Wedding invitation - please give us your money (basically)

[Truestorypeeps]

Received a second wedding invitation in a row which mentions words to the affect of, we would very much appreciate money towards our honeymoon as a gift. I personally couldn't physically write this in an invitation as it just feels presumptuous and tasteless.

Maybe this last invite got my back up as this couple have been together well over ten years, already have children, earn c.150k between them, massive house and already go on countless holidays at home and abroad. They could have easily omitted such a line from the invite. I understand they don't want toasters and towels, but surely there's another way?! E.g. heading, 'wedding gifts', below - 'your presence at our wedding would be more than enough, but if you'd like to gift us something to mark this day, please give a donation to XYZ charity which is close to our hearts because of XYZ??? Owing to the fact they are bloody rolling in it.

'but then I don't think either wording is grabby, just practical and realistic'

I agree, just avoid tacky poems! I don't get the angst over this. You've been invited to a wedding, OF COURSE you should be planning to get them something, and it's entirely understandable that they don't want 'stuff'. I think it's really helpful to be told what they would like, whether it's honeymoon donations or John Lewis vouchers or whatever

I’d prefer to give money to be honest - I think then you can actually give what is within your budget.

I’ve known one invite that had a number of ‘experiences’ on it for on the couples honeymoon. Not one was under the £150 mark!!! Some £300-400 each. Meal on the beach, that sort of thing. They split up literally weeks after the honeymoon and the groom has since remarried and surprise surprise, had exactly the same request on his new wedding invite 😂

This was a huge discussion topic when we were planning our wedding invites (get married next week!). We both agreed that it was tasteless so we wrote this on our wedding website “We don't have a gift registry. Your presence is enough but if you really insist on a gift or money, whatever you choose we will appreciate it” but people keep asking us what we want 🙈 we have lived together for 6 years so there is nothing that we need for the house so money is probably the best choice if people really insist on a gift (which people have been doing). One nice idea that a friend asked for when people asked what they wanted as a gift was restaurant vouchers for some nice restaurants around London. The couple have been having lots of lovely date nights since!

Still wouldn't do it myself but each to their own.

Ok, no one is allowed to talk about anything that people would have been talking about 40 years ago. Thanks for clearing that up.

I don't understand how it's any more tacky than a 'buy me this material shite' list tbh, but each to their own. And there's never cheap options for those less well off on these lists.

Easier, faster, more budget appropriate. I can't see the problem tbh.

It's more that this has been the convention for so long that to call it rude and grabby etc etc is effectively a comment on society in general now...and perhaps you mean it to be, but do you have the same criticism of all the other cultures that openly give money, even pinning it to the bride or having a large pot in the reception for it?

The point of convention and etiquette is so that people know how to behave and don't accidentally cause offence. You do it because that's how it's done. Of course things change over time but gift lists and requests for any gifts to be as money just aren't new and they're established conventions now.

And unless you object to giving a couple a wedding gift as an invited guest, or don't care about what would be actually useful to them - and to be fair, this is actually how a lot of posters seem to feel - it's hard to see what's so offensive. Human cultures the world over and throughout history have marked weddings and made gift giving a part of them. It's just downright bloody weird that Britain nowadays seems to be the only place where this is so objectionable to some people.

Yes, CoL crisis etc but that's not what these people are complaining about. They're objecting to the very idea of there being any expectation at any level that if you go to a wedding, you bring something for the couple, or that the couple should answer the very obvious question of "what would you like?".

Please ignore everyone who says’ ‘ you don’t like them, you’re jealous’ blah blah blah. It IS rude and tacky to ask for money, whether you are comfortable financially or not. If you can’t afford a fucking holiday then don’t have one. No way would I pay for someone else to go away. And NO FUCKING WAY would I expect presents when I have everything I need already. Wedding gifts are for setting up new households, not for greedy twats.

I think the poems are cheesy. If i received an invitation which no mention of gift or cash, i would gift cash regardless. Think the last wedding i went to had some kind of variation of 'no boxed gifts'.
I think the mentioning of cash on evening invitations is especially tacky.

Wedding gifts are for setting up new households, not for greedy twats.
I mean sure, you can think that and be reall

Stupid phone.

I was trying to say, you can think that and be really angry about it but I think most people think wedding presents are for everyone getting married. Not just those setting up a new home.

So why is it different to pay for someone's fucking toaster that they want and not someone's fucking holiday. Just swearing as PP did in relation to holidays 😂

Wedding gifts are for setting up new households, not for greedy twats.

My wedding gifts included National Trust membership, outdoor gear and a collector's edition of one of my favourite books. Nothing to do with setting up a new household. Should I not have been grateful? Did those givers get it wrong?

