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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First birthday

79 replies

Jamal2003 · 07/05/2023 22:13

So it’s almost my daughters first birthday, we want to have a small tea party with just grandparents and aunties and uncles (that’s already 11 people), one auntie has 4 children, none of who are a similar age to my daughter or who see her often (probably seen her twice). Am I unreasonable to say that we would like her to attend however we can not cater for her children as it’s just a small gathering at home??? There will be no other children attending and I feel having 4 children there brings number up even higher and makes it more difficult

OP posts:
FionnulaTheCooler · 07/05/2023 22:18

Depends if you genuinely don't have the space. If you can squeeze them in it's not a big deal to do a few extra sausage rolls and cupcakes for the kids, they are your child's cousins after all. Be prepared for the auntie in question to not turn up if her children aren't included.

KnittingDiva · 07/05/2023 22:20

It depends on her circumstances and age of her children. Do you expect her to get a babysitter so she can attend a 1-year olds party?
Personally am not a big fan of expecting other people to want to celebrate my child's birthday.

TellHimDirectlyInDetail · 07/05/2023 22:24

Not inviting children to weddings is one thing but not inviting them to a one year olds party is just a bit sad to me really. Why exclude the kids and not some of the adults?

Wherewithout · 07/05/2023 22:25

To be honest it does seem a bit strange to have a child free child’s birthday party. I think it depends on their ages and how much you want the auntie to come, as she may not be able to come on her own?

Original poster
Jamal2003 · 07/05/2023 22:27

The auntie in question has also only seen my daughter twice, my daughter has no idea who she is.
The issue is that there are other auntie and uncles that we would love to be there as they are very close to DD. However I know auntie would not be happy if she was not invited.

it’s really not a big thing, an hour long perhaps. We were going to suggest that we went out with the children the following day.

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 07/05/2023 22:30

I mean this kindly but do you really think everyone will want to come? If I'd been invited to my siblings kid's first birthday I'd at least expect to bring my kids
It doesn't sound like one thing or the other. If it's just adults then why not just go out for a decent meal in the evening....or if its a kids party make it for kids.

Original poster
Jamal2003 · 07/05/2023 22:32

JudgeRudy · 07/05/2023 22:30

I mean this kindly but do you really think everyone will want to come? If I'd been invited to my siblings kid's first birthday I'd at least expect to bring my kids
It doesn't sound like one thing or the other. If it's just adults then why not just go out for a decent meal in the evening....or if its a kids party make it for kids.

we were originally going to do grandparents only, but we’re thinking of extending it. It’s not going to be a ‘kids party’ as such, my child is going to be one, therefore will not be bothered with kids party games, it’s a party for my child not the other children. Therefore I just wanted a few family members just to share his special day.

OP posts:
OrigamiOwls · 07/05/2023 22:32

I suspect if you invite her but not her children she won't come and she will be unhappy that her children have been excluded.
If you got invited to a child's birthday party, but your child wasn't would you go?

TeaKitten · 07/05/2023 22:34

However I know auntie would not be happy if she was not invited.

She will probably be incredibly pissed off if you invite her but tell her her kids aren’t invited though. Sounds like an easy way to fall out with someone.

JudgeRudy · 07/05/2023 23:07

You're contradicting yourself here. It's really not going to be a kids' party, neither is it going to be his special day. It's neither, it's your special day and a bit of a photo opopportunity. If you weren't having a party would you be expecting visitors on the day? I don't recall my siblings coming to my kids 1st birthdays or going to theirs. My mum probably showed her face and bought gifts and had a cuppa.
When they were 3 they had parties. Usually a few family members, a neighbour or 2, some with kids from babes in arms to maybe 12.

I think not inviting your SILs kids will cause friction. No ones going to organise a baby sitter for a 1 year old birthday.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 07/05/2023 23:10

Are the kids old enough to be left at home for an hour while the mum pops out?

If someone said to me I was invited to a one year olds 'party' but had to find a babysitter for my kids, I wouldn't go.

