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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To complain about my wedding cake?

218 replies

Woolloomooloo · 10/05/2023 20:11

We got married a few weeks ago and had a perfect day with just one exception - the wedding cake wasn’t really what we had agreed with the supplier in terms of design.

I had sent her an example photo of a cake that we liked the style of but it had one subtle design feature on the top tier which we didn’t like. We asked her to copy the cake but omit this detail and it said this on the invoice.

We also asked for the same finish as the cake in the photo but with more vibrant, stronger colouration to it.

On the day we ended up with a lovely looking cake, but the colours were not vibrant and the detail we wanted omitting was included!

The cake cost us in the region of £500!

So my question is AIBU to raise it with her?

Or do I just accept the rest of the day was perfect and get over it?

OP posts:
Hadjab · 12/05/2023 11:45

GCWorkNightmare · 12/05/2023 07:14

Mine too! 19 years ago. £1k well spent. (£130 of that was transport from Brighton.)

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Me three! 4 tiers of chocolate heaven 😋

Catspyjamas17 · 12/05/2023 11:50

It sounds pretty minor. I didn't really get the cake I wanted as I just wanted a plain iced tiered chocolate cake and to use fresh flowers which matched the bouquet to decorate each tier. We were quoted £500 for that nearly 20 years ago! MIL very kindly offered to make the cake instead and did a fantastic job, but it had to be a fruit cake as she could only make it in advance. Couldn't get the flowers on the day though so just used plastic ones, with the cake topper I'd made from Fimo. It wasn't exactly what I wanted but the cake still looked good and tasted delicious, that was the main thing.

burnoutbabe · 12/05/2023 12:01

Whiteroomjoy · 12/05/2023 11:11

There’s nothing wrong with giving feedback and having a discussion with baker about the issues- more as a lesson learnt exercise for the baker. But if you ate it I’d think getting refund is not what you should ask for. A decent baker will apologise for messing up and that’s really all you can expect at this stage.
or she might not apologise and say your instructions were just too vague, or something else like you should have asked to check before the day even by video link. Then the learnings on you to take note of - check stuff before buying and ensure you are explicitly clear when ordering, in writing, pictures, exact colours etc f they matter to you

But the not wanted item was stated on the invoice sent by the baker. It seems very clear cut!

If they don't apologise properly, then it sure deserves a bad review -clear lack of attention to detail which could be far more serious in future (allergies for example)

grannygailolivia · 12/05/2023 12:04

Perhaps she knew as a family member that there would be people at the wedding who did like fruit cake & decided to at least give them something they would enjoy, or did you not want your relatives to enjoy the day.? Personally I cannot stand fruit cake, but we had one at our wedding as that was what a wedding cake was traditionally made from & what all the guests expected.

Blossomtoes · 12/05/2023 12:10

Efficaciou5 · 11/05/2023 20:17

So, now the honeymoon's over, you're looking for something to complain about, and for something to gain ...

Having enjoyed your "perfect day" , in what way do you think you could benefit from complaining about your wedding cake.

You've already stated that you had the perfect day. Why not remember it as such and just leave it there.

Any protracted discussions about the cake could only marr the occasion, even if they resulted in a full refund, and since some of the points you mention are subjective this would very doubtfully be the outcome.

Paying £500 for a £20 cake is all part and parcel of the wedding malarkey which everyone goes through during the process.

Enjoy your happiness and try to focus on more positive things.

Spot on. It’s a cake. It’s been eaten. Just let it go.

PinkyFlamingo · 12/05/2023 12:11

Pinkfluff76 · 12/05/2023 07:58

£500 for a cake is ridiculous! And as for the baker saying if you want a cheap cake go to M&S… you could buy ten cakes and still have a WHOLE lot of change so what a daft thing to say!

No it really isn't. M and S do lovely wedding cakes that won't cost £500. But they won't be the same as a £500 4 tiered cake with handmade flowers for example. You get what you pay for and what you want.

TreesOutsideTheWindow · 12/05/2023 12:15

Of course I would raise it! I wouldn’t need to ask anyone’s advice. You paid for an inferior product.

mezlou84 · 12/05/2023 12:27

You should of raised it there and then or latest the day after receiving the cake. Raising after it's all been eaten and all is said and done is unreasonable as there is nothing they can do to rectify it or do anything to make you a little happier with the cake. If done there and then you could of possibly had some money knocked off or some buns/cake pops for tables or something added on for nothing. Going on will be making you more unhappy with the day specially with nothing to be done about it x

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/05/2023 12:37

Some people here must have money to burn if they can be so dismissive and afraid to complain about a product costing £500! If it wasn’t right - bring it to their attention. perfectly understandable that you wouldn’t have done so on the day OP - you’ll have had a million other things to think about and sort, plus was probably busy with hair makeup photos etc

Blossomtoes · 12/05/2023 12:38

TreesOutsideTheWindow · 12/05/2023 12:15

Of course I would raise it! I wouldn’t need to ask anyone’s advice. You paid for an inferior product.

