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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving toddler with 19yr niece for a week

418 replies

MagicalLife · 08/05/2023 08:42

Myself and DH are getting married in August and we have been looking at sorting out our honeymoon. We have planned to not take DD (2yo) with us and my niece has kindly offered to look house sit and look after her whilst we are away. She will be back from university and I said we would pay her for looking after DD. She has been super involved with her since she was a newborn and has babysat her many many times.

AIBU letting her?

OP posts:
Imisssleep2 · 10/05/2023 05:42

House sit yes, looks after toddler for a week? I personally wouldn't, even as a 32yo when i had my kid i disnt know what i was letting myself in for, they are such hard work and unless she has done it for say a long weekend before i wouldnt do it for as long as a week now. Maybe find a honeymoon to include your child? But it also depends what your doing, if its abroad with limited ways to get home should she struggle to cope maybe not, if its a couple of hours drive away in the UK where tou could drop all and return if necessary thats also would work better.

llamallama6384 · 10/05/2023 06:08

Whataninsight · 08/05/2023 08:45

My gut is… hell no

But there will be posters come along who had four children, brought a house and climbed Everest by 19 so 🤷‍♀️

This is so true 😂😂

ChairFloorWall · 10/05/2023 06:09

Is it possible to do a trial run beforehand?

Mortimercat · 10/05/2023 06:14

I think no, it sounds like too much. I am 53 but don’t have children and I don’t even think I would be the right person to look after a toddler for a week because I have absolutely no idea what it involves.

erikbloodaxe · 10/05/2023 06:56

Would I have left my toddler with anyone for a week? Absolutely not.

Is a 19yr old capable of taking care of a toddler for a week? Absolutely yes.

I looked after my sisters 4 children (one a toddler) for a week when I was 20. Hard work but totally doable and I did a great job.

Yahyahs22 · 10/05/2023 07:02

A week is too long

ThePoshUns · 10/05/2023 07:04

You know them best.
She has other family nearby to help.
Sounds fine to me.

ExperiencedTeacher · 10/05/2023 07:08

Absolutely no way would I have left my toddler for a week with anyone. We don’t get loads of holidays so I wanted to spend that time (and expense) with them.

WhoBird · 10/05/2023 07:19

I don’t know why so many people are making a point of saying they couldn’t possibly leave their 2 year old, no one asked, but well done anyway 🤣!

CabbagePatchDole · 10/05/2023 07:30

MagicalLife · 08/05/2023 08:46

Yes she will have a support network, my sister lives about 5 minutes away and my mother lives about 8 minutes away.

She will be going to nursery which is only a short walk from our house.

Show quote history

Can't your mum or sister take the child for the week?

Ignore me if this has already been asked, I haven't RTFT.

Fansandblankets · 10/05/2023 07:39

no not unreasonable. They know each other well and her mum is on hand should she need her.

Greycloudlooming · 10/05/2023 07:42

I wouldn’t leave my toddler with a 19 year old.

I had our first baby at 19. I was a great mum then (way more patient and fun than I am now at 40!). But we have a 3 year old now (oopsie daisy but much loved surprise!) - and I couldn’t leave her with a 19 year old, even her older and very responsible siblings for an entire week.

But we’re all different. I read your update that you’ve already left your little one for 4 nights before. I don’t think any of ours even spent a single night away from home until they were 5/6. A week is a long time at that age. But it’s your call. Do what your intuition says, but I can’t help thinking you wouldn’t have made this post if you were 100% confident leaving your little one?

Moveoverdarlin · 10/05/2023 07:48

I wouldn’t no, but then I wouldn’t go on holiday and leave my children with anyone, let alone a teenager.

summersun29 · 10/05/2023 07:52

Although I've voted AIBU... Feck off with the selfish comments, OP doesn't need to be shamed because she would like a HONEYMOON. Nobody would say such a thing to a man who wanted to leave his kids for a week, guaranteed. You can't be with your kids 24/7, there will be occasions where you might need (or just want) to be away from the kids.

OP, only you can make the call in the end - I think some of the more useful comments will give you enough to think about.

Purplefoalfoot · 10/05/2023 07:52

berksandbeyond · 08/05/2023 08:57

I wouldn’t leave my child for a week full stop tbh

This

MaryJean87 · 10/05/2023 07:56

No, I wouldn't leave a toddler for a week, and definitely not with a teenager. I had my own DC at that age but I think without her own maternal instinct to the child, a week would be too much.

iolaus · 10/05/2023 07:57

I originally read it as a weekend and thought yes fine, then I read it as a week and I thought I wouldn't

Then I remembered when I was 17/18 I remember babysitting for up to a week at a time for multiple children (no more than 2 in a go) - my mum was at the end of a phone if I needed her (and the kids weren't even related to me)

Basically - it's your child, you also know your niece, it's completely up to you - it's not illegal but I don't think I'd be comfortable leaving my kids at that age for that long (especially if I were going abroad and couldn't just drive home)

ZforZebra · 10/05/2023 07:59

With all the information you’ve provided I would be fine leaving DD with your niece. Enjoy your honeymoon!

CarpeDiemCarpeDontem · 10/05/2023 08:01

I was working in a baby room with 0 - 2s at 18 so I think it’s fine personally! I would have been happy and capable of doing it especially with nursery and others to call on in the event of an emergency.

Tumbleweed101 · 10/05/2023 08:11

I would if I was confident with the capabilities of the 19yo. With a support network close by even better. It is always a bit daunting leaving young children for a few days even if it is with people you trust.

adriftabroad · 10/05/2023 08:14

Whataninsight · 08/05/2023 08:45

My gut is… hell no

But there will be posters come along who had four children, brought a house and climbed Everest by 19 so 🤷‍♀️

Grin

I think it would be fine for a weekend, but that is a relentless task for a week.

VivatVaginaCamilla · 10/05/2023 08:15

A week is too long to leave a toddler without either of their parents, regardless of who is looking after them.

DangerousAlchemy · 10/05/2023 08:15

What time does your 2 year OK generally wake up OP? My 19 yo DD likes to wake up at 11 am most mornings when she's back from Uni lol 😆 Has your DNiece ever had to cope with a meltdown or an accident? Has she done bathtime/bedtime routine all on her own? If she's back from Uni won't she want to catch up with her friends from home too? Does she have her own car & are you comfortable with her driving your daughter around etc? I mean there's no way I'd have left my 2 year old for a whole week with anyone - even grandparents tbh 🤷‍♀️ Can't your DD stay with your Mum/Sister overnight & your niece helps out during the day with childcare?

Rachie1973 · 10/05/2023 08:21

Yup. In a heartbeat with the facts you’ve presented.

Serena73 · 10/05/2023 08:22

It's too full on and your niece can't realise what it entails from the odd babysitting stint. I'm sure she's very mature, but my son at 19 was too self absorbed to even look after the cat properly - giving it breakfast at lunch time etc. Not to imply your niece is like that, but it's a 24/7 job!