Wedding invitation - please give us your money (basically)

[Truestorypeeps]

Received a second wedding invitation in a row which mentions words to the affect of, we would very much appreciate money towards our honeymoon as a gift. I personally couldn't physically write this in an invitation as it just feels presumptuous and tasteless.

Maybe this last invite got my back up as this couple have been together well over ten years, already have children, earn c.150k between them, massive house and already go on countless holidays at home and abroad. They could have easily omitted such a line from the invite. I understand they don't want toasters and towels, but surely there's another way?! E.g. heading, 'wedding gifts', below - 'your presence at our wedding would be more than enough, but if you'd like to gift us something to mark this day, please give a donation to XYZ charity which is close to our hearts because of XYZ??? Owing to the fact they are bloody rolling in it.

That's the point. There is no need to send out cringeworthy poems, because most people attending a wedding will take a gift. I bet most default gifts now are cash, so the poem/request for cash is obsolete.

Seriously!?!? Firstly, don't you already have enough to do when planning a wedding than fielding multiple messages from guests asking what you might want. Secondly, what a pain for the guests. As a guest I'd much rather have a clear direction either via a gift list or that they want cash. So much simpler and you know you are getting them something they want and do are not wasting your cash. Thirdly, many guests wouldn't feel comfortable asking or couldn't be arsed (and fair enough) so you'd also end up with a load of random tat that you don't want or need. Disappointing for the couple and a completely waste of time and money for the guest.

I would also feel annoyed about being directed to give money to charity so I probably wouldn't (unless something really really personal to the couple). If I want to give money to charity I will. And I'll choose who to give to. If I am buying a gift (or giving money for a honeymoon etc) I want my gift to go to the couple.

They are a pair of cheeky grabbers. Give them a toaster.

🤣👍

Good job I don’t complain about any of those things then! I don’t ever give much thought to societal expectations of what to do/say/wear because so many are bollocks. If I want to give someone a gift, I will. If I don’t, I won’t - and demanding a gift is a sure fire way to make sure I don’t want to give you one.

I got everything from flowers to a tumble dryer I had no room for on our wedding. I also got a lot of nothing - people attending weddings without a gift are terrible people! I wish I had asked for contributions to a honeymoon!

I went to a wedding where they had cash boxes set up just before the entrance to the church AND to the entrance of the reception in case anyone had forgotten to donate in advance. The Vicar was😲…let alone anyone else!!

I'll bet the vicar was particularly put out at that, as a lot of small local parish churches rely on donations for the upkeep of the place, and often have their own boxes for people to give at the church entrance.

I don't know why mumsnetters hate this! I'd much rather give something the couple wanted even if it's cash. Doesn't matter how much money they earn or how long they've been together I wouldn't begrudge them a present

I just think that you're going to get them some sort of gift anyway, so if they don't need a traditional wedding list of toasters and teapots because they already have all that stuff, then why not put money towards something they do actually want? I don't see how it affects you, surely you're still spending the same amount on a gift that you would have done anyway?

Get them a toaster, that'll teach them 😂

Well etiquette would say that mentioning gifts at all (including the ‘no gifts’) in an invitation is tacky. So you’re good on that front!

Nothing wrong whatsoever with requesting money for a wedding gift. I think it's ridiculous to be offended by it, and surely it's much better than having gifts from 5 or 6 different people that are the SAME. I even hear people complaining when people make wedding lists on Amazon etc, with about 50 different things to choose from. They whinge about that too. I know a few people who have done this and the gifts were from 15 pound up to 100, so people quite free to buy a cheaper one.

I think it's a bit snarky, (like a poster said much earlier on in this thread) to say, 'oh, this one couple I know are on £150,000 between them and they've had loads of holidays abroad and have nice cars and their kids have everything they want la la la.'

I don't know how you can possibly know what money they are on and So What?! Maybe they want the money as a gift because they don't want to get stuff given to them that they have already got. And maybe they don't need anything else right now. Also find it hard to believe many people have £150K joint income, a massive house, loads of holidays, and kids etc, and yet they are only just getting married. Seems quite unlikely, and a bit of an exaggeration to try and make a point.

@Truestorypeeps YABU. And I agree with other posters, your scathing original post and all your rude and snarky subsequent ones make it clear you are very jealous. Not a good look..

The whole arsey thing about this IS , maybe some people would spend like £20-£30 on a nice gift but would feel pressured to raise that amount to £50 if giving cash to not look cheap
Flay me, I said it out loud

edit, the snarky poster I referred to was the OP!

Normal convention is, you receive / accept a wedding invitation and would take a gift. So, Put the amount of money you've budgeted for the gift in a card. They can spend it how they want. Job done.

I agree it's a bit crass to ask for money but I guess they don't want to end up with a dozen toasters.

What an entertaining and illuminating thread. Classic MN!

I’m fine with it - we got 3 silver fronted photo albums that have sat unused for years. We were buying our first house so money towards furniture would have been handy but no, 3 silver photo albums and a bottle of absinthe with beautiful glasses but still. I’d rather the bride and groom let us know what they want.

It used to annoy me.
Now it doesn't- it's sensible. Why get them future landfill waste?

I was thinking about what i would do (no decision to marry but a possibility) and I think I'll just ask guests to bring food for the food bank. We don't need more stuff, got too much already, and we earn more than most our friends.

100% this ⬆️

It's very tacky.
We didn't write anything In ours and we recieved a few thousand in cash. (Irish family)

The last two weddings we’ve been to have had this on it 🤦🏻‍♀️ At our wedding for all I technically would have preferred money, I didn’t mention gifts on the invite and gratefully received whatever we were given. Most people did do cash in a card or voucher for John Lewis etc anyway. One of the weddings I was at the groom mentioned in his speech, as a very tacky ‘joke’ that he hoped everyone had put a lot of money in a card in the box. There were lots of children in the bridal party and they were round with little collection tins, people were initially giving them coins but a lot of the men started to put £20/£40 in at a time. The groom again made a big thing about giving generously to them. I was majorly cringing! I think the problem is that people sign themselves up for a day that they end up quite miserable about due to the ridiculous cost. They then start to grudge the whole thing and find themselves stooping to the lows of putting these types of grabby poems in their invite 🙈

And buying them dinner plates is a better use of your money?

Don't feel obliged to put in more than you'd have happily spent on a present.

Give them a nice card and a book of poetry about romantic love that lasts through the ages. 😄

Given the context, I agree with you.

Any gift suggestions are only suggestions. Giving money at wedding ceremonies is very common in lots of cultures. Just because people already have money doesn't mean they shouldn't get a gift they could actually use.