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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First birthday

79 replies

Jamal2003 · 07/05/2023 22:13

So it’s almost my daughters first birthday, we want to have a small tea party with just grandparents and aunties and uncles (that’s already 11 people), one auntie has 4 children, none of who are a similar age to my daughter or who see her often (probably seen her twice). Am I unreasonable to say that we would like her to attend however we can not cater for her children as it’s just a small gathering at home??? There will be no other children attending and I feel having 4 children there brings number up even higher and makes it more difficult

OP posts:
lap90 · 08/05/2023 07:00

What are you going to put on the invitation to a 1 year old's bday - 'No children'?

Don't embarrass yourself.

Vallmo47 · 08/05/2023 07:04

96% currently thinking you are being unreasonable OP so I think you have your answer. I also think you should be able to imagine how you’d feel if you were invited to a child’s birthday party without your child. You’d very likely decline the invite and feel that was the intention all along, causing a fall out. If everyone else is wrong, it’s likely you’re the common denominator.

CatsTheWayToDoIt · 08/05/2023 07:09

not having a go at all
here. But if your child’s aunt doesn’t see him/her much then this is the perfect opportunity for them to see one another. Surely as she grows you want the baby to know their cousins? Your baby won’t remember this party but the cousins will. Chop them out of their life now and you’ve made it clear what you think of that relationship. Be inclusive - hopefully this could be the start of cousin bonding.

CoffeeYes · 08/05/2023 07:12

So that’s 7 siblings and only you and one other has children? I’m guessing that if she was your sister then you’d be happy to have your nieces and nephews at your daughter’s party so that the cousins could bond. Doesn’t your DH want to see them? I could understand if you were limiting numbers because you were celebrating by having an expensive meal out, but this is just at your house for an hour (very short party by the way). YABU.

londonrach · 08/05/2023 07:18

Yabu. It's vvv strange what you suggesting. A one year old doesn't care about their birthday. Invite the children. If they come your one year old enjoy their company.

crew2022 · 08/05/2023 07:21

Honestly? Read your own post back and then rethink. It's a ridiculous question and one that could offend a lot of people.
Would you go to one of her children's parties without DS? Remember it would be their 'special day'

LlynTegid · 08/05/2023 07:24

Either invite the children or have no event. A one year old will not care.

Soothingaftersun · 08/05/2023 07:27

Please don't do this OP its embarrassing asking auntie to come to a child's birthday party without her DC and is it on a weekend ? she'd need to get childcare to attend. In the nicest possible way it's ridiculous. Better to go with your first idea of inviting the grandparents only for tea.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 08/05/2023 07:34

Why would you exclude her children? Would you be happy to go to a party where they said to leave your child at home?

Lcb123 · 08/05/2023 07:35

Your baby won’t have a clue. Just invite them, why make life difficult

Tourmalines · 08/05/2023 07:37

I think that’s mean . In years to come you would certainly not be happy to be invited to your nieces birthday but couldn’t bring your child . Think about it . It’s ludicrous.

lemonyellows · 08/05/2023 07:42

I am curious how old these cousins are? Teenagers or 4 year olds?

Marblessolveeverything · 08/05/2023 07:46

Your daughter will have more fun watching children play than adults making a fuss. Wobble of head is required!

tiggergoesbounce · 08/05/2023 07:49

If you only invite CLOSE relatives as you keep saying, how is anyone supposed to get close if they are excluded from things.

I always think its great for kids to have as many people as possible around them who love them, so i would invite the kids.

I do think once your DS is older, you may realise you have been a bit silly to invite your sister but not her kids to what is effectively a family celebration at your home.

I think i have missed the age of your DS cousins, but it is nice for them to meet and be around eachother, just invite them and throw a few more bits to eat out for them.

rolypoly836 · 08/05/2023 07:56

I think this is a family row in the making so you are BU. Also I find it strange that you'd exclude family children from a 1st birthday party? I sense a drip feed coming

Sissynova · 08/05/2023 07:57

This is honestly the most pfb combined with inlaw hating post I’ve ever seen.
I also imagine if it was your own sister that her children would be welcomed! Your poor DH.

MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 08/05/2023 07:59

I would just keep it to the grandparents.
You can't expect people to leave their own children at home to celebrate your child's birthday.
Your child is important to you and their children are important to them!

Itsjustsuchamagicaltime · 08/05/2023 08:02

Lol. Batshit.

Pahpahpotato · 08/05/2023 08:05

How completely bizarre. I’ve never heard of a ‘no children’ first birthday party, no matter how low key. This is just asking for bad feeling in the family, I’m afraid. It’s a shame you don’t want to encourage a healthy relationship between your daughter and her cousins.

Bathintheshed · 08/05/2023 08:06

This is so bizarre, a child free first birthday party. Your DC would probably enjoy it more with other kids there. Just don't invite the Aunt.

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 08/05/2023 08:08

Nobody is going to pay a babysitter to come and sit in your house for an hour.

Suspect you're hoping she'll decline. Sneaky.

BendingSpoons · 08/05/2023 08:15

You could try and arrange the kids bit the next day first then anyone who couldn't come to that could casually join you and your parents for cake on her actual birthday.

However I'm not sure it is worth it for the potential family fall out. You sound cross she has only met your DC twice and is not that interested?

tuvamoodyson · 08/05/2023 08:19

Liorae · 08/05/2023 06:23

Why is it being unreasonable to not want noise and mess? Do you allow your kids to create noise and mess?

Show quote history

I’d imagine it’s inevitable at a kids birthday party! 😂

sunshineandtea · 08/05/2023 08:38

@OP are you coming back?

Oysterbabe · 08/05/2023 08:42

Of course you can't exclude her children, how ridiculous.