Wedding invitation - please give us your money (basically)

[Truestorypeeps]

Received a second wedding invitation in a row which mentions words to the affect of, we would very much appreciate money towards our honeymoon as a gift. I personally couldn't physically write this in an invitation as it just feels presumptuous and tasteless.

Maybe this last invite got my back up as this couple have been together well over ten years, already have children, earn c.150k between them, massive house and already go on countless holidays at home and abroad. They could have easily omitted such a line from the invite. I understand they don't want toasters and towels, but surely there's another way?! E.g. heading, 'wedding gifts', below - 'your presence at our wedding would be more than enough, but if you'd like to gift us something to mark this day, please give a donation to XYZ charity which is close to our hearts because of XYZ??? Owing to the fact they are bloody rolling in it.

You wouldn't go to a wedding and not buy a gift they know how much a toaster is ffs.

They don't need things so this is the best way.

Either don't go - - sounds a proper misery anyway - -

Or send then some money

I really really don't mind if people ask for money. It's no worse and no more grabby than a gift registry. As long as it's a straight to the point line like in OP's case and not some naff, twee poem.

It is a bit grabby I agree but I think it avoids people gifting them toasters or personalised tat that will just go in the bin. I’m actually getting married soon myself, have specified no gifts on the invitations but starting to regret that now, give me cash please😂

This

I’m surprised at how frothy some folks have got. Even one person claiming they only go to weddings for the bride and grooms benefit,like their presence is a gift and they are doing them a favour. To their own family and friends too. The concept of going to celebrate with them is foreign and alien, 😂

and then acting like gifting at a wedding is some how unusual . Starts to tie to those who go on about having no friends, don’t answer their doors, don’t answer their phones, and none of their colleagues or the other school parents want to spend time with them. There must be some overlap there.

@Awooga The most interesting thing about presents, I found, was the (often unsuspected) attitudes of the givers. People I expected to be generous were horribly mean; people I expected to give us a small gift gave us an expensive one; some people put conditions on the money they gave us, telling us what to spend it on; some gave very sweet gifts which they picked out themselves & I loved; one old bag misunderstood what I'd written on my very modest wedding list, bought something more than she should have done had she followed the list & then bitched about me to relatives, saying I'd been devious & cheated to get more then I should have had!! It takes all sorts.

Friend of a friend did this.
Put the reference number of the honeymoon holiday in the invite as well.
Bride checked a couple of weeks before the wedding who contributed and how much.
She actually asked a bridesmaid (my friend) who had already paid for her bridesmaid dress and shoes, room at the wedding hotel night before (bride said she had to stay there) and various other things why she had ‘only’ given £X amount !
Bride wanted her to at least double it.

Dreadful.

Honestly, given that you have such malice towards these people, the best thing for you to do would be to decline the invitation. Rank hypocrisy for you to go, loathing them as you do and resenting their good fortune. How will you spend the wedding? Seething at the quality of the champagne that they can afford to serve their guests? You won’t enjoy their hospitality - it’ll just be another opportunity for you to criticise them.

At least you didn’t get a poem!

Should say a badly written poem!

It’s crass.

Classy people don’t mention gifts at all, or a simple “your presence is the only present we desire” is all that is required.

My friend recently sent an invite as per the above, and I was so proud of her.
I will still put a £note in the card, obviously.

😂🤮 terrible!

Very tacky and very grabby to put it on an invitation.
Nobody I know actually buys a gift for a wedding anymore. I mean WHO would go out and buy someone a toaster or a tacky photo frame in this day and age.

Sorry but you have no idea of their finances. They may earn well, but you have no idea of their outgoings.
I also wouldn't dream of turning up to a wedding and having a 3 course meal paid for and usually some drinks without giving a gift. If you are judging them for not donating to charity then yoh shouldn't be going to the wedding at all.
It makes you look tacky

Toe curlingly cringe.

Oh please… of all the things to worry about! If you don’t want to contribute to their honeymoon don’t.

We had been together 8 years when we got married and put something similar in because we didn’t want a bunch of stuff we didn’t want/wouldn’t use. We aren’t as high earners as the couple in this case, but, if people wanted to contribute, we wanted it to be for soemthing we would and enjoy and be able to say ‘our wedding guests helped us do this’ and think about that fondly.

Some guests gave money, some guests gave champagne, a couple of guests gave us beautiful handmade items because they know us super well so nailed it. We were grateful for the people that came to celebrate with us whether they gifted us anything or not, but we were also super grateful to those that contributed money to help us extend our home as it’s our forever home and we look forward to welcoming them into our home regularly to enjoy it with us.

This is the absolute norm in other countries. I've never really understood why British people get so hung up on this. In Spain it's normal to give the cost of your wedding meal, so as a couple around 200€ (100€ each). If you give £50 (which in the U.K. would be more than generous) it's nothing when you think of how much money they're spending on the wedding. Better to give that than something they don't need/want or isn't their taste.

They're getting married, it's their special day. Money towards something they want is much better than junk for the landfill.🤷‍♀️
.

Bride and grooms honestly can’t win on here!

the only way some wedding guests on here would be happy is if they and their children were literally PAID to attend. And I bet even then they would find something to moan about!

I don't like wedding gift lists, usually overpriced at least money you can choose how much. Don't go if your that offended

If you're that unhappy about it just don't go. It doesn't sound like you like them very much anyway.

We had the same with someone who paid £150k for their wedding, yes, you read that right! They asked for donations to their honeymoon. We gave what we could afford and never got a thank you. That gets my goat more than the asking for a donation.

We did the same.. because we knew people would ask and we didn’t need anything. If you’re not happy, don’t go! No biggie!

I've never really understood why British people get so hung up on this.

It's actually quite a new thing to get pissy about wedding gifts and I think it's especially bad on MN where there's such a class/wealth obsession. It's completely normal in human history around the world to give a gift to a newlywed couple, just as it's normal for them to feed and water you and offer you favours in thanks for celebrating with them.

The sniping disguises itself as morality (with its roots in classism, naturally), but it's nothing so noble.

This, but OP wants to go eat food and drink all she can (and probably stick leftovers in a bag to take home). And the moan on another thread she didnt even enjoy herself.