Wedding invitation - please give us your money (basically)

[Truestorypeeps]

Received a second wedding invitation in a row which mentions words to the affect of, we would very much appreciate money towards our honeymoon as a gift. I personally couldn't physically write this in an invitation as it just feels presumptuous and tasteless.

Maybe this last invite got my back up as this couple have been together well over ten years, already have children, earn c.150k between them, massive house and already go on countless holidays at home and abroad. They could have easily omitted such a line from the invite. I understand they don't want toasters and towels, but surely there's another way?! E.g. heading, 'wedding gifts', below - 'your presence at our wedding would be more than enough, but if you'd like to gift us something to mark this day, please give a donation to XYZ charity which is close to our hearts because of XYZ??? Owing to the fact they are bloody rolling in it.

Be a laugh if it all got regifted back to them. Especially the personalised Mr and Mrs stuff.

Indian weddings often say, "no boxed gifts" - I like that, it doesn't sound grabby.

I'm not convinced it sounds any less grabby than what's already been mentioned on here - but then I don't think either wording is grabby, just practical and realistic.

As I've seen on other similar threads on here, though, it does cause confusion amongst some people who aren't used to the 'no boxed gifts' phrase, as they sometimes assume they just don't want the box for whatever reason, but DO want the gift - so they remove the packaging and just leave an opened item on a table near the door!

Oh that is hilarious 😂

See now I find that tacky, that you'd just show up empty-handed. Even if I received an invite that said no gifts, I'd still take an expensive bottle of bubbles or a bottle of good whiskey or something. Afterall you're celebrating someone's wedding, why wouldn't you want to give them somehhing, afterall what a provilage to share in such a special day. A lot of miserable people on this thread

Last such invitation didn’t bother me at all. Young couple basically stating that they only had a very small flat with everything they needed (I.e..no room for more ‘stuff’) but if anyone would like to contribute to their honeymoon it would be very much appreciated.
Cash in a card is IMO the easiest option.

lol why is it a privilege to go to someone’s wedding? The whole thing is entirely for their benefit not mine! And I take people at face value, I wouldn’t say “no gifts” unless I genuinely didn’t want a gift, in the same way I don’t do the whole “oh we MUST meet for coffee” if I don’t actually want to meet up with someone again. That’s something I hate about British culture, the double meanings and not saying what you actually think, and I won’t do it. I don’t really care whether other people think that’s rude or tacky, I think it’s annoying and rude to say things you don’t mean. In all honesty I’d turn up empty handed regardless of what the invite said because I believe gift giving should be entirely the choice of the giver, not something you demand of people.

Me too. We didn’t ask for anything.
It is very tacky to ask or hint at money.
However, I always give money as presents but I don’t like people putting the request in the invitation

But you are choosing to see guidance as a demand. I don't see it that way and thousands of others don't either. I see it as a polite steer from the couple that if you would like to get us something here's what we would really like. Perfectly sensible, much easier for the guest and it isn't a demand.

This insistence on faffing about and making your guests guess what you want under the guise of etiquette is just silly.

Well if they don't, they will have 100 people saying "where is the gift registry/do you want cash".
Most people expect to buy a gift or give cash. It saves hassle around. I'm far happier popping cash in a card and sticking it in the post box thing at the reception. My nephew got married recently. He is in his 30s, no kids, needs nothing. Happy to give them some cash to spend on a honeymoon or just to offset some of the wedding costs.
But then I don't go looking for things to be offended by.

Only in Britain is it "tacky" to ask for money or gifts. In many many cultures, this is expected. If you don't want to give money then don't. They probably wont notice! It's hard to keep track of who gives what unless you write it down. Or just give a bottle of champers/whisky. Also people know that it often costs money to go to a wedding and just want you to celebrate with them.

Things have changed a bit but when my parents got married in New York (american here) in 1978, my mother had a wedding shower prior to the wedding. This is when you shower the bride with gifts. Then on the wedding day, they had bag which was for the money. (Think goodfellas) they literally got wads of cash in envelopes. Not everyone does this but there is even a formula for how much to give at a wedding, bar mitzah etc based on how much you think it cost the host to put on the event per person 😂😂 I know the UK has a different culture, but there is still a gift giving culture and people don't like to turn up empty handed. Cash is preferable to mindless consumption on shit the couple don't need.

