My leavers drinks have been arranged for a day I can't attend

[okletsnott]

Myself and one other colleague are leaving our company soon. An email has been sent out recently to the department giving details on our leavers drinks which are at a local bar in the evening after work - including date, time and location. I wasn't consulted about it, and it's at a time I can't attend due to needing to go and care for an elderly relative.

I really hate attention, and I also don't drink alcohol due to religious reasons and feel uncomfortable in bars (but can push through it). I'm also not particularly close with any colleagues and would feel awkward being there.

I'm on holiday for the rest of my notice period from next week, so there's not really any other time to arrange it before I leave.

I don't know what to do

Tin Not ton

I wouldnt worry about it - if they didn't consult you it may be that they aren't actually expecting you to want to go but didnt want you to feel left out of the celebration. If you aren't close to them then it's lovely that they thought to include you but it's clearly to avoid looking rude themselves so I 100% wouldn't worry. Message to say thank you for the thought, you can't attend but hope "other colleague" and you all have a wonderful time. Thank them and say you'll miss them, bring in some cakes and be done with it 😁

Hmm.. I’m sure if they liked you they would have arranged something they could have included you in…

I dislike leaving dos too, OP.

I'd leave it until as close to the date as possible and then send apologies. You coukd say you're so sorry you can't make it you're looking after a poorly relative at ... (far away location).

Wish everyone luck and say it was a good experience working at ... (company name) and with them.

Happy days.

Good luck with the new job, I hope you make some good friends st the new place.

This. Brutal but true.

My colleagues arranged a leaving party when somebody they didn't like was leaving.... on a day they knew he had a regular commitment. He went out of his way to attend briefly, sipped his half of coke and the party started for real once he left. Even our teetotal Muslim colleagues attended and gave the drunks lifts home. Best leaving do ever.

Having Leaving Drinks for someone who doesn't drink is really offensive to me. I'd be organising a lunch or a tea after work. Maybe organise if for after you've actually left if you've no time before then? I definitely wouldn't be heading to a BAR 🤦‍♀️ on any day but least on a day you can't make. It sounds like you've just been tacked on to your colleague's do. If anyone mentions it as being yours, I'd politely say, 'Oh no, that's for colleague - I don't drink and I can't make then anyway' and smile. You could then add 'I'm having a Leaving Lunch/Tea/Thing involving non-alcoholic drinks at... on ... '

You really don't have to go or feel at all bad about not going - particularly if not actually consulted about the date and plan. Bow out comfortably.

The tin of biscuits seems a good idea.

If this would make you uncomfortable in any case why are you considering going. Would you want to go if you were free anyway?

I agree with everybody else. Sorry you can't make it on that day but all have a great time.