I swear there's something cultural about this spiteful, mean-spirited attitude to gift giving that completely misses the point of what it's supposed to be. I've never known it anywhere else.

Well you won't be funding them if you don't go will you?

Perhaps you could decline the invitation and tell them why. Bet you don't though.

A wedding I’m invited to we have to bring our own booze.. no bar or anything, just bring your own booze.. and they’ve also asked for money after being abroad 3 times this year already 😅

I haven’t mentioned anything at all in my invitations about gifts or money. The cheesy poems that ask for money instead of gifts make me want to vomit. Plus, it makes you look grabby. It’s pretty common knowledge that it’s nice to take a card/money/gift to someone’s wedding if invited.. so let people do as they please. I wouldn’t want any of guests feeling like they have to gift us anything than their presence on the day.

Plus, those who are hard up may feel rude if they can’t afford to give us anything, I don’t want anyone feeling guilty 😅

I don't being asked to give money, I'd rather choose a gift from a gift list.

We just added the gift list details to our invites, no coy message about your presence is present enough etc. Let people decide if they wanted to give a gift and if so, there was a big range of things across all price points. Some people still gave money or a gift of their choosing which was all gratefully received and appreciated.

We loved collating our list and really appreciated all our lovely gifts. They were things we wouldn't have bought ourselves and a lot will become heirlooms for our child. Much better than yet another honeymoon donation in my opinion.

I hate the charity ones myself. I want to get the newlyweds a gift and if they have everything they need then I’d happily contribute to the honeymoon. You don’t have to, I have bought other gifts for certain couples that I thought they’d like.

Yep, pretty much nobody in the UK lives in a household with their partner before they get married. Virtually unheard of...

Some of you seriously need better things to worry about 🤣. Imagine frothing with this much outrage because someone has said, if you are going to get them a present, they'd prefer money.

Money for weddings is completely and utterly normal in my culture and many others.

You can’t win these days. I always felt uncomfortable with both a gift registry or asking for money. All feels very presumptive.

Going back 20 years we tried similar as we had our house and didn’t really need anything so suggested money towards the honeymoon. We did it as others had done it so we were being recommended it by the people we were inviting. But it didn’t work out as other had suggested. We ended up with several bottles of champagne (and people know I don’t drink), some cash paid to us, some cash taken to the travel agent for us (that was also a thing to give travel agent details back then) but the cash we received was mostly £5-10 (in a card and to the agent ) and nowhere near covered any of our honeymoon costs.

I often struggle with a gift registry as sometimes the gifts are out of my price range or I’ll buy one of the mugs in a set of 6 which comes across stingy.

I’m not sure about the charity thing. Rich people can still receive gifts (including cash).

I think people will give what they want at the end of the day. I know someone who asked for no gifts at a birthday party for their child but to instead bring an unwrapped gift for a children’s charity and ended up receiving both a charity gift and one for their child as people couldn’t bring themselves not to gift the child. I know adults are different but the principle is the same if being directed with gift giving.

If they’re ‘greedy twats’ why the hell are you even going to their wedding?

Attending a function hosted by someone that considers you to be close to them yet you despise and calling them derogatory names behind their back... they’re not the twats here!

Wedding gifts are a gift for the couple getting married. In the past, it was customary to give and help them set up a new home. Current times have the majority of brides and grooms already having their own home before marriage in which case you are giving them a gift to thank them for being part of their day and wishing them all the best in the future. What they choose to spend it on is irrelevant

I gave an 'experience' gift to a wedding couple. They forgot about it and had to beg the provider for a last minute extension as it had to be used within 12 months. £100 nearly wasted, should have given cash.

I agree , I don’t know how people ask for money makes me wanna vom. I don’t think they have to give to charity but people shouldn’t think they have to give at all. Tough shit if you get a few mugs etc you didn’t want just give them away most likely they will get money anyway as it’s easier but to ask for it or anything in my opinion just isn’t required even more so when you arent just starting off , which surely was the traditional reason presents were given.

not for greedy twats

If you have accepted an invitation for a special day, are planning to eat someone's food, sample their drinks and think it is fine turn up empty handed the above description might be more appropriate for you as a guest.

Most people on MN seem to feel weddings are a massive inconvenience and they're doing the couple a huge favour by showing up at all. Bunch of miseries - I love a wedding!

This is my view, too. I'll join you in MN hell.

If a couple are stuck for cash & need guests to pay for their honeymoon, they need to go somewhere cheaper. If they've got tons of cash (more than the guests have, anyway), then they don't need the money for the honeymoon & it seems naff beyond imagining to ask for it.

A friend of mine who didn't need gifts just said no gifts. Everyone should do that.