nice friend!

Tacky as hell. I'm embarrassed for the people who do this.

I wonder if the people who seem to see wealthy folk enjoying receiving wedding gifts as greedy and begging are the same with birthdays and Christmas.

Do you decline to give rich Uncle Bert anything at all and then mutter "What a nerve!" under your breath, when he looks sad that everybody else has gifts under the tree to open and he has nothing?

Even in the 'old days' of store wedding gift lists, some stores didn't necessarily allocate the individual gift to the giver, but just added the equivalent value on to the total that the B&G received - so if, say, ten people had chosen £30 items that you do quite want, but mainly included them to ensure there were cheaper options on there, you could easily swap them for the £300 item that nobody had bought you, but which you'd really set your hearts on.

I had a wedding abroad (3 guests) then honeymoon then a reception in the uk with our friends and family. Been together a long time so didn't need anything. I wrote on the invitations that your presence is our gift and we don't want any gifts, money or anything (well, nicer words to that effect. I got 9 photo frames!! People like to get something

Tacky, grabby, presumptuous. Would not be getting money from me.

I wonder if there's a market for an online wedding gift company - thoughtlessgenericweddingpresents.co.uk - that ostensibly sells toasters, kettles, Mr & Mrs champagne flutes, his & hers mugs and photo frames for your unimaginative 'well, we have to get them something' guests to buy you - but doesn't actually sell these items at all and just transfers you the money equivalent (less commission)?!

I think its really tacky as well. I don't understand people who say its so you dont get 5 toasters and an electric carving knife or so that guests are not stumped. Unless you are inviting total strangers who dont know you or dont get out much, i wouldnt be too worried?!

DH and I didnt mention anything about gifts or include any daft poems in our invites. People came to the wedding with gifts and pretty much all gave money. The odd person gave a voucher or an actual gift, and we got a load of champagne.

No one bought DH and I a toaster nor a set of mugs but even if they had, we would have accepted them graciously.

I think it's a great idea. Wish I'd thought of that.

If money is easier for you, you could just do that without being explicitly told to in the invitation.

They already live together. They don't need the stuff. It's a fair request. You can give any amount you feel. My dad (not rich at all) always gave a cheque to nieces etc to help them start their married life in that way they wanted. He taught me it was gracious to give roughly what the dinner would have cost for you and your party. If you're invited somewhere fancier than you can afforx to do this equate it to a restaurant you'd use. It seemed fair so I do I that

I'm.assumimg they are providing food and entertainment for you not putting on a charity event

I'm skint I get your thinking but I do think it's unfair.

Did they have a clause saying you don't have to give they should

Also it's a more eco choice than buying people stuff they already have.

I got married 10 years ago and found the majority if people gave money anyway and yes we probably got some things we didn't need but never would I have asked for money, no way! I've never known anyone irl to ask either, if they did I'd cringe for them. But I don't think they shouldn't receive anything just because they are well off and they should give it to charity, they are entitled to wedding presents as much as anyone else but it's tacky as fuck to ask considering most will give it anyway!

Isn't it a robustly-accepted part of some Asian cultures where the B&G will routinely specify 'no boxed gifts' - meaning that the couple only wants money and not stuff?

Really? You’re often having conversations in which people both decry etiquette and wish for greater direction on etiquette? How extraordinary.

What a bizarre life you’re living. I can’t imagine this ever coming up in conversation, let alone often.

Really don't understand why this is seen as offensive or wrong. Isn't it more "offensive" to go to a wedding (or any occasion, like a birthday etc..) empty handed? Surely money contribution is better than an unwanted gift. They don't want any "stuff" - really can't see anything wrong with that. It's like saying you'd rather have an experience rather than "stuff" for a birthday. Then entirely up to the guest how much or little they want to give, just give the value of the gift you would have been prepared to buy. As long as it isn't taking the p*ss like giving one pound, then equally the couple shouldn't begrudge people for not being able to afford to give much.

It’s a big no from me.
I really can’t believe some people put that on their wedding invites.
Whether you go or not I wouldn’t be giving money as a gift. My two problems with it are

1. I don’t like to be told I think it’s rude.
2. The pressure would be on to give more than you usually would because it’s cash.
3. After being together for so long they’re bound to need a new toaster by now

As others have said, if they don't do this then they end up with a load of objects they don't need which is arguably wasteful. By being explicit they're removing stress from anyone who doesn't know what to get them and making it very clear where the money is going. It's absolutely fine with me. I can't believe so many people have a problem with being explicit.

It's really no different from a gift list... making sure your guests know that, if they wish to give you something (as most will because that's what custom dictates), this is what you need.

And for those comments about birthdays, both my (now sadly departed) Nan and Grandad had on their 80th birthday invites "I don't need more things but if you would like to donate to X charity which means something to me that would be lovely". I've also responded to questions about what I'd like for Christmas/birthday with "I don't really want or need anything other than a new laptop/phone/other larger price item required at the time so please could I just have some money towards that?"

Surely them having something they want and will enjoy is the important thing?

I love people who ask for money. Easy, straightforward, saves me having to think of something or contact the bride's mum, maid of honour or whoever in an attempt to trace down a wish list.

When I got married we specified no gifts. We still got gifts, some of them neither useful nor to our taste. They've gone straight to the back of a cupboard. And all because tradition/etiquette dictates that people should not turn up emptyhanded.

Really? So if they have 100 guests they then spend time responding to each person to confirm what gift they want?

with a registry guests can go through and pick based on budget etc, how will the call go? So what do you want? Oh can I get a blender? Err that’s a bit more than my budget can you tell me something under £20? Ok maybe a pen? Is that ridiculously awkward and time consuming?

Really? So if they have 100 guests they then spend time responding to each person to confirm what gift they want?

Yes, why not? Firstly, with couples and family groups it won't be anywhere near 100 separate requests. Second, these are presumably people you know and love so will be in contact with them anyway at some point between invitation and wedding. Third, yes if people are making an effort to travel, dress up, buy a gift to help you celebrate your wedding you can make an effort to bloody well talk to them if they have a question!

I think don't go because if you liked these people you wouldn't care. A good friend of mine was married a year ago. They put a little poem about the honeymoon in it. We all (friends and coworkers) gave cash. At the time they had a lot more money then I did. And it never crossed my mind. I love them and was happy to donate to their honeymoon

What does their income have to do with it?