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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my boyfriend to pay for our holiday?

163 replies

popowowo · 09/05/2023 16:15

Boyfriend and I live together and generally split the bills for everything. This is despite him working and earning about £60k and for the last year me earning £0. I’ve been finishing a professional qualification that has eaten up ALL my savings and money (minus a bit of a deposit). But it does mean that come July my salary at work will go up a lot (to over £60k).

We have a holiday in the sun booked abroad. I paid for the flights for both of us (£400) and was going to deduct that from the hotel that we’d split. But I’m now the most skint I have ever been and was looking forward to this holiday before I start work. And I don’t have the cash to pay for the hotel or food when we’re there. I’ve suggested we book a cheapo hotel and self cater. And or that my boyfriend can pay for the holiday now, and once I start work I can pay him back over a month or two.

But he just wants to cancel it completely. Especially since he’s booked to “go away with the lads” too, he’s not interested in our trip.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 10/05/2023 08:26

I don’t think we know enough about this situation yet. To all those people who say the boyfriend should absolutely lend her the money for the holiday or treat her completely, would you still agree with that if the OP revealed that he had also been paying her share of bills/food for the last 6 months as she’d run out of money?

OP says they, generally split the bills for everything but doesn’t clarify if that’s this year whilst she’s been working or means they they used to split bills but he’s paid for the last year.

To be honest, if I was earning £0 in a cost of living crisis, I would be thinking now wasn’t the right time to have a holiday abroad. Cancel this and book a week’s leave a few months after you’ve been earning.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 10/05/2023 08:42

Yes I think that's a bit weird if him. If you do cancel make sure he still pays you for the now defunct flight until you get the money back.

Pussycatbeen · 10/05/2023 20:44

Mortimercat · 10/05/2023 04:25

Well then I don’t see why he should have to pay for you. I would never have expected a boyfriend to find my holiday. I also think if I had deliberately reduced my income to zero I would not have booked a holiday at all or I would have at the very least ring fenced funds to pay for it.

I think you are a CF and if a boyfriend of mine expected me to pay for his holiday, I’d be thinking of cancelling too. In fact if you had posted that your boyfriend deliberately reduced their income to zero and then expected you to pay for his holiday the chores of ltb would be resounding.

Show quote history

If you love someone, wouldn't you want to treat them to a holiday?!

Anyway, OP was asking to borrow the money, not be paid for.

PoseyFlump · 11/05/2023 07:09

Wow, what a sad world we live in where people are so inflexible in what is supposed to be a loving partnership and can't bend when things may change.

@Tellmeimcrazy exactly, well said 👏 some of the threads on MN make you realise what a selfish world we live in.

Mortimercat · 11/05/2023 07:13

Pussycatbeen · 10/05/2023 20:44

If you love someone, wouldn't you want to treat them to a holiday?!

Anyway, OP was asking to borrow the money, not be paid for.

Show quote history

I have already said what I think on this topic so why are you asking me a question I have just answered and you have reposted.

OP can borrow the money from a 0% credit card or better still cut her cloth accordingly and don’t book holidays when income is zero.

LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 11/05/2023 08:32

Can you get all your money back if you cancel? He definitely needs to reimburse you for the £400 no matter what as he agreed and is now canceling because he would rather go away with friends.
In the long run however, he is not someone you should want to be in a relationship with. That must be obvious to you. Perhaps get your money back, enjoying some time off at home. Take a nice holiday as soon as you can afford it. And exit this waste of time relationship when you can. He doesn't have your best interests at heart, and your partner is one person who should.

GoodChat · 11/05/2023 08:39

LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 11/05/2023 08:32

Can you get all your money back if you cancel? He definitely needs to reimburse you for the £400 no matter what as he agreed and is now canceling because he would rather go away with friends.
In the long run however, he is not someone you should want to be in a relationship with. That must be obvious to you. Perhaps get your money back, enjoying some time off at home. Take a nice holiday as soon as you can afford it. And exit this waste of time relationship when you can. He doesn't have your best interests at heart, and your partner is one person who should.

He's not cancelling because he'd rather go away with friends. He's cancelling because she can no longer pay her way.

Naunet · 11/05/2023 09:22

Cheesepleasemrclease · 09/05/2023 17:39

Of course they would

he’d be a cocklodger

Show quote history

Yeah because men who pay 50% of the bills and already paid out in full for the flights would definitely be called cocklodgers…🙄

Cc1998 · 11/05/2023 11:32

Naunet · 11/05/2023 09:22

Yeah because men who pay 50% of the bills and already paid out in full for the flights would definitely be called cocklodgers…🙄

Show quote history

PP was saying that the comments would be the other way around if this was a man posting. They'd be calling him a CL. Whereas people are saying how this woman is perfectly reasonable to bum off her boyfriend whilst she earns nothing!

Shinyandnew1 · 11/05/2023 11:51

How have you been paying 50% of bills for the last year, if you’ve been earning £0 and all your savings has gone on doing this professional qualification?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 11/05/2023 11:53

So many people berating the boyfriend without actually knowing how much of his money he has spare. If he booked his holiday with his mates based on what he could afford after his commitment to his share of the holiday with his partner then, he may simply not have enough to sub her or pay for her at the moment. They will be able to do the holiday they want to do in September so not long Very easy to be generous with someone else money.

Tellmeimcrazy · 11/05/2023 12:08

Shinyandnew1 · 11/05/2023 11:51

How have you been paying 50% of bills for the last year, if you’ve been earning £0 and all your savings has gone on doing this professional qualification?

She explained she had savings that covered bills and qualification

Pussycatbeen · 11/05/2023 16:37

Mortimercat · 11/05/2023 07:13

I have already said what I think on this topic so why are you asking me a question I have just answered and you have reposted.

OP can borrow the money from a 0% credit card or better still cut her cloth accordingly and don’t book holidays when income is zero.

Show quote history

You haven't mentioned love at all and the hypothetical relationship you describe sounds starkly lacking in love from my perspective, which is why I was asking. It makes no sense to me not to want to pay for or lend money to someone you love (my idea of a loving relationship is that you share, anyway, so lending wouldn't be a concept).

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