To think our 15 year old does NOT need a bedtime.

[NotTonightDeidre]

This is a source of much disagreement in our house.

DH thinks teen should have a strict bedtime.

I do not.

He thinks I'm in the minority and that all the parents of teens around us are enforcing bedtimes on their teenage offspring (even at weekends).

I believe that most will be allowing their teens a lwcel of autonomy - especially at weekends.

Who's right? What do you do if you have teens?

We used to get send upstairs at 9 but left to our own decision. My dad would make sure we got up for school and if we were tired it was our fault and we learnt

my children stopped having bed times from when they were 11 and went to senior school. same as I stopped nagging them about their rooms, what they ate etc. they need the responsibility of self regulation. all of them are happy, healthy, not overweight and self reliant. my mother insisted on restricting food, dictating bed times and waking up times etc and I was never going to be that parent. My experience is that they learn to manage their time better. yes, some nights they would stay up late because there was unfinished homework or a book they wanted to read even being awake after we went to bed but similarly there were nights when they toddled off at 7.30pm because they had an exciting day or weekend coming up.

I think it depends entirely on the individual. My eldest didn't have a bedtime from around 14. They were very sensible and able to self regulate. My current two teens still have set bedtimes at 13 and 16 as they have asd and wouldn't go to bed until the early hours.

@WomblingTree86 teenage brains and self regulation dont go hand in hand. Their brains are just not wired that way yet. For me I have been a night owl since birth. Still am. But since op said her kid struggled to wake up for school etc indicates that he could benefit from boundaries.

Boundaries. Rules. Etc. Just normal things. The kid is only 15. They still need to be parented

I think it would be a brilliant social experiment for those ‘self regulating’ teens to be asked to go to bed an hour earlier, and see what the consequences are. We live in quite an academically pushy environment - think kumon and tutors etc - but liberal parenting. I can’t help thinking that an hour earlier to bed would help the kids to achieve the academic success the parents so obviously want and save a lot of money! I’m sure tired kids are fine, but imagine how much more/happier/successful they’d be with more sleep?

Teens are not known for their self regulation. many adults I know can’t resist the ping of a phone/watch/gaming, what chance does an undeveloped teen brain have?

Very interested in the unanimous teacher input. They are very much in the firing line of the sleeplessness epidemic.

My DS has no bedtime but off screens at 9pm school nights and 9:30 weekends. No devices in his bedroom. School nights upstairs by 10. He can read til 2am if he wants. Sometimes he’s up til midnight but abides by screen rules, is doing well at school, gets to school on time and isn’t grumpy.

I have a 15 year old and I tell him when to go to bed - I’m his parent. Children need their sleep and as teacher it’s hard work teaching tired children.

@BunsenBurnerBaby but considering these 10's kids grew up with sceens everywhere...
To them the "no screens after 9PM" equals our 80's "bedtime is at 9PM" rule.

My 15yo largely manages this himself. If he's up too late he's prompted to go to bed. We now allow him to have his phone in his room, but check he's asleep - if he were up on it at night then it would be removed. He sometimes goes to sleep listening to music, which I'm not keen on tbh but it helps him. We wake him in the morning but he gets up and out without a problem and has never missed his bus. Is also doing OK at school. If any of that changed, a closer eye would be cast on his tech use.

@SparklyBlackKitten I know; I do it to protect his sleep and his mental health. It’s a house rule that adults mostly stick to, too. We have shared our reasoning and research about MH, screen time and sleep. We will back off after GCSE’s are done.

We don’t for my 13 or 15 yo. My 15yo will head to bed/bath before 9pm - she likes a lot of downtime. Her lights usually off before 10pm.

My 13yo is fitness obsessed and will train/workout til 9.30th. He then snacks/plays on his phone downstairs til 10pm ish. We tell him go to bed then, but I wouldn’t call it a bedtime as such, more just we tell him he has school/sport tomo and needs his sleep. I guess that’s a bedtime of sorts, but it isn’t a formal one and we are more relaxed over holidays.

