To be exasperated at fussy/picky eaters?

[Iloveabaconbutty]

Am I being unreasonable to be exasperated at "fussy eaters"? I was brought up to eat everything on my plate although as a concession my mum and dad said we were "allowed" not to like one thing - for me as a kid it was cheese I wasn't keen on (which as an adult I've actually grown to love). I also remember my mum's slight irritation - expressed lightheatedly and privately later on - at the schoolfriend who came to tea who didn't like this, didn't like that, was picky about the other, etc. and basically left everything she had prepared on his plate.

I enjoy eating pretty much everything and we've tried to encourage out kids to be unfussy eaters too, encouraging them to "try it", when they were younger, instead of getting away with saying "no" in the first instance and finding that that was acceptable.

Except that one of our daughters, now a young adult, has quite a list of things she doesn't like and won't eat - bananas, baked beans, tomatoes, porridge, just for starters. There are a lot more things as well, with particularly strong tastes or particular textures. She's also very hesitant to try anything new or different and dislikes coffee and wine. Her boyfriend is the same which makes meal planning a bit of a challenge when he comes to stay.

I'm wondering now - having read a bit about it online and elsewhere - if I'm being unreasonable about this and if there are very real issues for some people when it comes to what tastes unpleasant? ie.they really, genuinely cannot help disliking quite a wide range of foods?

I realise that my parents were brought up in the post-war years, with rationing etc and to be a "fuss-pot" about food wouldn't have been appreciated. We were brought up like this too - and to the extent that I now appreciate a wide variety of food I'm very grateful. But is this so straightforward for some people?

Thank you @TheMoops for answering my question earlier. I had never heard of your condition and from your comments I have learned that where in the past I might have pushed someone to try something I won’t do that moving forward. I hope it becomes easier for you but if it doesn’t you sound like you have got it sorted.

I just love the 'I'm all right' smugness of people tiresome.

No empathy, no appreciation that not everyone's the same, no imagination

People should be grateful to have food to eat.
I am grateful to be able to eat the food I like to eat and grateful not to have to eat the food I don't.

Great. Ill tell my child with learning disabilities to fucking starve then 🙄 sounds like great parenting. Go and educate yourself. There is a reason times have moved on.

If I eat something I really can't abide (cauliflower for example) I would heave and heave till I was sick

And there is a difference between foods I dislike so wouldn't choose (curry) and foods I can't abide (offal. Most vegetables)

'These days'?

I'm nearly 70. I do eat more than ever I did as a child but I still don't touch one single food I was forced to eat

And don't for one minute think your kids eat everything because you insisted. You gave them the food and luckily they liked it. If it really made them feel sick, they wouldn't

Eh, where did I say I forced them to eat anything? If they didn't like something on their plate, they didn't eat it. Read it properly.

You only have your parents word for the fact that everyone ate what they were given. Plenty of kids were malnourished and picky eaters have always existed. My mum was slapped round the face by a teacher in primary school when she didn't want to eat something! Eating through discipline or fear is horrible, no wonder we have an obesity crisis. Listening to your body makes sense and even picky eaters eat plenty of things. For example my son hates potatoes but likes bread and pasta, however there are always many relatives who constantly cook him potatoes. They don't have to accommodate him but he doesn't have to eat it! I have two kids one eats everything and gets all the glory, one genuinely struggles with different tastes and textures. It's not how they've been brought up.

No, instead you just left them yollto go hungry.

Thanks :) I’m always open to suggestions as I quite like cooking new things.

@Mojoj it's not these days
my father in his 70s refuses point blank any fish. this was because when he was younger every Friday and holy day it was fish in his house. he was forced to eat it ir go hungry (as you say) he was told. he would then vomit it back up shortly after it being shoved down his throat. think he has good reason to avoid it. the smell even makes him want to gag he says

No worries. I really appreciate that you have taken the time to read up on it.
If i'm honest I didn't have a name for it until I was in my 30's, I just knew that it was more than normal 'fussiness'.

I've found my groove with it now and thankfully have a really understanding DH and close friends.

