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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious with school

209 replies

Margot78 · 10/05/2023 12:07

My child was very poorly this morning- sore throat, temperature and had been up most of last night. She had her SATs test due this morning but was zonked out so I explained to school that she was just too poorly to sit a test today. I was then bombarded with unpleasant calls from both her teacher and the headteacher demanding that I force her to come in. They implied that I didn’t care about her education and they said she would not be able to resit it and would get a zero. They just wouldn’t leave me alone. So I ended up dragging a sobbing child out of bed, forcing her to get dressed and get in the car. She took the test and then I picked her up. I know schools are under a lot of pressure but does that really excuse this kind of behaviour? Surely something is wrong with the system if this is acceptable, putting this amount of pressure on parents and children?

OP posts:
PartTimer923 · 10/05/2023 12:12

That is unreasonable. One SAT test score does not change her education! As far as I understand it, the score is used by secondary schools to group children by ability. In the absence of a test score, surely the school could just make a recommendation based on her performance over the last 6 years at the school!

lanthanum · 10/05/2023 12:13

If she's still ill tomorrow, do not be bullied into taking her in.

The score will not affect her education; the only thing the SATs scores are used for (apart from judging her current school) is to give an indication of expected future performance. In fact, it's probably better that she has an absent mark than a result which doesn't reflect her ability.

Sheepsheepeverywhere · 10/05/2023 12:14

My dd did her gcse's under a bout of tonsillitis...
Your dd will be fine.

romdowa · 10/05/2023 12:14

You were worse to take her in. Nobody forced you to do it. So I'd be furious with yourself

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 10/05/2023 12:15

Unforgivable behaviour but the school will be worried about the impact of her score on their results not about her future.

TuesandThursNero · 10/05/2023 12:15

This issue aside, what do you think of the school and what is your relationship like with the head and teacher?

Glitterbiscuits · 10/05/2023 12:16

They are teachers not the police. You should have left her in bed.

TuesandThursNero · 10/05/2023 12:16

No one other than a medical professional tells me what to do when it comes to my children’s health

lifeturnsonadime · 10/05/2023 12:17

SATS count for nothing apart from the school.

Neither of my kids did them.

I wouldn't have taken her.

KezzaMucklowe · 10/05/2023 12:17

SATS are a load of nonsense.
I'd bet that your DD would have achieved a solid pass which is why they wanted her in so badly.

Original poster
Margot78 · 10/05/2023 12:18

Sheepsheepeverywhere · 10/05/2023 12:14

My dd did her gcse's under a bout of tonsillitis...
Your dd will be fine.

I think it’s a little bit different with ten year olds though. They don’t really have the understanding of why they need to do it and it’s just upsetting for them when they’re forced to and feel unwell.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 10/05/2023 12:18

Would have been a flat no from me and turned phone off

KezzaMucklowe · 10/05/2023 12:19

I hope your dd feels better soon, definitely don't take any shit tomorrow.

KezzaMucklowe · 10/05/2023 12:19

Margot78 · 10/05/2023 12:18

I think it’s a little bit different with ten year olds though. They don’t really have the understanding of why they need to do it and it’s just upsetting for them when they’re forced to and feel unwell.

Show quote history

Of course it's massively different, but this is MN so that doesn't matter.

Original poster
Margot78 · 10/05/2023 12:20

TuesandThursNero · 10/05/2023 12:15

This issue aside, what do you think of the school and what is your relationship like with the head and teacher?

She is well known for being a dreadful headteacher but this is the first time I’ve had much to do with her.

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ZeroFuchsGiven · 10/05/2023 12:20

KezzaMucklowe · 10/05/2023 12:17

SATS are a load of nonsense.
I'd bet that your DD would have achieved a solid pass which is why they wanted her in so badly.

I agree with this, although my ds got the school bus every day to the next village they were so worried the bus would not turn up or break down the head teacher literally picked him up every day during SATS.

MissyB1 · 10/05/2023 12:20

The school didn’t drag your poorly child out of bed - you did! Why on earth did you do that?? You knew you were within your rights to keep her at home, you knew she was too poorly for school. All you had to do was stand your ground then ignore the phone.
My ds school doesn’t even do SATS.

Comefromaway · 10/05/2023 12:22

Sheepsheepeverywhere · 10/05/2023 12:14

My dd did her gcse's under a bout of tonsillitis...
Your dd will be fine.

There is a massive difference between an ill 16 year old and an ill 10/11 year old. An older child can usually cope better with feeling poorly. And tonsillitus has varying degrees of how bad it is. If it was really bad the school would apply for consideration or mark based on other papers.

Plus GCSE's actually matter whereas SATS do not.

TuesandThursNero · 10/05/2023 12:22

Margot78 · 10/05/2023 12:20

She is well known for being a dreadful headteacher but this is the first time I’ve had much to do with her.

Show quote history

And? Your relationship otherwise with the school and her teacher?

Original poster
Margot78 · 10/05/2023 12:23

I know I should have just turned the phone off and I regret it but I don’t deal well with confrontation and their actions caught me off my guard entirely. I’m at fault too that’s for sure.

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Flimpychunk · 10/05/2023 12:23

I think your anger is misdirected - as frustrating as school’s attitude was, she was only dragged out of bed and forced to get dressed because you made her.

I completely understand how hard it would have been to say no under a haranguing but if you didn’t think it was in her best interests, it was your job to be firm and stand up to them.

Stressedannni · 10/05/2023 12:24

Poor kid

Original poster
Margot78 · 10/05/2023 12:24

TuesandThursNero · 10/05/2023 12:22

And? Your relationship otherwise with the school and her teacher?

Show quote history

Sorry my relationship with the school has generally been fine, I don’t agree with how they go about a lot of things but I’ve never felt anger towards them like other parents do until now.

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Flimpychunk · 10/05/2023 12:24

It does sound like an awful way for a school to behave too. They were out of order for applying so much pressure.

Wolfiefan · 10/05/2023 12:25

They didn’t force her. If she was too unwell for school you should have just refused to take her in.