Original poster
Jamal2003 · 07/05/2023 23:11

JudgeRudy · 07/05/2023 23:07

You're contradicting yourself here. It's really not going to be a kids' party, neither is it going to be his special day. It's neither, it's your special day and a bit of a photo opopportunity. If you weren't having a party would you be expecting visitors on the day? I don't recall my siblings coming to my kids 1st birthdays or going to theirs. My mum probably showed her face and bought gifts and had a cuppa.
When they were 3 they had parties. Usually a few family members, a neighbour or 2, some with kids from babes in arms to maybe 12.

I think not inviting your SILs kids will cause friction. No ones going to organise a baby sitter for a 1 year old birthday.

It’s not my special day, it’s my daughters and I wanted people CLOSE to her to come and spend time with her for HER birthday.
as previously stated we were just going to have grandparents and I was just looking for advice.

OP posts:
deepcleandeepsleep · 07/05/2023 23:13

No, you can’t expect someone to not bring their children to a child’s birthday party. That’s ridiculous.

Just don’t invite her if you don’t see her often enough to welcome her children too.

Very PFB.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 07/05/2023 23:24

So you don't want the aunties kids there and you only want close family there too (which the auntie isn't, because she's only seen the baby twice) but if you don't invite the auntie she will be annoyed (which to me sounds like she does make the effort when it comes to more important days)

I'd be more annoyed that you expected me to come and exclude my kids. It sounds like you're going to fall out with her anyway.

What's the worst thing her kids are going to do if they come with her? I doubt they'll be little brats in someone else's home (especially as you don't see them much).

It sounds like you're just making a big deal out of nothing.

Anoisagusaris · 07/05/2023 23:26

Get over yourself

dodofofo · 07/05/2023 23:27

Feels like there's a bit of a reach here or a chunk of context missing.

I'd be miffed if I were the Auntie, expecting to leave the kids at home if it's a kids bday / family gathering. Perhaps if the kids were to come along they'd have the opportunity to get to know your DD better? Aren't these kind of family events a way to make an effort?

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 07/05/2023 23:34

Sorry OP but i think it would be strange to exclude kids from a 1st birthday party. If its a tea party for a couple of hours surely the kids would be able to join in? But if you really don't want the kids there i think you'd be better just not inviting the aunty.

Fourpeasinapodcast · 07/05/2023 23:35

Ridiculous carry on!

EatYourVegetables · 07/05/2023 23:35

This is a MN thread in the making.

“My sister demanded I attend her child’s party but leave my own children at home. I am pissed off and want to go NC. AIBU?”

SleepingisanArt · 07/05/2023 23:38

With all due respect your baby will have no idea it is 'HER special day' - it will be the same as every other day and she will not remember anything about it. If you don't want to fall out with your family keep it to grandparents.

UsingChangeofName · 07/05/2023 23:53

Surely you should be encouraging a relationship between your dc and their cousins, not alienating the family.
There will come a time when the cousins will be your dc's support network if you enable that relationship.

Very, very odd to invite one of your siblings but not their dc to a child's birthday party, yes.

Username84 · 08/05/2023 00:11

Surely you just say to her that you think it's probably not going to be suitable for the kids so you'd love to meet up with them separately but she's welcome to pop in if she can? She has kids, she knows a baby will get totally overwhelmed with too much excitement and it'll be miserable all round so best to break it up a bit.

Thisismyname33 · 08/05/2023 00:20

Could you do the party on a school day during school hours?

CheeseyOnionPie · 08/05/2023 00:24

Do any of the other aunts and uncles have children that you’ve asked them not to bring? If not, then it would probably cause a problem to invite the aunt but not her 4 children. If it’s an hour long get together to cut a cake and sing happy birthday to the baby then just let them come.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 08/05/2023 00:28

Jamal2003 · 07/05/2023 22:27

The auntie in question has also only seen my daughter twice, my daughter has no idea who she is.
The issue is that there are other auntie and uncles that we would love to be there as they are very close to DD. However I know auntie would not be happy if she was not invited.

it’s really not a big thing, an hour long perhaps. We were going to suggest that we went out with the children the following day.

Your daughter has no idea who anyone is, she’s 1.

YABU