Although, I have distanced myself from some people who insisted on treating me like a child - all because it didn't like eating the same food as them!! They used to tell me I needed to grow up and sort my life out....despite me being well educated, having a successful career, getting married and having children! All of that was ignored because I'm fussy with food!
People can have a really strong reaction to it!

Thank you to those who answered my question. I have always been interested in what happens when food is scarce for picky eaters, it seems that for some they would starve to death. That's horrendous.

It also makes no sense in evolutionary terms.

Some kids that I’ve looked after have literally had to have feeding tubes fitted to stop them starving to death. If only their parents had thought of telling them to eat what was on their plate or to hungry…

People should be grateful to have food to eat.

Really? That's your baseline? Just be glad you're not starving. I think it's a basic right, given that we are capable, as a species, of making sure we all have enough food. We choose not to provide everyone with enough, but actually we could do so.

It also makes no sense in evolutionary terms.

Well the thing with evolution is that it isn't goal-driven, it's just random. A random genetic variation will cause a change in behaviour or physique. If it helps you to survive in an environment, the incidence of that gene will increase. If it doesn't help, you'll die out. It makes perfect sense, because this is just another random variation.

Where it gets complicated is things that help to a degree but not too strongly, which I suspect may be where this behaviour falls. It helps a lot not to gobble down everything, because it reduces your chances of being poisoned or developing a high parasite load. But it doesn't make sense to be too picky, or you'll struggle to find enough to eat. Fortunately, as humans, we've developed ways around the randomness of evolution so we can do things like make sure that people have access to food that they find edible.

This is why I have an issue with some so called 'picky eaters'. It's so rude to talk about what other people are enjoying as rank, disgusting, globs of snot. Fine if you don't like it/can't eat it. But the faces you pull and descriptions are childish, that's the problem I have. I don't care what you can/can't eat, but don't describe other peoples (or cultures) food like that.

It's so rude to talk about what other people are enjoying as rank, disgusting, globs of snot.
Where is the lie?

LOL

Oh these are my private thoughts. I’d never voice them in company as it’s super uncultured/chavvy not to like foods I listed above and I wouldn’t want to give myself away! I just stay silent and pick something else.

Thought it another one: Parma ham - tastes to me what I imagine human flesh is like.

Maybe the food is just shit? That’s the main reason why I wouldn’t “clear my plate at all times”. There’s no point forcing myself to eat something unpleasant - going without for one meal won’t kill me, and there’s likely something I can have as an alternative if I’m hungry. I am vegetarian but I wouldn’t say I’m fussy. I’m used to finer dining so I would say I have higher standards when it comes to food. I’m not going to eat soggy mushrooms bursting with horrid brown juice for example, that’s bad cooking. I’m not going to eat it to be polite.

Thought it another one: Parma ham - tastes to me what I imagine human flesh is like.

Human flesh is sometimes called long pig, so you might not be too far out.

Of course some people genuinely struggle with tastes/textures etc. It isn’t as simple as just being fussy for the hell of it. Many neurodivergent people find certain foods impossible to eat due to sensory issues. You sound very inflexible and black and white in your thinking which coincidentally can also be a ND trait.

My dc are extremely fussy at the minute. Things they once loved they now recoil at. Makes meal times a bleeding nightmare but just hope they grow out of it. You’ve got to love the family members who think they know better too and that I have just decided to feed chicken nuggets to the dc out of laziness and not pure exasperation!

I'm 45 and my parents were born in the mid 40s so with minimal choice and money. My dad in particular was dirt poor.

I was never forced to eat things I didn't like or finish all my food growing up, I genuinely dislike many foods and I always have, they would never have been unkind to me and they knew that being made to eat things you don't like is truly horrid. I remember my dad telling my grandparents they weren't to try and make me eat.

I am a healthy adult, I eat a lot of things, and am never rude about food but I simply couldn't eat a piece of steak (for example) to be polite.

I do not understand people my age who say they were forced to eat, weren't allowed to be fussy etc. If you can't stand something you can't stand it and that has always been a thing.

My DD will eat anything (like DH) but the boys do struggle more and I have never made a big deal about it, I just do not see the point

Lol. My OH loves it and I do complain to him about his ‘long pig’ in the fridge 😂