My leavers drinks have been arranged for a day I can't attend

[okletsnott]

Myself and one other colleague are leaving our company soon. An email has been sent out recently to the department giving details on our leavers drinks which are at a local bar in the evening after work - including date, time and location. I wasn't consulted about it, and it's at a time I can't attend due to needing to go and care for an elderly relative.

I really hate attention, and I also don't drink alcohol due to religious reasons and feel uncomfortable in bars (but can push through it). I'm also not particularly close with any colleagues and would feel awkward being there.

I'm on holiday for the rest of my notice period from next week, so there's not really any other time to arrange it before I leave.

I don't know what to do

Do you actually want to go?

either way, just say you can’t make that time. If you want to go push for a change in date. If not let them get in with it.

I never go to leavers’ drinks, including my own! I don’t drink either and I’m not a loud bars person.

I used to take something nice in on my last day. Some fruit, a cake, some baklava, cookies… something treaty to share out. You could do that instead maybe?

Do you actually want to have leaving drinks, if you don’t like bars, don’t like attention and don’t really have a relationship with colleagues?

if so, just don’t go.

if you do want something, say you can’t make it and rearrange it?

Just don’t go! You’re leaving, what do you care?

I would of course tell them you’re not going, so it just becomes colleague’s leaving drinks but other than that just don’t go.

Arrange your own drinks with colleagues you get on with, or don't go. I find it odd that someone else has just arranged drinks without even asking you if you can go or whether you even want to have leavers drinks. They must be total busybodies.

Email whoever organised it and say you can’t make that day, but you hope they have a great time.

No, to be honest I don't want to go. If it was down to me I'd just slip away quietly. I just think it will look bad/rude if I don't make the effort and go

Reply and say you can't make it but you hope everyone has a great night. Buy cakes for staff room on your last day.

Of course it won’t, you didn’t organise it? It’s nothing to do with you and they didn’t even consult you.

Sounds like a win win, u don’t want to go and can’t go.

Why not say you appreciate the kind gesture but unfortunately the date clashes with something you can't get out of, but you would love to say goodbye informally or over coffee at a nearby cafe the day before at lunchtime/after work.

I really cannot imagine why you would be leaving such a caring company like this....

It's clearly all about them, with no thought given to the people in whose honour it's supposed to be. Whether deliberate or not, their controlling, dismissive nature actually swings it 180 degrees from a 'so sorry to see you go' to a celebration of 'getting rid of you'.

Email whoever organised it and say you can’t make that day, but you hope they have a great time.

I'd do this; it's not like you were the one being passive aggressive first.

It sounds like you don't want t go so take this as your lucky escape. Email the organiser
'Hi Sarah, thank you for organising leaving drinks for me. I appreciate the thought. However, I am unable to make that night. I have family commitments which cannot be changed. I hope you all have a lovely night with other person who is leaving."

Then as PP suggested maybe bring in something on the last day. Mini cupcakes/ muffins are nice and you don't have the awkward embarrassment of trying to cut a cake and mangling the whole thing

sorry the part where I said other person who is leaving is not meant to be in bold. I had * either side of it guess that makes things bold!

I'm not seeing the problem. A thing you don't want to go to has been arranged for a day you can't go. So you can't go, which is great, as you don't want to anyway.

Not seeing what your question is?

Just say you can’t make it due to other commitments but you hope they all have a fab time

Just don't go, you're not going to be working with them anymore. It sounds like they've arranged it just as an excuse to get drunk anyway.

The fact that they didn’t consult you to ask ensures this isn’t your issue to worry about and you are more than kind and doing something important by caring for your relative

agree about bringing in cakes on the last day and you could send your team an email

It’s not rude to decline an invitation to something you can’t go to and don’t want to go to!

Just don’t go. They didn’t consult you about the time or date, so they can’t expect you to drop everything.
You’re leaving anyway so who cares if people think you haven’t made an effort.

Take cake. Move on with life. Meet more considerate people in next job.

I just think it will look bad/rude if I don't make the effort and go

But you actually can't go as you have another commitment.

They are the ones that look bad/rude for not even having the common sense to check with you in the first place.

What's rude is someone else taking it upon themselves to arrange leaving drinks without any consultation with the person they are supposed to be for!

Agree with others here. I would just take in some nice treats on your last day in work and explain that you won’t be able to attend the drinks event. Since they didn’t consult you about the date, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect them to understand.

If you don't want to go then there's no issue, just chuck an email back saying "Sorry I can't attend on that date"