To be exasperated at fussy/picky eaters?

[Iloveabaconbutty]

Am I being unreasonable to be exasperated at "fussy eaters"? I was brought up to eat everything on my plate although as a concession my mum and dad said we were "allowed" not to like one thing - for me as a kid it was cheese I wasn't keen on (which as an adult I've actually grown to love). I also remember my mum's slight irritation - expressed lightheatedly and privately later on - at the schoolfriend who came to tea who didn't like this, didn't like that, was picky about the other, etc. and basically left everything she had prepared on his plate.

I enjoy eating pretty much everything and we've tried to encourage out kids to be unfussy eaters too, encouraging them to "try it", when they were younger, instead of getting away with saying "no" in the first instance and finding that that was acceptable.

Except that one of our daughters, now a young adult, has quite a list of things she doesn't like and won't eat - bananas, baked beans, tomatoes, porridge, just for starters. There are a lot more things as well, with particularly strong tastes or particular textures. She's also very hesitant to try anything new or different and dislikes coffee and wine. Her boyfriend is the same which makes meal planning a bit of a challenge when he comes to stay.

I'm wondering now - having read a bit about it online and elsewhere - if I'm being unreasonable about this and if there are very real issues for some people when it comes to what tastes unpleasant? ie.they really, genuinely cannot help disliking quite a wide range of foods?

I realise that my parents were brought up in the post-war years, with rationing etc and to be a "fuss-pot" about food wouldn't have been appreciated. We were brought up like this too - and to the extent that I now appreciate a wide variety of food I'm very grateful. But is this so straightforward for some people?

I hate the taste, texture and smell of fish and seafood. It is just not palatable to me.

I completely understand and have done the same in that situation. I go without food rather than eat something I don't like and that doesn't bother me but some people get really wound up about it, even though it doesn't affect them

For me its because my mother was/still is a terrible cook, everything was burnt and mushed up. Also we were forced fed and made sit at the table for hours till we ate our dinner for hours on end. even now 40 years later the smell of roast beef makes me sick . don't even get me started on onic0pncs mashed into potatoes, revovolting. It wasnt until i met my now husband that i knew what good food cooked properly tasted like, ate peas and realized gravy doesn't have a layer of water sitting on top. We refuse point blank to go to dinner at my parents now as its so disgusting, i cringe when i see the leftovers at their house. But they are happy and have no issues eating it. Because of it growing up i detests cooking too. If someone makes a comment about my food it put me off straight away. I am one of these people that wish i didn't have to eat , dont have any issue skipping meals and can survive on sandwiches and cornflakes if need be. You are totally unreasonable

Let me say that I do understand that many people have issues with food that go far beyond a simple matter of preference or like/dislike. My own partner, soon to be husband, is physically disgusted by any kind of poultry, and fish. He has felt that way since childhood. The smell of frying fish from a chippy makes him feel sick. I, on the other hand will eat just about anything. I am not saying that to be 'smug'. I'm just lucky, I guess. There was one thing I recall not liking, and that was a French chitterling sausage thing, an andouillette de Troyes that I ordered in a restaurant there without knowing what it was. Smelt and tasted of the farmyard! I got it down, but never again! But what I really don't like is being called a 'gannet' or a 'human dustbin', as if I have no refinement or taste, by people who seem to think that disliking things makes them somehow refined or discriminating. Not neurodiverse people, let me make clear. There is a very 'dogmatic' person I work with, and he seems to think that if he thinks something, then it must be true for everyone. He once said 'I don't see how anyone can eat olives, courgettes, or anchovies - they are vile!'. I said mildly that I liked all of them, and he said, 'There must be something wrong with you', and he said it like he meant it. A shouting match developed, and my boss took me on one side and said 'Charlie, just let it go'.

I dont mind fussy eaters. Its their choice what they eat. Its all part of bodily autonomy for me.

However, i do think that the social norm has moved from politely eating what you could of what your host served, even if it wasnt quite to your taste, to the host politely trying to cater for everyones extensive quirks and foibles. Which actually can be a bit much sometimes! When im feeding larger groups, I do sometimes think ffs just eat the bits you like and fill up at home later. I'm not running a professional restsurant.

I'm a fussy/picky eater and I don't care what you or anyone else thinks. I was forced to eat things as a child and now I eat none of those things.

When I stayed with my gran when I was a child she repeatedly served me meals I wouldn't eat thinking that when I got hungry enough I'd eat it. She changed her mind after I passed out from not eating.