No she didn’t. She paid for a product that was slightly different in appearance from her specification. A difference that only she would have known about, let alone noticed.

ZoraMipha · 12/05/2023 12:52

Whiteroomjoy · 12/05/2023 11:21

I think the poster is making the point that spending that much money on any 1 single item of food is obscene. It just get eaten, nobody much notices, it makes a good photo that’ll soon be forgotten by all the guests.
you make a living due to demand and you can match supply and costs to that. If people just rocked up everywhere asking for simple decoration basic cakes, that’s all you’d supply at a much cheaper price as labour would be less without the skilled decoration. You’d also use cheaper sourced raw materials. Your business is aimed at meeting demand for high cost wedding cakes that are part of a lot of people’s wedding expectations nowadays thanks to social media.

It wasn’t always that way. Even when I married only the wealthy could afford fancy highly decaroated cakes. Most people had a couple of tiers of standard fruit cake, and some basic royal icing decoration with maybe a very small amount of basic sugarcwork (small bunch of flowers etc) . A local baker would do that as a set piece they churned out - very rarely bespoke.

so, no one is saying you’re work isn’t worth that . What some of us are saying is how the hell did we get to a point why anyone , except the extremely wealthy, would want such an elaborate cake that it needs your specialist skills and the time /materials costs associated with that. Cake is not worth it. Even for me who likes cake a lot

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Why does it bother you so much what other people choose to do with their money?

It's obviously worth it to them or they wouldn't buy it.

I wouldn't spend £500 on an item of clothing but some people do. Different strokes for different folks.

Antisocialfluffmonster · 12/05/2023 13:57

Pinkfluff76 · 12/05/2023 07:58

£500 for a cake is ridiculous! And as for the baker saying if you want a cheap cake go to M&S… you could buy ten cakes and still have a WHOLE lot of change so what a daft thing to say!

You could make that same argument about absolutely anything. I make pure silk crochet shawls. The fibre content alone costs me 50 quid and then weeks of very intricate work. If some numpty demands to buy one for £20 because they can get a scarf in Primark for £5 that doesn’t mean that the shawl is worth the same as a crappy primark one.

you couldn’t make the same thing yourself for that. Not even if you went out and tickled your own silk worms.

if someone can’t afford anything more than a primark scarf that’s totally ok, but not everyone is in the same position.

not everyone wants mass made off the shelf stuff, or cakes. Clutch your plastic pearls if you just, but don’t have a go at people who can afford to buy better and support makers / bakers by buying hand made

Whiteroomjoy · 12/05/2023 14:12

ZoraMipha · 12/05/2023 12:52

Why does it bother you so much what other people choose to do with their money?

It's obviously worth it to them or they wouldn't buy it.

I wouldn't spend £500 on an item of clothing but some people do. Different strokes for different folks.

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🙄am I bovered ?🤣🤣🤣

ZoraMipha · 12/05/2023 15:23

Whiteroomjoy · 12/05/2023 14:12

🙄am I bovered ?🤣🤣🤣

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Haven't heard anyone say that in about 15 years and not quite sure what you mean... but okay.

CindyCrawfoot · 12/05/2023 15:48

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/05/2023 10:03

@CindyCrawfoot

yeah, cos that would look good at a wedding!?

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I'm not suggesting it, I'm being amused by @Pinkfluff76 's suggestion of 10 M&S cakes being a good option for a wedding.

Emotionalsupportviper · 12/05/2023 18:00

GCWorkNightmare · 12/05/2023 10:33

I don’t get the love for them. Pappy over sweet sponge and very little flavour. 🤮

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But . . . but . . . they have lovely little faces. 🐛

Runwayw · 12/05/2023 18:12

Dibbydoos · 10/05/2023 23:08

Congratulations, OP!

I would provide feedback to the cake maker. I'd say you were disappointed your instructions weren't followed but obviously had to use the cake.

Don't pay until you hear back. They may offer a cost reduction esp as the cake is a big feature in wedding pics. Once they respond you need to decide to pay the invoice value or argue it more.

If nothing comes of the complaint ie they dont even reply, you could write an honest review on google. Make it a balanced review with positives as well as the issue included.

Good luck. The cake being wrong is a massive disappointment when it comes to wedding cake.

Don’t pay?! Wedding cakes are paid for months in advance.

Stewball01 · 23/05/2023 14:26

Shame but too late now. 😪

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