I can't cook in my own home

[Bambambino1]

I am sympathetic to my DH here but, this is getting ridiculous. I'm just keen to hear what others think about this and how you'd handle it.

Bit of background, my DH hates all food smells. Is stresses him out just thinking about it. I think more so than normal people (you know what I mean). On that basis, we pretty much only have oven cooked meals and pretty much the same thing most nights. He likes to eat a lot of fruit and veg separately to his main meals, but I'm not personally very good at that (so I'm almost certainly not getting the nutrients I need!)

We've been together 11 years. So for 11 years now I've pretty much not been able to do anything at all that involves frying food or cooking anything that smells bad. I've suggested an air fryer but apparently that makes the house smell. Slow cooker definitely a no-go on that basis. I can put a pizza in the oven, but not really make anything from scratch! He's basically in charge in the kitchen.

To clarify, this isn't a control thing on his part. He's just insistent that food smells will give him a mental breakdown, and he says this is linked to his mental health. I don't believe it's as bad as he says (maybe that's unreasonable of me), I just think he's almost convinced himself of it. We've argued today because I want to cook something tomorrow when he's in the office. He got very worked up about this because of how the house will smell. I said he can open windows, use the extractor fan, burn incense...I don't care what we do, I just want to cook something!!

Just, I don't want to go though my whole life not using my kitchen and cooking anything ever?!

I was just planning on cooking tomorrow when he was out anyway, and see how he copes when he gets home. Is that wrong?

Sorry, I do appreciate how this sounds but it's a genuine problem!

My daughter is like this. She can walk in the kitchen the second the pasta or rice starts simmering and know exactly what it is. She says "it sort of smells like water"

Without assessment it’s impossible to say - there are as many people living with anxiety and food restriction. ASD diagnosis depends on so many other things than simply sensitivity to smell and food restriction.

Not interested in your personal foibles. Vegetables have mild smells when cooked normally.

I have a strong sense of smell, can often smell things others cant but to me broccoli and cabbage are very strong smelling, as soon as the water starts to boil.

Your personal vegetable related smell standards are not the default, thus your sweeping statements of opinion have no value.

Do people still boil veg? I agree that some veg if boiled to death old school style has a smell, but I don't recall eating boiled veg as a child or adult - only ever steamed. Boiling spoils it.

He’s either a complete wanker or he needs help. Either way, YANBU. I’d start cooking what I wanted when I wanted and he can go out if he doesn’t like it.

Haha – my MIL likes to start her broccoli for a roast dinner at about 8am for a 2pm lunch. Ferociously boils the goodness out until the wallpaper is steamed off and the house is nicely pungent.

I'm not a huge fan of boiled personally, but DH adores it so it happens quite often in our house. But I'd eat it if it was served to me, it's not like an aversion.

Goading an argument over broccoli must be peak MN.

No-one gives a fuck how you feel about it so do stop going on about it.

My grandmother use to boil cabbage until it tasted of damp nappies.

Mmm, the time for this post was before you appointed yourself the grand supreme broccoli nostril I'm afraid. Bit of a cake and eating it situation for you now, if that doesn't open up another food related minefield.

I think boiling broccoli smells too, even when not over cooked 🤷🏻‍♀️

Very evocative!

I always boil cabbage, not over boil, just boil as the water makes the best gravy.

OP says partner has no problems with fruit and vegetables tho' it's not clear if he's eating the veg raw

But anyway he has a long list of different aversions to food smells, mode of cooking, food he will eat etc etc that she has largely been accommodating for 11 years

Def sounds like ND to me. Some form of sensory issue.
DS has that to some extent over certain smells but as long as it’s not next to him on the table it’s fine. He’d never say we couldn’t eat the food.
its bot fair your dh isn’t letting you cook at all. What about batch cooking at the weekend when he goes out? Then you’d only be heating up (not as smelly?).

I think we have the same MIL!!

Jesus Christ. There is no end to ruses of posters to make threads all about them. Broccoli is the latest and possibly the funniest.

My contribution to this mad derailment ends here.

That's a shame, your hypocrisy was a laugh.

How on earth are you meant to teach your son to cook - which is a life skill - if you can't cook in your own home?

Judging by everything else you're saying about him, he's a controlling, manipulative arsehole who just likes his own way. I'd show him the door and have a fucking fry up to celebrate.

I haven't read the full thread, but if your husband cannot cope with normal household activities, he needs to live alone.

Despite really enjoying the broccoli conversation, I wanted to interrupt and tell people that I just had a pork stir fry for lunch today and it was bloody amazing. I feel so alive. The smell of that food was SO DAMN GOOD. The backdoor is open, the plug in air fresheners are on...the chef's candles are to be delivered by Amazon in the next hour 😂 we have 7 hours to clear the smell. This is the start of something new, it felt so nice to make something 🥺

And I'm looking into getting a door!!

MH is not a get out of all things you don't like card. If he cared about you he would seek help as he would see what how his pathetic behaviour impacts you. But he doesn't. You deserve better.