Leaving toddler with 19yr niece for a week

[MagicalLife]

Myself and DH are getting married in August and we have been looking at sorting out our honeymoon. We have planned to not take DD (2yo) with us and my niece has kindly offered to look house sit and look after her whilst we are away. She will be back from university and I said we would pay her for looking after DD. She has been super involved with her since she was a newborn and has babysat her many many times.

AIBU letting her?

Not unreasonable, especially if support available close by and she's experienced in caring for a toddler but I think that a practice weekend would be helpful to troubleshoot. If you come back after a weekend and the house is a bombsite and your child running feral having only eaten crayons, maybe time for a rethink.

Exactly.

@berksandbeyond why "especially before marriage"?

When l was 17 l took care of 4 children while their mom was in hospital having their 5th. The dh worked all day , visited his wife in hospital and dc were in bed when he got home. I cooked dinners for everyone, had the house spotless when she got home etc. Then they stayed in hospital for a week. When you come from a big family it's all hands on deck and you are well used to minding children and taking responsibility. It's good the toddler has other people she knows well .

It is being a martyr to need to spend every day with your child. It’s absolutely fine to leave children with grandparents/ willing family members to have a child free holiday. In fact it’s wonderful. Funnily enough nothing bad happens. Unless you’ve created a clingy child that can’t be left…

If you don’t want to, if you can’t bear to be away from your children for a minute then that’s your choice. But don’t berate others for happily having child free holidays.

Did you manage to clean the chimney too?

and was the dinner you made a healthy delicious casserole made from half a chicken bone?

I used to childmind in summer holidays for my cousin, hers were 5,2 and a baby and I was 13 the first year. At the time it seemed grand, with hindsight my cousin must be crazy and probably a bit neglectful! But it was the 90s...

Anyway my gut instinct is to be wary but by 19 I was a seasoned babysitter and 1 toddler wouldn't have been a challenge at all. Somehow I was more capable than with my own toddlers in my 30s ,😂

From what you have said about your niece, if it was me, I would. You know them better than anyone on here so I would go with how you feel about it not what strangers think is right or wrong.

Genuinely in Irish families teenage girls are always exploited like this. You seem sceptical but it's absolutely what happened in our family. I often jokingly lament that we've no teenage girl relatives nearby to exploit (even though I'm far too anxious to leave my kids with a teenager)

We took ours on honeymoon with us for a holiday. When you have young children and get married I don't think you can expect to take a week away from the child. I wouldn't leave my child for a week and not with a 19 year old, especially if you are going out of the country. Who would grant permission if god forbid emergency medical care was needed?

I think it's fine, niece has experience of looking after child during day and night, has support network close by, and is someone the child knows well.

As long as both you and you niece are happy with it, it's fine.

Parents are allowed a break from their children

Then emergency medical care would be provided by the relevant healthcare workers. I assume the adult(s) caring for the child would consent to treatment in place of the parents or the parents would be contacted.

I’m hoping she’d and you would have the sense to call 999

“Grant permission”?

what are you on about

A 12 year old is old enough to be the mother.

I don't understand this comment. It is not normal for a 12 year old to be a mother, or to care for a child on their own if they are.

It is completely normal for a 19 year old to have a toddler.

I genuinely didn't feel exploited. I think when l was young l felt delighted to be doing something grown up..in my generation. My kids wouldn't have done it as they had absolutely no experience but as one of the oldest in a large family l didn't mind.

Absolutely no chance but I wouldn’t leave my toddler for 4 nights either.

I agree, someone 17 years older than the child I would consider to be old enough to be the child's parent and care for them unassisted. A 12 year old parent is an abused child.

Why if you want a whole week of child-free honeymoon are these supposedly nearby other family members (mum, sister etc) not offering to have your toddler? Why does no one else want to do it other than the youngest in the family, a 19yo student?

Odd.

Also the oldest in a large family and with the common sense of hindsight leaving several young children in the care of a young teenager is stupid. That no one ever got hit by a car, choked to death or anything else is pure good fortune.

It also is it exploitation, like it or not. I was delighted at the time too, oh I'm so mature etc etc but it was terrible parenting judgement on the part of my cousin and my parents who allowed it

because once you become a parent you need to be responsible for them, that means a lot of things that you may have done for your wedding (more elaborate hen and stag doos abroad, child free honeymoons) are off the table. If you wanted to do those things, I’d suggest you wait until after the wedding to have kids. HTH

Isn't it just?

Because you want to and don't see a problem?

I left my eldest for a week with his grandmother when he was three. It was fine. He was fine. No reason why he wouldn't be.

If op didn't see a problem she wouldn't have started a thread in AIBU.