My leavers drinks have been arranged for a day I can't attend

[okletsnott]

Myself and one other colleague are leaving our company soon. An email has been sent out recently to the department giving details on our leavers drinks which are at a local bar in the evening after work - including date, time and location. I wasn't consulted about it, and it's at a time I can't attend due to needing to go and care for an elderly relative.

I really hate attention, and I also don't drink alcohol due to religious reasons and feel uncomfortable in bars (but can push through it). I'm also not particularly close with any colleagues and would feel awkward being there.

I'm on holiday for the rest of my notice period from next week, so there's not really any other time to arrange it before I leave.

I don't know what to do

It is bonkers that the people organising this did not first check with the two leavers what dates would work best for both of them before finalising the event...

I bet you are glad to be leaving this company.

I'd say be honest and polite. (if you can't be honest now then when.. But it's always good to keep it civil) but it's not going to change how people see you if you don't go (after all, you're not in the habit of going to drinks with them are you?)
I think it's nice to leave on a positive note even if you hate everyone just in case you need the connections later, lol..
Send a round email saying I can't make the date due to caring responsibilities but I'm fine with it as I'm not a pub person anyway. I'm not in the office again now after Friday so I'll leave you guys some cakes to remember me by, all the best for the future everyone!

Just send an email. Don't worry about sending in a big box of cakes if you've already left. Slip away quietly, you'll have forgotten them all in a week!

Although on reflection you could also point out that you're off on the day of the leaving drinks and don't drink anyway.

Not everyone wants to drink with colleagues, it's a bit old fashioned and cliquey, and maybe you could nicely point that out.

I'd seen a messaging to everyone saying ...

"Thanks for sending me an invitation to my own leaving drinks. Unfortunately they have been arranged for a time that I am unavailable 😀 However, please go ahead with the drinks and raise a glass to me"

You'd look like a narky spanner if you sent that. I would be cringing for you as a recipient!

@shammalammadingdong

Why would she look narky if she put a smiley face? Isn't it just fact that she can't make it?

The tone isn't changed with a smiley face. "Thanks for inviting me to my OWN leaving drinks on a day I can't come" sounds like "oh for fucks sake you losers, how dare you treat me this way!"

When i and most of the people I worked with were made redundant after our small local charity lost its funding, the leaving party, during the day, coincided with my dad's funeral. I got moaned at for not going.

Just make it clear you can't attend, apologies etc then suggest a coffee and cakes at lunch? X

I don't understand the problem. Sounds like youre off the hook

Id email back and say sorry everyone but im
Not free on this date but if anyone would like to join me for lunch on thr last day, let me
Know

If you haven't actually made any real friends from this job and you're never going to see this people again, I'd just not turn up. Fuck em!

Fuck bringing them cakes in as well!

This is on an evidence-basdd presumption that you haven't made any real friends in this job, because real friends would consult the person leaving and ask them what they want to do, and when they want to do it. They would know you're not a drinker, and they'd know you're not a bar person, and they'd know the kinds of things you do enjoy.

But instead, they couldn't give a toss and have selfishly & blatantly used your leaving as an excuse for a piss up. And despite you not being a bar person, or an alcohol drinker, I'll bet anything you'll still be expected to buy a round in. A round where you'll have a soft drink and they'll be on the expensive cocktails and spirits.

Don't email to say you can't make it.
Don't gomout of your way to bring in any treats for them.
Don't turn up to this piss up disguised as your leaving do.

They sound like wankers who dont deserve an explanation or any more of your time.

Good luck in your new job - I hope.your new colleagues are nicer than this bunch of bell ends.

It honestly doesn’t sound like it’s either your bag or you really Dont fancy going.

if I were in your shoes that would be the perfect excuse not to attend. I’d take that as your final win and don’t go.

Do they definitely know you’re leaving too ? do you have friends there ? If so o would just send an email to the arranger saying thanks but you can’t attend

if not I would just leave, not mention anything and sod bringing cakes etc

Does the organiser know about your caring responsibilities? I guess it's possible they were aware it wouldn't be something you'd enjoy so deliberately arranged it at a time when you'd have an excuse not to attend?

who cares? you are leaving.

If they really cared that you'd be there they'd have checked with you. As it is, you are not bothered to go (do you think they know this?) & you've something else on & you leaving anyway so win win I really don't see the problem at all.

Just don’t go.

If anyone complains, explain that you weren’t consulted and that you had a long-term family commitment. They don’t seem the sort if colleagues that you will miss!
Perhaps arrange a smaller, cosier, kinder ‘do’ for the colleagues you do care about.

email stating that you are sorry you can't make it and invite people to the break area for a cup of tea and bit of cake on your last day. You'll need to bring a cake of course but it means a 10 minute event and you wont feel you are slipping away. Honestly though, good riddance. I can't believe they organised drinks for someone who doesn't drink.

I would just say you have a prior engagement that day thanks for the invite.

Sounds like you've a great excuse not to go.

I wouldn't go if I didn't want to. As you said, they didn't ask you and haven't even thought about you not drinking. I work with a muslim woman and she won't even go into any place that serves alcohol. That's fine with me, I'm happy to go elsewhere. They have not considered this, just planned the average 'must drink' rubbish.

We don't know whether it's a pan-organisational policy to be shit at personnel management, or (more likely) because one secretary booked it in a hurry and forgot the vital checks on whether the GOH could attend.

Maybe you're right, maybe they did send a round robin round the whole team and take a unanimous vote to deliberately pick a date that OP couldn't attend, but that's not the way I'd bet - the vast majority of her coworkers probably had nothing to do with it, so there's no reason to leave them all on a sour note.

"Sorry can't make that day - immovable commitments. Hope you have a lovely night out with Dave. Wishing you all all the best for the future. Who knows? maybe our paths will cross again."

To be honest I wouldn’t care, who arranges drinks for a colleague who doesn’t consume alcohol for religious beliefs. Your workplace lacks any cultural awareness or doesn’t care. I would just go on your leave and make sure you say goodbye to those who matter to you before you go. Chalk it upto a near miss. Sorry to hear they have down this though, it doesn’t make you feel valued does it.

Take in a ton of biscuits or sweets and a card and ask manager to take them to next meeting when all colleagues are in?
Just write in the card ‘it’s been a pleasure and I wish everyone health and happiness’
and leave it there.