Wedding invitation - please give us your money (basically)

[Truestorypeeps]

Received a second wedding invitation in a row which mentions words to the affect of, we would very much appreciate money towards our honeymoon as a gift. I personally couldn't physically write this in an invitation as it just feels presumptuous and tasteless.

Maybe this last invite got my back up as this couple have been together well over ten years, already have children, earn c.150k between them, massive house and already go on countless holidays at home and abroad. They could have easily omitted such a line from the invite. I understand they don't want toasters and towels, but surely there's another way?! E.g. heading, 'wedding gifts', below - 'your presence at our wedding would be more than enough, but if you'd like to gift us something to mark this day, please give a donation to XYZ charity which is close to our hearts because of XYZ??? Owing to the fact they are bloody rolling in it.

Along the same theme, imagine sending out your child's birthday invitations and it has a poem about recieving cash to go towards something! 😂
... as with a wedding, there's an expectation that you will bring a gift, there's a strong chance of duplication of something they already have, but still, you wouldn't dream of doing this. But hey, lots of people request cash for their honeymoon so it must be entirely acceptable, right?!

God when I get invites like this it's such a relief! Otherwise I stress over what to buy them. Far easier to whack some cash their way. I have no issue with it at all. Easier on all parties!

This is so cringingly pretentious I'm surprised you can breathe.

I think that's a really mean comment. You don't know them, their friends/family, their lifestyles, shared interests, culture, financial status.

I can't say it's what we would have done ourselves, but I'm really not getting 'pretentious' from it.

Wow, I really love this. Much better than "givvus a fifty towards an excursion" 😂

How much is normal to give when the couple request money for their honeymoon?

@recyclemeagain

Considering how many times he's been married (can't possibly imagine why - he's such an.... interesting character), even though there's only one person in the world who would want to support the charity, it would still have quite a healthy income

"£150k isn't rolling in it" is a vile statement really. Tell me you're loaded and oblivious to reality without telling me....

😅 oh bloody hell you're right! There must be a group of women out there who'd be up for that!

Don’t understand the ‘you’re just jealous’ posts? 🤷🏼‍♀️

You’ve been invited to a wedding - yeah!
…but they want money
…to go on a holiday that they can well afford
…you can’t afford your own holidays - but you’re meant to fund theirs?

It’s not jealousy it’s being irked by grabby CFs.

And as for ‘£150k is not exactly rolling in it…’ poster….What a disgustingly ignorant individual you are.

I went to a wedding where they had cash boxes set up just before the entrance to the church AND to the entrance of the reception in case anyone had forgotten to donate in advance. The Vicar was😲…let alone anyone else!!

We wouldn't be the closest of friends, but we get on well when we happen to be in the area and see them. I'm really not trying to convince you or anyone else of anything. Why do I give two hoots what faceless online strangers think? You can come to your own conclusions, it doesn't affect me.

As I pointedly said, this is only about me enquiring as to whether other people think the same as me. To me, it would be passable if they were struggling or had never or rarely been on holiday, but the fact their situation is the polar opposite, made me think, really, you'd actually ask for money? :-/

God help if I got that invite. Living in a flat with no plants! Ultimately everyone is going to have a different idea of what they think is 'grabby'.

You can say no gifts, and you'll still get some - but no one knew what to get so you'll end up with a load of shit you don't want or need. I'd much rather have something to contribute to. Sure go for more artsy make something or whatever, but thats my worst nightmare as a non-artsy person. Chuck a few quid into something that requires little thought is my preference! Call me lazy or whatever but I am busy enough without trying to decipher what the married couple may want.

I don't think you sound grumpy, just realistic! Hope you enjoy the wedding.

Why do I give two hoots what faceless online strangers think? You can come to your own conclusions, it doesn't affect me

Erm, because you've come on a public forum to ask faceless online strangers what they think? And yes, we have come to our own conclusions and I think it might have affected you a little or you wouldn't be getting so wound up about it.

Go have a lie down. Goodnight

A good way around this is to decline invitations from people you can’t stand and only accept them from people you wish well and would want to buy a gift for on an occasion as special and important as a marriage.

It’s incredible how many people who would think it rude to turn up for a random barbecue or drinks party empty handed get so frothy about giving wedding gifts. If you don’t like someone enough to buy them a wedding gift then you have no business at the wedding.

(in the interests of full disclosure I really have no skin in the game. It’s not normal in my culture to do gift lists or twee poems so my wedding invitations did not include them. That’s not because I didn’t expect gifts, I think it’s fairly universal for a bride/groom to receive gifts from guests.)

You lost me when you said about how much they earn so basically they don’t need it so I voted yabu but I hate the thing I’d asking for money. Most people nowadays will give it anyway, so what if someone gives you a gift instead!!

Thanks! :-D

As I've said, I'd have no problem putting money into a card, I just think it's tasteless into mention it. People who are going can surmise themselves that the couple have their material possessions sorted and that cash/a voucher/a thoughtful personal gift, would be the better course of action.

Some people care more about their own enjoyment of selecting "thoughtful gifts" than about what the recipients want.

The gifts etiquette is obviously outdated, as people live together before weddings and household equipment is much easier to get nowadays. Sticking to it just to feel moral is self-indulgent.

I like the "towards honeymoon" concept, as it turns generic money to something specific.
Obviously they have already paid for their holidays, this is just a small extra on the side.

It's fine. It's no different than a gift list. They don't want stuff, they want to travel and enjoy some time together. You never have to buy a gift if you can't afford it or don't want to.

I had friends who got married a few years ago. They'd literally lived together for like 10 years. They owned their own home (about 12 years before dh and I could afford to buy one). They'd had it re-decorated on one of those tv shows that sends in a crew to completely re-do an entire house in like 4 days, so it was a gorgeous house. One of their gift list items was, no joke, a silver cat food bowl, like some crazy designer cat shit. Now I personally bought them a sautee pan because I could not afford a silver cat food bowl and just on principle, it was pretty ridiculous. But totally fine to ask for it. They had towels and bedding and a nice duvet already, so clearly, they really wanted a posh cat bowl and that's okay, even if not my cup of tea.

Completely agree. Why don't people suggest buying a goat/chickens/clean water system via Oxfam or contribute to Battersea or whatever. Or ask for special books with a handwritten message that are meaningful that they can enjoy reading and will cherish. Getting married is about the couple's love and commitment, not about getting free holidays and stuff.

I don’t see anything wrong with this personally. Makes life much easier.

I remember receiving a gift list once, with many specific items from a certain high end store. All of the reasonably priced gifts (under £100) had been snapped up by other guests quickly, leaving me with some very expensive choices to pick from. That was awkward. I’ll take the option to give cash any day.

I care what they think about the question I have posed. I don't care for what they assume about me - they know precious little about me. Some people take a small amount of information and run with it, weaving a large web of absolute bollocks that they have no idea about. How vary dare they.

You are obviously going to give a wedding gift at a wedding.
So why not give something that these people who like you enough to want to share their day with you a gift that they actually want.
What possible benefit is there to giving someone who are meant to like something they don't actually want?
Why is clearly stating what you would like to be gifted so terrible?

Agree on the birthday thing, so no idea why it’s suddenly acceptable for weddings. I don’t give a hoot what people expect or what etiquette demands. If I’m asked/given a demand for money or a gift you can guarantee I’m turning up with a big box of fuck all.

Some people agree that mentioning cash is crass. Everyone is entitled to their opinion of course. :-)

Night all!