To be exasperated at fussy/picky eaters?

[Iloveabaconbutty]

Am I being unreasonable to be exasperated at "fussy eaters"? I was brought up to eat everything on my plate although as a concession my mum and dad said we were "allowed" not to like one thing - for me as a kid it was cheese I wasn't keen on (which as an adult I've actually grown to love). I also remember my mum's slight irritation - expressed lightheatedly and privately later on - at the schoolfriend who came to tea who didn't like this, didn't like that, was picky about the other, etc. and basically left everything she had prepared on his plate.

I enjoy eating pretty much everything and we've tried to encourage out kids to be unfussy eaters too, encouraging them to "try it", when they were younger, instead of getting away with saying "no" in the first instance and finding that that was acceptable.

Except that one of our daughters, now a young adult, has quite a list of things she doesn't like and won't eat - bananas, baked beans, tomatoes, porridge, just for starters. There are a lot more things as well, with particularly strong tastes or particular textures. She's also very hesitant to try anything new or different and dislikes coffee and wine. Her boyfriend is the same which makes meal planning a bit of a challenge when he comes to stay.

I'm wondering now - having read a bit about it online and elsewhere - if I'm being unreasonable about this and if there are very real issues for some people when it comes to what tastes unpleasant? ie.they really, genuinely cannot help disliking quite a wide range of foods?

I realise that my parents were brought up in the post-war years, with rationing etc and to be a "fuss-pot" about food wouldn't have been appreciated. We were brought up like this too - and to the extent that I now appreciate a wide variety of food I'm very grateful. But is this so straightforward for some people?

YABU.

When I was about 6, one breakfast time, I told my mother that I 'didn't like' black pudding. This must have been based on something other than its taste or texture, because I had never eaten any. She coaxed me into trying 'a tiny little bit' and I was instantly converted! She told me 'you never know whether you like something until you have tried it'. I told her about this thread and she said 'That method never worked on your sister - she had to go on Complan when she was eight, because she turned her nose up at everything'.

Why do people talk about telling people to 'grow up' in this situation.

I'm a fully functioning adult with a successful career, marriage, family etc. What I eat (or don't eat) doesn't make me any less a grown up than people who have a more varied diet.

My parents used to enforce clearing my plate, or at a minimum 'putting a good effort into eating it all'. Which meant I spent many dinner times sat at the table for 90 minutes, in tears, literally gagging on the food I couldn't stand the texture or taste of. I'm an incredibly fussy adult who isn't particularly willing to try unsafe foods as a result (I have got a little better in the last few years)

My kids are fussy as hell, even though I fed them a much more varied diet than mine (OH enjoys food and a variety of it) and encouraged them to try new things. But I always ensure that most of a meal is something they like and will eat, anything new or that we know they're not sold on they just have to try a little bit. If they're still hungry there's fruit or carrots.

OP could you switch your thinking round to make it more of a challenge? Be less of a "fussy cooker".

I love to cook so if I have someone coming over who is vegan or halal or some other diet, I like to see what new recipe I can try.

But the foods I like I really enjoy. It's not joyless for me.

It's just awkward and embarrassing when it's some 'everyday' foods - like most vegetables - that I can't eat.

But luckily my friends know and it's easy not to give me anything I can't eat, or we go out

I agree. There’s lots of things that I associate with being say, a 5 year old child or being an adult. The type of food eaten isn’t one of them. It’s ironic that they comment, ‘grow up’, when the lack of accepting people’s differences and preferences isn’t very mature at all.

I guess because it is normally small children who are fussy (I was), whereas adults have learned to develop a broader palate and realise the worst that can happen when you try new things is that you’re going to find the taste/texture disgusting.

The only foods I really don’t like are olives (the taste) and shellfish, offal, and roe (the concept). I still try those foods sometimes just to see if I can overcome it - olives are just beginning to grow on me slightly.

The thing is, if we lived in a war zone or there was a famine you can bet nobody would be a fussy eater. If offal was all that was available, I’d be eating that shiz. Fussy eating is a luxury, a spoiled rich person’s privilege, a first-world problem.

It can take more than 10 tries to develop a taste for something so you could end up loving olives!

I’m the same about roe and won’t even try it because I think I’d vomit in the spot!

Oh yes I would never be rude to someone who has cooked something. I do have a lot of normal meals I like, stuff like curry, shepherds pie, spag bol, roast dinners, fajitas etc. There is a big variety of foods I will eat and they are mostly quite simple meals so it really wouldn't be a huge task to make those sorts of things, especially for someone who isn't fussy so in theory could eat any of those.

But when I mention I don't like bacon, pizza or cheese it is met with shocked gasps and people asking what on earth I eat 😂🤦

When I was about 12 I overheard my mother talking about something being an 'acquired taste'. I asked her what that was, and she replied 'You know.. like olives or Guinness'. I knew I wouldn't be allowed Guinness but I asked to try an olive, a green one, and loved it. A few years later the same thing happened with Guinness.

Again, why is this relevant? Why is it relevant that people starving to death would eat baked beans, why does that mean that somebody who doesn’t like them and has other food should eat them? Do you live by this in daily life? You just go to the supermarket and pick up the first things you see, with no thought for preference, because you’d eat it if you were starving?

