To think our 15 year old does NOT need a bedtime.

[NotTonightDeidre]

This is a source of much disagreement in our house.

DH thinks teen should have a strict bedtime.

I do not.

He thinks I'm in the minority and that all the parents of teens around us are enforcing bedtimes on their teenage offspring (even at weekends).

I believe that most will be allowing their teens a lwcel of autonomy - especially at weekends.

Who's right? What do you do if you have teens?

*level

Level of autonomy (that'll teach me to preview before posting).

Weekends no, school nights definitely, it was 11pm lights out. And that’s only because DS would’ve stayed up all night, been grumpy and unable to focus at school. He had no self regulation at that point at all. He had to hand his phone in too at 10:30pm but I appreciate that I may be in the extreme for that.

Our teen used to have a weekday bedtime, but we were more relaxed at the weekend. We didn’t used to ‘send him to bed’ but it was understood that he should be in bed by a certain time.

Our teen has bedtimes, some times flexible - but school days it upstairs at 9 ish lights out 10ish.
weekends usually in bed by 10 unless there’s something going on.
they need sleep, they need a routine.
our teen has no devices in bedroom, no telly in bedroom and no phone after 8pm school days and 9pm weekends at ours - so actually happy just to go to bed most nights.

He’s okay with this, BTW, and is knackered most evenings with school and sports etc so doesn’t protest

Well I teach teenagers and despair at how knackered and unable to focus some of them are. When questioned, those are the ones who have phones in their rooms and no real bedtime, scrolling and responding to snaps etc at any point through the night. Mine are early teen / tween and have a bedtime of 9.30-10.15 ish on school nights, no tech in rooms overnight and I can't see that changing. Weekends are maybe an hour or so later but not too much.

Our older two (14 and 16) don’t have an enforced bedtime but thier phones lockdown at 11pm so can’t be used for anything other than alarm etc.

13-14 year olds may still need guidance by 15-16 they should be able to manage this themselves but that includes waking themselves up in the morning my DD is 14 and manages both herself all the time, maybe once in past year she wasn't up by 7.30 on a school day but when I went in to remind her she was obviously not well . it works for me leaving her too it but kids are different

Do they get up for school refreshed and without any drama? When they can do this then I leave it up to them.

As a teacher please set a bedtime for your kid. There's nothing worse than grumpy, overtired teenagers! They're still growing they need more sleep than adults

When I hit 16 and had done my GCSEs, my parents left me to it with bedtime and never said another word to me. Kids these days seem to have turned into night owls due to the availability of social media and often seem to stay up very late chatting to each other. I've no Idea how that will impact on them when they get older. I think that 15 would warrant a level of autonomy but it's a bit arbitrary - how much is too much?

A 15 yo needs 8 - 9hrs sleep a night according to various sources.

You need to make sure this happens, especially midweek. If left to their own devices our teens would be up to all hours and end up getting way less sleep than that!

It depends on how responsible they are.

If they are self regulating they shouldn't need a bed time by 15.

However not all kids manage this at this age, and if the choice is bedtime or risk of playing computer games until silly o'clock which risks exam results, then parents should step in.

It also depends on the bedtime being suggested. Is it reasonable or ridiculous?

At weekends, again it depends on the situation. Going into exams, it might be wise. Otherwise, freedom within reason.

More info needed to your situation though really OP.

Depends. If they're regularly going to bed later than 10 on school nights or staying up until 2 at the weekend playing computer games, they need one.

DS 15 doesn't have a bed time. He has the autonomy to sleep when he's tired.
Having said that, he does have himself in a bit of a bad patch just now due to random strike days and bank holidays.
So today's job for me is to keep him awake, but he's realised the issue himself and asked for help to get back on track so I won't be imposing a bed time even now.

I let him manage it himself. He is 3 years off being an adult there is natural consequences to his actions.

There are many books explaining teen brain development and their natural sleep patterns.

