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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

First birthday

79 replies

Jamal2003 · 07/05/2023 22:13

So it’s almost my daughters first birthday, we want to have a small tea party with just grandparents and aunties and uncles (that’s already 11 people), one auntie has 4 children, none of who are a similar age to my daughter or who see her often (probably seen her twice). Am I unreasonable to say that we would like her to attend however we can not cater for her children as it’s just a small gathering at home??? There will be no other children attending and I feel having 4 children there brings number up even higher and makes it more difficult

OP posts:

WhatWeDoInTheShadow · 08/05/2023 00:30

Nah, you can't do that really.

Just keep it to grandparents only. You had the right idea in the first place!

TheShellBeach · 08/05/2023 00:36

But why are her young cousins the only people excluded from your child's birthday party?
Let me guess. You don't want the noise and mess.
YABVU.

UnbeIievabIe · 08/05/2023 03:32

That would be weird

awakeeveeynight · 08/05/2023 03:43

I'm afraid you will have to invite her children otherwise not only would it be odd but also incredibly rude

jakephi · 08/05/2023 03:59

If you will go to those 4 kids parties without your baby being invited, then crack on. But that's not how family should be, your 1 year old is so lucky to have cousins and family they can be brought up with x

Snugglemonkey · 08/05/2023 04:21

TooOldForThisNonsense · 08/05/2023 00:28

Your daughter has no idea who anyone is, she’s 1.

YABU

Show quote history

Why would a one year old not know their family? If you ask my 5 month old "where is mummy/daddy/brother/granny/auntie she will look at them. She could not do the whole extended family by any means, but she knows that there are known people and unknown people.

Newmumma83 · 08/05/2023 04:39

if you could fit the kids in I would for an easy life.
not to mention they would be good fun for you child ( kids love kids )

if not it’s a hard one to navigate I think you would have to explain it to the aunt but if you were told you couldnt bring your child to a family gathering while their children would be attending would you be ok with it? Inge the logistics of space but nice weather is here so that gives you more space -

may either be best to stick to just grandparents or go all out hire a hall and have family and close friends and go all out .

I saw my sons first birthday as a celebration for all three of us as we had survived so make it what you want as I think the first birthday is as much for the parents as the child

snitzelvoncrumb · 08/05/2023 04:48

Just don’t invite them. If you do you can’t ask them to bring their own food. Are you worried they will scoff all the food? If that’s the case get a couple bags of lollies and chips and leave them on the table. With the proper food put it on a tray and walk around offering it to the adults first. Then put it on the table.

snitzelvoncrumb · 08/05/2023 04:50

Also do a big vegetable and dip plate. The kids probably won’t eat that.

Merrow · 08/05/2023 04:51

I completely understand why you don't want 4 children at what effectively an adult party where your child is admired. Other children will inevitably need attention and expect the family members to be play with them. Unfortunately I agree there's not a way that you can invite the auntie and not the children to an child's birthday party!

Sceptre86 · 08/05/2023 05:10

I read it as it's your auntie you are inviting. Not your child's? If it's your own auntie and the kids are older you might get away with it as it's more an adult party. If it's your siblings children then that is harder. I'd refuse to come if my sister didn't ask my children.

You sound lile you've made up your mind anyway so do whatever you want. I don't think having 4 kids is too big an ask when you're inviting 11 people already. yabu.

BoogleOogle · 08/05/2023 05:17

Yabu
You will realise this in a few years if your child is excluded from an invite like this!

ZoraMipha · 08/05/2023 05:23

The auntie in question has also only seen my daughter twice, my daughter has no idea who she is.

Your daughter is only 1 year old though, so she's seen the auntie twice in a year. That's a reasonable amount for an auntie relationship! And to be honest babies don't really know who a lot of people are.

I have nieces/ nephews that I only see twice a year because of distance, and I'd be sad if they thought of me and my kids as less important because of it.

Invite them all if your home is big enough to squeeze them in.

YomAsalYomBasal · 08/05/2023 05:35

Yes YABU. Invite all the aunties and their children or none.

ItsBritneyBitchhhh · 08/05/2023 05:37

EatYourVegetables · 07/05/2023 23:35

This is a MN thread in the making.

“My sister demanded I attend her child’s party but leave my own children at home. I am pissed off and want to go NC. AIBU?”

Haha literally

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 08/05/2023 05:49

Surely some kids at the party will make it more fun. You can’t not invite them unless it’s grandparents only but I find it a bit miserable to not have her cousins there. She will never get to know them if they don’t get invited to things.

NumberTheory · 08/05/2023 05:55

Do you want her to be close to her cousins in the future? My kids have some great aunts and uncles but the family relationships they really treasure are with their cousins. They are the next generation.

Obviously you can do as you please, you're the host. Generally speaking, if you want a fruitful extended family for your DD, it's the aunts and uncles who have children that you really want to cultivate. But if you are looking to cement family bonds and build relationships for your DD's future, then I would try and squeeze them in some how unless, that is, the aunt and her family are rude/CF/users/etc. in some way.

Changingplace · 08/05/2023 06:05

You’re being ridiculous.

YukoandHiro · 08/05/2023 06:08

Unless her kids are mid teens or older YABU

user1492757084 · 08/05/2023 06:18

Invite all the kids or just have the grandparents.

The extra child cousins will either love to come and help entertain the one year old and get to know their wee cousin or feel too old to come and excuse themselves from the invite. It's family so all in or none..
Cater for the extra kids by making sure they are not hungry - buy extra frozen sausage rolls, crisps and cupcakes. Don't provide coloured soft drink or lollies unless you want the kids hyped up. (Give them some lollies as they go home.)
Have a fun day.

Liorae · 08/05/2023 06:23

TheShellBeach · 08/05/2023 00:36

But why are her young cousins the only people excluded from your child's birthday party?
Let me guess. You don't want the noise and mess.
YABVU.

Why is it being unreasonable to not want noise and mess? Do you allow your kids to create noise and mess?

GoodChat · 08/05/2023 06:29

If you exclude your child's cousins their auntie won't attend and you'll cause a family rift. It's a really unkind suggestion. Just invite them all. You can find space for an hour.

GoodChat · 08/05/2023 06:30

Lol @Liorae. She's got a 1 year old. She doesn't get to avoid noise and mess.

TallerThanAverage · 08/05/2023 06:37

The only people that enjoy a 1st birthday party are the parents, let the cousins come to make it bearable for the other guests.

HungryandIknowit · 08/05/2023 06:46

1 year old won't care or remember their birthday. I wouldn't exclude a sibling's kids (mine or oh) from a birthday party for a child.

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