I don't see the big deal. I don't mind contributing to their first holiday as a married couple as a gift. Such experiences are much better than salt and pepper shakers.

I think traditionally in the generation a bit older than me, it was rude to mention gifts at all but people knew to contact the mother of the bride (in the days when parents did the inviting), to ask for the wedding list. It would now be a bit random to contact the bride's family (unless you already know them) so people are more direct?

I know the UK has a different culture, but there is still a gift giving culture and people don't like to turn up empty handed. Cash is preferable to mindless consumption on shit the couple don't need.

I think this is a great way of putting it.

The UK is a present giving culture, and like in many societies weddings are important. The circumstances that gave rise to the more traditional etiquette no longer exist, but the importance of gifts and weddings have persisted. That part hasn't changed. So there's this halfway house at the moment, until a new etiquette that accurately reflects 21st century society fully embeds.

I also hate giving money, it puts people on the spot and then they may have high expectations if they know you have a good financial position.

I think that this can break friendships if you're close to them and don't give them as much money as they would expect.

Just go with a gift, you can say you bought it prior to receiving the wedding invitations (if you knew about it earlier).

I don’t see anything wrong with advising cash if people do want to give something. It saves the hassle of people asking or risking getting a bunch of stuff that will clutter up your house that you don’t need. A family member did exactly that last year, I was perfectly happy slipping some cash into a card to pop in the postbox at reception. Job done and everyone is happy.

Hi OP. My husband and I lived together for 6-7 years before our wedding and had no need for photo frames and a toaster etc. We had an amazing honeymoon booked. Slight difference to this scenario though, we had a gift list with the travel provider that guests could, if inclined, contribute towards. Essentially vouchers. Would this be more agreeable than just asking for the cash?

Controversial opinion but I would never ask on an invitation, regardless of income. We didn’t mention gifts at all. I just couldn’t. Even seeing on another person’s invitation makes me cringe. Sorry but I’m just being honest.

My two favourites over the last few years have been:

1. “There will be a cash pot at our reception for gifts.” No beating around the bush.
2. After some usual cliched preamble, “We would like donations.” I wasn’t acting stupid but I genuinely said to my husband , “How generous of them. I wonder which charity is their preference.” Turns out the charity of their preference was… er, them. 😂 Lovely euphemism.

Someone who expects more than they were gifted isn’t a true friend. They are inviting you to celebrate with them, not selling tickets to an event with a minimum contribution.

Equally someone who deliberately ignores their friends wishes and gifts them tat they specifically said they don’t want isn’t a friend either.

Ha! Most definitely not! In some people's eyes I might be tacky, but I am not THAT tacky! 😂

We had one or two who turned up to our wedding empty handed (not struggling financially at all). The only awkward part was that we thought their card/gift might have gone missing and we didn’t want to come across as rude by not acknowledging it in a thank you card. We ended up just thanking them for making the effort to come etc.

I agree. We mostly got money but also some really thoughtful experience gifts which my husband and I would never have done otherwise. We have such fond memories of when we went to classes and certain niche restaurants and they helped kind of extend the honeymoon period.

What a ridiculous response. You’re just encouraging more waste and tat in the world.

Present giving isn’t just about fulfilling a need, it’s about showing love and wanting the recipient to have something nice in their life. Just do that for these friends you claim to like, instead of wanting them to receive stuff they don’t need or want and then have the hassle of passing it all on.

You say you’re glad it’s not just you. Of course it’s not. This has been standard for decades now. Some people don’t care, others like you get worked up. How is this still a talking point after 40-some years?

Ha! Most definitely not! In some people's eyes I might be tacky, but I am not THAT tacky! 😂

Booo, you're no fun

Haven’t RTFT but my partner is from (Eastern) Europe and it’s customary to gift money there. Are they British?