Because he's with us every other weekend and we attempt to get him off his phone for at least 3 hours for 1 day of the weekend. Otherwise he won't even come off his phone for 15 mins to eat dinner. He also has zero communication skills because he's addicted to his phone and I don't agree he should be on it at 4/5 in the morning. Not my child though, so his dad can deal with it.

No idea why my post is underlined!

This bemuses me. You achieve it by taking the phone?

If you have a child so out of control you can’t set reasonable boundaries then something has gone wrong much earlier.

I know we joke about how tricky teenagers are to “control” so maybe it was a light hearted joke, in which case carry on :)

DD is 15. I like her to be getting ready for bed at 10.30 but it's up to her really. She sorts herself out in the morning for school and has done since Y7. She sleeps in till late morning on a weekend but I don't begrudge her a lie in, I love lazy mornings too.

14 year old - upstairs for 9, devices outside room - probably actually asleep 9.45 /10pm. Friday nights - up to midnight.

He's grumpy and looks rough if doesn't get enough sleep. With GCSE's can't afford to be tired in school. And I also need some time to relax.

We have the right balance for us.

Mine didn’t but this was years ago and they were teens (mostly) pre smartphones. After seeing the effect of some bullying by some girls on MSM, during class time (!!) I didn’t allow Facebook until DC left school.

I don’t know if I’d have a bedtime for teens now but I would have to do something about screens in bedroom and overnight.

It was bad enough having a mid 20s DC back home during covid - I mean really happy they were here - but the screens stuff late into the night often made them so grumpy and uncooperative and not so much you can do about it with an adult.

Am not sure how at that age you can ‘make’ a child go to bed

I don't understand this at all. 15 is still a child. They should still have house rules to abide by. You as parent still get final say in lots and lots of things.

You make them by...making them. How do you make any child do anything? By having boundaries, expectations, consequences and consistency.

At 15, ds1 is old enough to know what our expectations are as parents. He's lovely, respectful, well mannered and well behaved for most of the time. He gets an awful lot in terms of time, opportunities, treats, freedom etc. He knows this and appreciates it and he follows our rules. On the occasions he doesn't (which do happen as he's only human) then there are consequences.

If you have a 15 year old that you're literally unable to 'make' do anything then you have bigger problems than their bed time.

Weekdays 10:30. Weekends much looser.

Kids need sleep so they can concentrate in school. They need to go to bed at a reasonable time to obtain that sleep.

@TillyTollyTully I agree. I find that "making" my kids do something is fairly easy. They have many opportunities, some even-handed rules are the quid pro quo. I'm the parent, not their bestie.

I'm actually pretty relaxed, but it does not start the day well if I'm screeching at tired teens in the morning. Democracy is all well and fine, but sometimes you need a little discipline. That applies to me too.

Mine don't but are up for school/college independently and always ready to catch thr bus on time.

My kids are 6, 11, 13 and 15 and all have a bedtime. It's later on Friday and Saturday but they still go to bed when I tell them to or they'd be up all night!

Teens need 12 hours sleep.

My 15yo goes to bed at around 9.30pm, but he needs to be up at 6.35 and also gets migraines if he's tired. At weekends it's more like 11.

my 17yo goes up around 11 on a school night and 12 on a weekend. He occasionally needs reminding, but he's quite sensible now, he wasn't at 15 and therefore needed telling.

OP Sounds as if your son does need a bedtime,

16 (barely) y.o. here. Bedtime is still 9.30pm if it's a school night (and I usually follow shortly after), with getting up at 6.30am latest. That's 8-8.5h/ night and seems reasonable. They're still tired occasionally, but functioning much better during the day. No screens in their bedrooms (phone turns off at 9 - not my choice, but their dad's).

By the time it gets to past 10pm they're tired even on weekends, so staying up too late has never been an issue.

The younger one may not be as sensible when they're older, but bedtime will still be enforced until they're adults in their own rights. As much for my own sake as theirs.

I drill into them that school comes first in the hope that work will come first, too, until it's engrained enough to pay the bills in a reliable fashion.