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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving toddler with 19yr niece for a week

418 replies

MagicalLife · 08/05/2023 08:42

Myself and DH are getting married in August and we have been looking at sorting out our honeymoon. We have planned to not take DD (2yo) with us and my niece has kindly offered to look house sit and look after her whilst we are away. She will be back from university and I said we would pay her for looking after DD. She has been super involved with her since she was a newborn and has babysat her many many times.

AIBU letting her?

OP posts:
Whataninsight · 08/05/2023 18:43

shammalammadingdong · 08/05/2023 18:40

Because you want to and don't see a problem?

I left my eldest for a week with his grandmother when he was three. It was fine. He was fine. No reason why he wouldn't be.

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Did you start a thread asking a chat forum whether you’d be unreasonable to do so? Hence clearly indicating at least a seed of doubt

shammalammadingdong · 08/05/2023 18:43

ReadersD1gest · 08/05/2023 18:41

If op didn't see a problem she wouldn't have started a thread in AIBU.

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Not necessarily. She could have no problem at all, but someone else did, so she thought she'd check.
As we all know, asking AIBU does not mean you have to agree that you are U!

Whataninsight · 08/05/2023 18:44

shammalammadingdong · 08/05/2023 18:43

Not necessarily. She could have no problem at all, but someone else did, so she thought she'd check.
As we all know, asking AIBU does not mean you have to agree that you are U!

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And in her op or follow ups…. You don’t think she might have mentioned this quite pertinent point?

Floralnomad · 08/05/2023 18:45

I don’t know why you are asking since she has looked after the child perfectly well in the past and you obviously trust her . Personally I would be including my child in my holiday .

CremeEggThief · 08/05/2023 18:46

YANBU. Nothing wrong with this at all.

ReadersD1gest · 08/05/2023 18:47

Floralnomad · 08/05/2023 18:45

I don’t know why you are asking since she has looked after the child perfectly well in the past and you obviously trust her . Personally I would be including my child in my holiday .

Personally I would be including my child in my holiday.
Well, there is that. When you live together and have a two year old child, it's literally just a holiday 🤷🏻‍♀️

TheHandmaiden · 08/05/2023 18:51

Wtf you leave your two your old without the care of her parents for a week.

A brutal thing to do.

EV4ME · 08/05/2023 18:54

Brutal? Bit ott.

philautia · 08/05/2023 18:59

I think this is lovely and will be so nice for both you and your husband and your daughter and niece.

I'm really close to several nieces and cousins and would trust any of them to do this - they're all extremely responsible and I'd know my children would be in good hands.

As long as she has support she can call on if needed, there are no issues.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 08/05/2023 19:01

MagicalLife · 08/05/2023 08:46

Yes she will have a support network, my sister lives about 5 minutes away and my mother lives about 8 minutes away.

She will be going to nursery which is only a short walk from our house.

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I think this will be fine.

ReadersD1gest · 08/05/2023 19:02

I think this is lovely and will be so nice for both you and your husband and your daughter and niece
Confused

TheHandmaiden · 08/05/2023 19:04

Sorry but this is a horrible thing to do to a young child. 2 is very young. You might as well disappear for a week which is a very long time for such a young child.

Other posters aren't saying it but they are thinking it. This is a horrid thing to do to a young child.

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 08/05/2023 19:05

Wth a 2 yo, a week long HM seems a bit excessive. You are clearly already familiar with each other, which was the point of a honeymoon. A long weekend would be fairer and less naff

eatdrinkandbemerry · 08/05/2023 19:12

She will be fine ,she has support if needed and it might be the best kind of contraception going because she won't want kids anytime soon after a week of the terrible twos 🤣.
On a personal note though I wouldn't want to leave mine for a week just for a child free holiday 🤷‍♀️

Toomanylatenightprogs · 08/05/2023 19:14

I was a mum to my own toddler at 19, had no family within 200 miles and had never even put a nappy on a baby until mine was born BUT it was a learning curve and I wasn’t suddenly in at the deep end with toddler.
If your DN has had lots of input with your DD, is used to the bedtime routine and is patient with a tired, grumpy, screaming child then I think she’ll be fine. She has family back up close by if she needs it.

Bunnichick · 08/05/2023 19:17

If she's used to looking after her then yes IF YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH IT. If you're confident she knows what to feed them, putting them to bed etc then yes. The fact she's 19 shouldn't matter as 19 yo have children but it's whether she's experienced with children and how well they know eachother.

EV4ME · 08/05/2023 19:19

TheHandmaiden · 08/05/2023 19:04

Sorry but this is a horrible thing to do to a young child. 2 is very young. You might as well disappear for a week which is a very long time for such a young child.

Other posters aren't saying it but they are thinking it. This is a horrid thing to do to a young child.

OK, you carry on with your own narrative, and we will deal with reality.

PS - unless you are privately canvassing every reader and commenter in this thread, your claim is blatantly false. The child will be in the care of a known and trusted adult. This isn't some horror show.

Riapia · 08/05/2023 19:19

Twenty or thirty years ago I would have said yes.
A nineteen year old today definitely not. Absolute madness.

shammalammadingdong · 08/05/2023 19:19

TheHandmaiden · 08/05/2023 19:04

Sorry but this is a horrible thing to do to a young child. 2 is very young. You might as well disappear for a week which is a very long time for such a young child.

Other posters aren't saying it but they are thinking it. This is a horrid thing to do to a young child.

No, we're not thinking it. We really don't see any problem with it at all.

A secure and happy child who is with capable caregivers that they know and trust will be just fine.

You can choose not to do it, that's fine. But lets not pretend its the end of the world if others do it maybe?

ReadersD1gest · 08/05/2023 19:21

shammalammadingdong · 08/05/2023 19:19

No, we're not thinking it. We really don't see any problem with it at all.

A secure and happy child who is with capable caregivers that they know and trust will be just fine.

You can choose not to do it, that's fine. But lets not pretend its the end of the world if others do it maybe?

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But you're not speaking for the whole thread, despite your use of the royal we. Lots of people see a very real problem with it.

shammalammadingdong · 08/05/2023 19:25

ReadersD1gest · 08/05/2023 19:21

But you're not speaking for the whole thread, despite your use of the royal we. Lots of people see a very real problem with it.

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I was quite clearly speaking for the mentioned "they're thinking it but not saying it" people. Not the ones saying it.
You have to follow the conversation through.

Lots of people see a very real problem with it. Lots don't. The only weird bit is why the people who see a problem think their concerns should be shared by anyone else?

Like most things in life, if you don't like the idea, don't do it. Makes no odds to those who will do it.

ReadersD1gest · 08/05/2023 19:28

The only weird bit is why the people who see a problem think their concerns should be shared by anyone else?
Again; op has posted in AIBU? 🤣🤣🤣

CremeEggThief · 08/05/2023 19:39

Anyone seeing a problem with a legal adult looking after a 2 year old for a week is being ridiculous! Espresso when the OP has made it clear the 29 year old has a good bond with the child.🙄

If the 2 year old attends Nursery, chances are s/he spends a lot of time being cared for by an Early Years Apprentice who is between 16 and 21 anyway and is quite likely to have a little friend/peer who is the child of a teenage parent.

Where I live in North East England it is still more common to have your first child at 17 or 18 than over 35.

CremeEggThief · 08/05/2023 19:40

Oops! Should be especially and 19!😆

NewNovember · 08/05/2023 19:41

MagicalLife · 08/05/2023 08:47

The longest we have been away from DC is 4 nights and she was absolutely fine

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Well why ask then , it's not great is it absolute fine doesn't mean not crying not withdrawn. Your child is two go for a long weekend at the most.