I have two kids, weaned and fed them both the same way, and on the same (wide) variety of food.

One is not at all fussy, and the other is very fussy. He reacts much more strongly to flavours and textures than his sister.

Sometimes it's the luck of the draw, and nothing to do with parenting!

I do find very fussy adults irritating though, or I would if I had to cook for them. So I don't!

I blame the parents.

What other medical issues do you 'blame the parents' for?

My comment was in response to the OP who is complaining about picky eaters and yet states that
one of our daughters, now a young adult, has quite a list of things she doesn't like and won't eat - bananas, baked beans, tomatoes, porridge, just for starters. There are a lot more things as well, with particularly strong tastes or particular textures. She's also very hesitant to try anything new or different and dislikes coffee and wine.
has the OP told us that her daughter has a medical condition?

And even if I wasn’t replying to the OP there are some parents that do create picky eaters that doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate that there are many others that don’t and are dealing with phobic children amongst many other reasons for their inability to eat certain foods.

has the OP told us that her daughter has a medical condition?

No they haven't but you do realise that some 'picky eaters' have an actual eating disorder and your comment came across as flippant and ignorant

and the fact the OP refers to strong flavours and textures suggests it's more than just being fussy.

For an adult daughter who doesn’t like porridge, wine, and baked beans?

And because you have a safe list of foods and cannot eat anything without a physical reaction you are understandably sensitive about the subject. My comment was not directed at you specifically, and neither is my next comment.

I have witnessed many parents who make every mealtime a drama and their poor child becomes overwhelmed because their parent can’t see what they’re doing and they don’t stand a chance.

What’s the point of this question though? If I lived in a poverty stricken/war torn country and I was made homeless or had to go to a refugee camp, I would probably be able to sleep outside with other people. That doesn’t mean I should chuck my bed away and sleep in a puddle on the street. I could probably drink dirty river water if it was all that was on offer and I couldn’t access anything else, but that doesn’t really enter my mind when I’m pouring myself a glass of cold water from the tap.

My son has suspected ASD and was diagnosed with ARFID recently. If his safe foods weren’t available, he would go without until he was genuinely starving. So no, he probably wouldn’t survive a famine or a war. Yes it drives me to despair at times and he himself is desperate to be “normal”. He described it to me as having a phobia. He said, “mum, if you had to eat a plate of spiders three times a day to survive, could you do it?”. It’s not fun for them.

I love cooking (and eating 😳) and lovingly made organic homemade baby purées, weaned all my children the same way. He used to gag and retch as a baby and wanted the same bland, predictable jarred food. My other son will try anything once.

I’m a super taster as well, so don’t like tea/coffee or wine. The tannins taste too bitter for me. Everyone has their likes and dislikes.

I think it’s fine to not like something but rude to expect others to accommodate you in the moment. I regularly encounter foods I don’t like as I work abroad in far flung places. If someone has cooked for you and shared what they have with you, then the correct response is to smile, show enthusiasm, try a bit and move on to something else on your plate. Anything else is lacks grace.

Apparently diplomats have to eat whatever they are given as part of the job, and they manage fine. And if people are genuinely hungry, they also eat whatever.

However, the ideal scenario is that people ask what you don’t like in advance and avoid feeding you that (as long as you don’t have a ridiculous list as long as your arm). Same goes for children - it is an important signifier of personal autonomy that they can choose what they eat.

Having said all this, I do massively judge people who live on oven chips and ketchup sandwiches. Like, did your tastebuds never evolve? Where is your adventure?

Did she happen to have a course of antibiotics around this time? Sometimes antibiotics wipe out so much of the gut good flora and then aggerwarfs you get an overgrowth of bad flora that aggevgs your sense of taste, it basically makes you eat the things that sustain it and it's usually carby/sugary stuff.

And if people are genuinely hungry, they also eat whatever.

Again, people with ARFID won't. We'd prefer to starve

Where is your adventure?
Also, why is having a varied diet synonymous with a sense of adventure?

I have a very restricted diet yet I'm very adventurous in all other aspects of my life.

I work in refugee camps and I’ve never come across someone who won’t eat what’s in front of them.

I work in refugee camps and I’ve never come across someone who won’t eat what’s in front of them..

Are you saying ARFID doesn't exist as an eating disorder?

Well if you've never met them they must not exist.