The thing is, if we lived in a war zone or there was a famine you can bet nobody would be a fussy eater. If offal was all that was available, I’d be eating that shiz. Fussy eating is a luxury, a spoiled rich person’s privilege, a first-world problem.

Yeah, no one has pointed that out yet. 🙄

I'm not spoiled or rich, I'm autistic. But whatever makes you feel superior.

The thing is, if we lived in a war zone or there was a famine you can bet nobody would be a fussy eater. If offal was all that was available, I’d be eating that shiz. Fussy eating is a luxury, a spoiled rich person’s privilege, a first-world problem.

Once again for the hard of thinking - this isn’t fucking relevant. The incredibly remote possibility that you might end up living in a war zone or somewhere hit by famine is no reason to eat food you hate now. People have eaten human flesh to survive in extreme circumstances, for heaven’s sake - that doesn’t mean that when Auntie Barbara pops her clogs we should wheel out the barbecue and start slicing burger baps.

Yes, if the choice was starving or eating a cucumber, I’d eat the fucking cucumber any day of the week. But I’m not going to eat one of the foul things just to prove how “terribly, terribly grateful” I am to have food when there’s a multitude of things I actually like I could eat instead.

Doesn't offal include brains? I’m glad something does…

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable in the way a lot of people are suggesting. It’s difficult to make a meal that suits everyone when people are picky eaters - because it feels like unnecessary effort when they don’t have an intolerance etc. I’d suggest making the dinners that you and your partner/whoever lives in the house will eat and since your daughter is an adult, have her make her own dinner if she won’t eat yours. Her boyfriend can do the same.

There are some things I can’t stand the texture of - mushrooms being one, although I like sauce/soup that has mushroom flavour in it.

I'm like that with bananas. I'll blend them and put them in a smoothie or a cake, but I can't cope with them otherwise. Potatoes are the same - the texture of some of them makes me heave, especially so if they're poorly cooked. When I'm cooking for my DP's daughter I'll check if it's flavour or texture she doesn't like. If it's flavour, I just don't cook with it. If it's texture, there are work rounds.

And with all the 'oh you'd eat it if you were starving' well, I might. I might be more inclined to try it. But I'm not starving, so why should I? It's not going to help someone who genuinely is starving if I attempt to eat something that will make me gag. The answer to starving people is to address issues of wealth and access, not to make the rest of us miserable too.

Added to which, in some cases, you might as well say 'you'd gnaw boot leather if you were starving'. Or tree bark or dog shit. These things aren't generally considered food stuffs by humans and for some humans, potatoes can be viewed in the same light.

But I don’t think it is ‘normally’ small children. That’s just a thing that some adults say so they can say really stupid shit to others or more likely about others, like ‘grow up’, for some weird superiority. It’s those people saying it that need to grow up and see the situation as it is. They just sound silly.

And I’m afraid it’s not just as simple as saying you would eat offal in a war zone. This shows how little you understand about people who can’t eat certain food and the variety of reasons for that.

Interesting that my comment has been deleted....

I guess it's okay to refer to people with eating disorders as having 'spoiled rich privilege' but being held to account for that is offensive.

My DP absolutely hates those little 'cornichon' gherkins. He calls them 'the work of the Devil'. I love them, and among our kids it's 50-50, either loving or hating. I'm not mad about radishes but DP and all the kids love them.

Absolutely people shouldn’t routinely eat things they don’t enjoy, life too short. The exception is if someone has gone to great lengths and great expense to prepare it. This happens a lot to me when I’m working abroad and the women of the house may have spent all day and blown the week’s shopping budget specifically for my visit, as a sign of welcome and hospitality. In those circumstances I’d eat whatever is in front of me (including meat in times of my life when I was vegetarian). Some things matter more than food aversion.

Also, just as ‘what if there was a war’ is a moot point, ‘I’d rather starve’ is also unrealistic. Hopefully the people who say this will never starve, and so will never put this to the test, but I’ve worked with people in extreme hunger and nobody’s holding out for oven chips. An agoraphobic ‘can’t’ leave the house, and I’m sure that feels true to them on a day to day basis, but you can bet they’d find a way if it was on fire. Fussy eaters are offended by this point though, because it turns their food aversion into a subjective ‘can’t’ rather than an objective one.

In those circumstances I’d eat whatever is in front of me (including meat in times of my life when I was vegetarian). Some things matter more than food aversion.

And if eating it would make you gag or even vomit?

An agoraphobic ‘can’t’ leave the house, and I’m sure that feels true to them on a day to day basis, but you can bet they’d find a way if it was on fire. Fussy eaters are offended by this point though, because it turns their food aversion into a subjective ‘can’t’ rather than an objective one.

Right, so you're not just ableist towards "fussy eaters".

@thekindlyone Yes, I would eat it if it made me gag. Mashed potato makes me gag and I have eaten it on specific occasions where it really mattered.

Nothing I said was ablest. You are demeaning the word by throwing it around so casually.

On what occasion would eating mashed potato really matter?

@SnowAtRedRocks in the precise circumstances I outlined earlier. Just read the thread.