To think our 15 year old does NOT need a bedtime.

[NotTonightDeidre]

This is a source of much disagreement in our house.

DH thinks teen should have a strict bedtime.

I do not.

He thinks I'm in the minority and that all the parents of teens around us are enforcing bedtimes on their teenage offspring (even at weekends).

I believe that most will be allowing their teens a lwcel of autonomy - especially at weekends.

Who's right? What do you do if you have teens?

DS15 has to bring his devices downstairs at 10pm and then if he's not ready for sleep he can read. This is the same every day although last night he stayed downstairs until 10:40. He is tired by that point. He is up without any issues for school in the morning and usually up by 7:30-8 on a weekend.
While I agree that teens need to learn these things by themselves, they are still very much children, and a well rested teen makes for a far more pleasant household. A tired teen is moody and argumentative. I wish more parents would see that when they allow them to stay up until the early hours playing computer games or on their phones. Good sleep habits are important for all humans, regardless of age.

Mines just turned 16 and goes bed when he likes.

14 yo bed time at 9pm in the week and between 9-10.30 at the weekend. She doesn’t go straight to sleep so I know if she goes to bed at 9 she won’t be asleep until 10/10.30 in the week. Phone stays downstairs when she goes to bed. Seems to work well as she gets herself up every morning in time for school.

They deffo need a good amount of sleep at that age.

Talk to who the kids we do already. Parents how would you react to your child’s teacher telling you that they need to go to bed earlier?

Definitely depends on the teen. I’ve relaxed the rules for my 2 recently from having strict bedtimes to self regulation and so far so good. My boy takes himself off to bed about 10 and has no interest in his phone / gaming at this time. My daughter who has always struggled to get off to sleep is self regulating better and there is less conflict at bedtime. I still think she’s not getting nearly enough sleep as she’ll be awake gone 11 and awake from 5:30 and this does impact her behaviour but we have a better relationship for her being allowed to make the decision for herself. I have kids at school who are exhausted through gaming to 2am each night so you do need to ensure good habits are maintained but once you know they are able to be sensible I think the autonomy at this age is important.

YABU

Your teen needs rules just like any child does.

Teens actually need more sleep than other age groups and letting them choose their own bedtime is the worst thing you can do.

Do not sacrifice your child’s sleep hygiene because you want to be a cool parent.

Why not compromise.

Week days have a strict bedtime routine
(my DD is allowed to read for a certain amount of time after this if she can’t get to sleep).

Weekends be more lenient.

Definitely not! Also I have no respect for a teen who would put up with this nonsense. Scottish teens go to uni at 16+ . Does it sound healthy that parents are policing bedtimes one day then they are off to university the next?

I don’t mean for you to talk to them! I mean there are options other than 2-4am bedtime and a set bedtime.

9pm on a school night because otherwise he's vile to wake up and his school work suffers. He doesn't argue because he knows this!! Weekends he stays up as long as he likes really.

My son is 15 and doesn't require a lot of sleep so on a school night he will stay up as late as 1am and still get up fine at 7.30 for school.
On a weekend he has no bedtime so can stay up quite late but never been an issue

Why would a teacher tell me this, when he sees the child every day and me once a year? Hed tell the child surely?

No my children went to bed when tired which generally would be about 10:. Am not sure how at that age you can ‘make’ a child go to bed !

Age has nothing to do with it.

I fully expect to have to support my eldest DS with this a lot longer than my youngest. But we shall see.

At 15 I will expect 9pm up to bed without his mobile ect and a 10pm lights out sun-thu.

So he can watch a bit of telly or read for that hour.

DH and I need our space too.

There are plenty of nights in their 20's they can spend up all night!

If they're sensible and go to bed at reasonable time - no.
If they're staying up gaming or tiktoking until 3 AM - defo yes.

Previous threads inform me that I am the only mumsnetter with a 16 who doesn't self regulate. Left to her own devices she's up in the wee small hours, which is not compatible with school. So on school nights I bring her a final brew at 10.45 and remind her to be in bed by 11.

If nothing else, her being up half the night disturbs my sleep in our tiny house.

She can do what she likes at the weekend and in school holidays.

Depends on the teen really but I think most do benefit from it up to about 16 years old. Some are mature enough to self regulate.

No bed times here for 16 year old. As long as she's sleeping before 11:30 then it's not worth the hassle of fighting her on it.

I feel 9/9:30 for a 15 year is too early for during the week, my 13 year old has to be in bed by 10:30! She's up at 6:45 for school and this seems to work for us.

Weekends I allow them to go to bed when they want.
I found trying to enforce a bed time makes them want to stay up later and push back. I generally don't need to check up on them and find they are able to get to bed in their own at decent times without my nagging.

My 17 & 15 year old have lights out at 10:45

My 15 year old goes straight to sleep as he can’t physically stay awake any longer after a day at school.
I don’t really care what time my 17 year old goes to bed as long as he’s quiet as they share a room.

No rules at weekends and school holidays.

This.

My 16 and almost 15 year old do need to be woken in the mornings, but they never complain about getting up.
I sleep badly, so quite often go to bed around 8pm, wouldn't be fair to expect them to go to bed cause I am.

Exactly! It's not about being a cool parent as pp said.

Weekends and school holidays no, but school nights definitely yes.

Mine are 15 and 26 and we still have a strict 11pm lights out and all gadgets downstairs on a school night.

13 yr old dc lights off 10-11 in the week. No electricals after 930. Weekend depends on whether we're watching anything he wants to watch. Still no devices after 930, but he can watch TV.

By 16 I was in the pub on Fridays and clubbing on Saturday, so bedtime was whenever the taxi got me home.

I have a 15 year old stepson and it honestly drives me nuts when he stays every other weekend and causes huge arguements. He's on Xbox/phone until 4am, his bedroom wall is shared with ours and all I can hear is him moving around, unplugging and unplugging things (not sure why) and I don't get any sleep when he's over. His dad and I argue about this every single time. He then lies in bed until 2pm, ruining the whole day. Misses breakfast then demands food when we are out.
I believe he should absolutely have some boundaries and if he was my child, he would not be like this.

That should be 15 and 16 😂
At 16 I'll probably let them decide their own bedtimes!

Teens can be really shit at self-regulation so some do need a strict bedtime.

If he's struggling to get up then I think 11pm is fine for him to be in bed and he hands his phone over if people are calling him after this time.