My leavers drinks have been arranged for a day I can't attend

[okletsnott]

Myself and one other colleague are leaving our company soon. An email has been sent out recently to the department giving details on our leavers drinks which are at a local bar in the evening after work - including date, time and location. I wasn't consulted about it, and it's at a time I can't attend due to needing to go and care for an elderly relative.

I really hate attention, and I also don't drink alcohol due to religious reasons and feel uncomfortable in bars (but can push through it). I'm also not particularly close with any colleagues and would feel awkward being there.

I'm on holiday for the rest of my notice period from next week, so there's not really any other time to arrange it before I leave.

I don't know what to do

There is no need for OP to send the fawning emails suggested.

Her organisation showed no courtesy at all by not checking her preferred date and arrangements for a going away do.

She should be polite & factual, and then move on.

You sound like you don’t want to go so I’d just not go

I like the idea of bringing in cake for everyone, but unfortunately the only time I'll be in the office this week before I go on holiday is on Friday, which is a WFH day, to hand in my pass and company phone and laptop, so nobody will be in apart from the receptionist and office manager!

Take in some packaged cakes that will still be in date by Monday. Leave them with a card saying goodbye?

Just say "I can't come because I have another engagement, so goodbye everyone"

No need for any explanations/excuses it's clearly just a very casual drink after work.

I wouldn't worry about it. You can't go and would rather not anyway. The person who arranged it didn't check that you could even make it so it's basically an excuse for them to go out and drink. "thanks for arranging this but unfortunately I won't be able to make it, have a great time!"

I wouldn't bother leaving cakes Op.

You say you're not particularly close to anyone.

Sounds as if you'll be able to leave quietly just as you wish.

Just email them all on Friday and say thanks, best wishes, etc. sorry you can't be at the drinks due to a prior commitment but best wishes for the future.

This is perfect.

Exactly! It sounds perfect for the OP so I'm confused that she needs a thread about it, as if it's some kind of problem.

Interestingly this was discussed on today programme this morning. There should be less emphasis on alcohol

https://www.google.com/amp/s/news.sky.com/story/amp/fewer-work-parties-should-involve-alcohol-bosses-professional-body-says-12876809

I think all you could really do is suggest an alternative eg: afternoon tea or a walk or picnic on another afternoon.

Make sure you say a personal goodbye to any colleague you particularly like and explain to the organisers why you can't be attend.

Not as rude as them organising an event at a bar, for you, when you don’t even drink and haven’t been consulted on the date and time.

This isn’t about saying Goodbye to you at all, it’s about them getting together for a piss up.

I wouldn’t go.

Go you one better, OP. When I retired my office wanted to have a luncheon for me. Catered by a company that would not cater for my Coeliac Disease (or any food allergies for that matter). So a party at which the honoree couldn't eat the food. I declined. So instead they said 'goodbye' to me at a staff meeting. With pastries and donuts that I could not eat.

At least my thoughtful supervisor put a lovely GF bar of gourmet chocolate on my desk.

Just reply all on your last actual day of working saying its actually just the other persons leaving drinks and you wont actually be there due to prior commitments, its been great meeting and working wih everyone, good luck for the future blah blah blah

Just reply, sorry I wasn’t consulted I can’t do that date, hope everyone has a good time

How long have you been there? If it's any length of time then I'd suggest you should at least turn up out of politeness, given that you aren't around to say goodbye this week. Can't you swap care of your elderly relative just this once?

This. You've caught a break OP!

Why on earth would colleagues not even consult you for your own leaving drinks?! I’d tell them you can’t make it but go and have a good time in your absence! Don’t feel pressured into rearranging either. You’ll probably never see any of these people again anyway.

If OP has been there for a long time, it's even worse they didn't check if she was available for her leaving drinks.
Elderly relative would be my priority here.

I think if you send an email too soon then they’ll just rearrange a day to suit you.

I would email the day before saying you’re really sorry but won’t be able to make it tomorrow but you hope they all have a lovely time and you’ve really enjoyed working there.

If you want to you can take in a tin of celebrations or something as a thank you as they don’t go off for ages.

Wouldn't you need a line explaining nobody asked you about the date and time?

Just send an email back saying "sorry I can't attend, I'm busy this date" . They've obviously not thought of you when arranging it otherwise they'd have asked you xx

Email your other leaving colleague and wish him well and say sorry you can't make his leaving drinks do but hope he has a great time!

If I were you I'd buy a big box of cakes and drop them into the office one day on your week off (if possible). That way you've shown willing a bit and if people ask you about the leaving do you can point out that you weren't consulted about the date and unfortunately you can't make it.

Wish them all well and sail off into the sunset, OP! No need to put yourself through drinks with people you won't miss!