Why on earth would you impose an unnecessary rule on a teen? They need to develop self care skills managing their sleep, preparing meals, laundry, cleaning etc. Learn now and thrive later is my approach.

Mine goes up at 9pm, she is allowed to read but usually she is asleep before 10pm.

There is some flexibility at weekends but on the whole I think whilst in school still, a bedtime is needed. They can be sleep deprived when they're adults.

At the weekends not so much but during the week yes x

My teens have a routine. Dd1 has ASD and learning difficulties - I don’t think I could vary her evening routine by much even if I tried! She can and does stay up for ‘one-offs’, but gets very tired and wants downtime/sleep.

For dd2, weekdays in termtime it’s fairly strict - going upstairs by 9.30pm (we have to get up early, she’s tired enough by school/activities/revision) but I don’t impose lights out. She has no devices upstairs, so can only be reading/doing some artwork, and I know she can find it difficult to get to sleep, hence ‘quiet’ activities being allowed.

at the weekends I remind her when it’s vaguely time to start going up, but don’t insist. She tends to go up around the same time, as she recognises she needs the sleep, and that she takes way longer than a day to ‘catch up’ if she’s up all night. She also has ASD.

dd2 is also influenced by her dad’s (exH) habits - he is always up all night, never gets enough sleep, and she often saw the result of this when she was younger (she is very low contact now, her choice), and does not want to end up like him.

I do think it is important, especially now she’s in exam season, to have a good routine, and enough sleep/good food/etc.

I have a 15 year old and a 16 year old. Neither of them have a bedtime. They are sensible enough to decide for themselves. We quite often go to bed before them. Never any trouble getting up for school so must be ok!

Set a bed time, the amount of kids I teach who come in and are tired because they’ve gone to bed at 1am 2am sometimes 4am

My 15-year-old is supposed to go to bed around 10pm, but he never does! During the week he's probably in bed around 11.30 and it's later at the weekends and in the holidays, but he sleeps in the following morning. I figure if he's tired, he'll sleep and he needs to learn self-regulation. He's never allowed to game all night though (unlike some of his friends).

Mine are 13,15 and 16. School nights it's PJs and teeth between 9:30 and 10pm, usually have a little chat in my room and all have a hug from DH and I before they settle down with lights off by 10:30. Roughly half an hour later on weekends/holidays.

I don't take their phones away, so the older two are sometimes on them for a little while, but youngest doesn't take hers to bed. They know if they are up late on their phones, they struggle to wake up, so do tend to self regulate pretty well on school nights. They all get themselves up in the morning and no one has ever been late for school (we have buses from the village, so they can't miss the bus).

As they're quite close in age and 2 share a room, bedtime is the same time for all of them but I'm stricter with the 13 YO in terms of actually settling to sleep. Bedtime is partly for my benefit as I like to have a set time I can settle down for the evening with DH and know they're all out of the way! But also, they have friends who will be online gaming in the middle of the night and I don't think that's a good idea. Teens need sleep!

I think most do need a bedtime. As a teenager my brother would be up until 5/6am on school nights playing the Xbox. I was better at getting sleep but I’d still often be up until 2/3am on the computer or watching TV and many teenagers are the same (although now it’s phones!) Weekends are different.

Never had a bedtime for my teens. Staying up too late has natural consequences (ie being tired the next day). I’m generally very pro autonomy and don’t really regulate tech etc either. Although, I would say, my 16 year old is home educated, so does have a bit more flexibility on wake up times than the average teen. He’s up and out on the two week days he volunteers though.

14 year old does. 9.30 on a school night and 10 on weekends. Can’t stand grumpy kids and he wouldn’t be in the best place to learn at school if he didn’t get some sleep. To be honest he still takes a bit to get out of bed even with a 9.30 bedtime but I don’t think I can do earlier at 14. He sleeps in on a Sunday which is his only day for a lie in.